Gossip Girl just went Dair.

After Georgina and Chuck schemed against Dan at CeCe’s wake, she became bankrupt. Then, Georgina offered her a hand as long as she “owed her one.” Ivy Dickens inherited all of the Rhodes money and property. Lola and Nate had sex. Serena was sad. And Dan and Blair kissed in a scene that made me dizzy.

1. Dair is on, basically. Your thoughts?

Heather | I don’t think I need to answer this. I think my squeals were heard loud and clear, across the globe.

Samantha | Blah. Dair is such an awkward turtle to me. I’m just happy that we now know that while that all happens Chuck is going to be hanging with Jack! Praise the Gossip Girl gods for his return! And finally a good storyline for Chuck that doesn’t involve him sipping scotch and pining over a depressed princess.

Heba | I have been waiting for this moment forever, and now it’s actually here I cannot believe it. It’s just too good to be true. Last year, in 4.17, they had this first kiss, and now this, them. I’m starting to think 17 is my lucky number.

Michael | Samantha brings up a good point. It seems that finally Chuck will actually get a storyline as will others. It seemed like that Serena scene hinted at a new storyline to come… and Ivy was creating a new story for the van der Woodsens. As for Dan and Blair, after a year and 13 episodes of nothing, it’s about time, basically.

2. Okay, try to take shipper emotions out of the situation. Dan basically told Blair he’s been trying to scheme her away from Chuck and she was okay with it?

Heather | I can’t decide on what to think of that scene. One moment, he is telling Chuck that’s not the truth, and in the next breath he is telling Blair it is the truth. There is also things being left out that he did with no intention of her ever choosing him. It really was a poorly done scene. I feel like they were trying to avoid a redux of the Louis situation — Blair choosing someone basically only because he’s sparkly and perfect compared to the darkness of Chuck. I have no problem with Dan having flaws. In my opinion, his flaws are part of what make him a dynamic and interesting character. Perfection is boring (see Louis pre-5.13). My problem comes in with how rushed this was. They spent half the season showing him as being nearly perfect, and then do the reverse. Evolving characterization is not a bad thing, but that’s what I want to see, slow character build-up, not giant plot-driven OMG moments.

Samantha | I just wish people would realize that all of these characters are flawed and quit putting Humphrey on a pedestal. He isn’t perfect. None of them are. That is what makes the show interesting. I think Dan and Blair could also benefit from realizing this information, even though they both do think he is indeed flawless.

Heba | I love Dair with all my heart, but Gossip Girl is basically ruining every character in its incoherency. The characters, all of them, transform to different people in every episode.  Blair would have never forgiven Chuck for scheming her, and she’s in love with Dan because he’s different. Or that’s what I used to think. And with this, they somehow anti-Blaired Blair.

Michael | I don’t understand this for plenty of reasons. For one, Dan tried to get Chuck and Blair together (even though it was stupid to not have it be at his apartment, but whatever). And now Gossip Girl is making it so that he actually did all of this? At least Blair got a bit more mad when she thought he sent the picture of them kissing, but I don’t understand why she would just go to his loft after he confessed that he was trying to take Chuck and Louis out of the picture? Why not a little bit more from this scene? Something! ANYTHING! Why would she be all “Chuck, I’m not IN love with you” (aw, crap, I forgot to make that a question!) right after she realized this!? SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!!!!

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3. CeCe’s Final Will and Testament

Heather | Did anyone not see this coming? Really?

Samantha | Cece is a BAMF, even from beyond the grave. That is all.

Heba | I was never Ivy’s fan, to be honest. But when she told Lily and Rufus to leave HER apartment, I was cheering her on! I hated the Rhodes family SO much in this episode, and I agree with Lola: the only person I feel sorry for is Ivy. CeCe knew everything there is to know about Ivy, so they should just stfu. She was better with CeCe than anyone else, so she deserved all what CeCe gave her.

Michael | Okay, Heba: Ivy is flawless and amazing and flawless. So. And the Rhodes family is so heartless. Ivy was all like “I loved her” and Lily was all “You probably poisoned her!” WHAT? And Carol was bitching about not getting her payday. This woman is ridiculous. What’s a bit awful is that obviously Serena loves her grandmother a lot but they tried to write this scene as if Ivy was the only one who cared enough to actually just love her and be there for her. I don’t know. I feel like Serena could have taken Ivy’s place. Maybe she was just too preoccupied with pining for a guy who doesn’t love her. And oh, goodness, another question I forgot: Lola being Serena’s half sister!

4. Ivy Dickens is richer than a mofo

Heather | Once again, was this supposed to be a shocking twist? I did enjoy evil Ivy. I know I am probably supposed to be rooting against her right now, but it’s fun. I really want to know where this story goes. Does Ivy team up with Lola and take down Serena (haven’t had one of those in while)? Does she, through a series of convoluted events, become the real Gossip Girl? Does she try to get someone, anyone, to call her Serena? So many questions that need to be answered.

Samantha |  Ivy is taking over the throne after Cece’s passing. I approve.

Heba | THIS is gonna change the dynamic of the show, and I cannot wait to see how it’s gonna play out. The UES has a new BAMF and her name is Ivy Dickens.

Michael | Once again, Heba… she was always a BAMF!!! Ha! Okay, but seriously. I love Ivy because she’s somewhat badass and also somewhat redeemable, but I don’t know what’s happening here. Why would she basically throw them out? She loves them. She said they’re the closest she has to a family. She had to know that them finding out who she is would not go well. So take the money and buy another apartment. (Also, called it! Along with the Lola thing. Because it was so blatantly obvious.)

5. Georgina schemed everyone AND Blair and Chuck are in debt to her!

Heather | I don’t feel like I can even comment on this. I am still kind of confused about her role in the episode, and I definitely don’t know where her story line is heading. This was just one of the many things of the episode that felt completely shoe-horned in to do nothing more than set up the story line for the finale.

Samantha | It took a while, but real Georgina has finally returned. I’m glad, but sad that it means she must once again leave us. Figures. We all know how much the writers struggle to write awesome characters.

Heba | Oh, God. I’m sick of Georgina. I just want her to leave already. I don’t get why she’s still here. She’s scheming everyone and everyone believes her and it’s all so BLAH. Thank God she’s not Gossip Girl anymore. I want the real  one back.

Michael | I’m most intrigued by this, to be honest. I want to know how this will play out once Georgina returns. Also, she is the worst blogger. She really sucks. Maybe second to Phillip.

6. Other thoughts

Heather | What is up with Nate this season? He’s not even fun anymore. He used to at least go around getting high and playing Just Dance, but now it’s all stuffy suits and “play nice” comments. Philip, the nothing of a character who is the sidekick to a walking plot device in pretty clothes, has more of a personality than Nate does this season. I am glad he’s “growing up” or whatever, but does he have to be so boring while doing it?

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Samantha | JackBassJackBassJackBassJackBass. Basically, the only reason I am still watching. Hopefully they won’t water down his character like they did Georgina and basically everyone else this season.

Heba | So Lola and Serena are half sisters? Someone (MICHAEL!) called it before the episode, so I was waiting for it all night and was kinda looking forward to it. I fear the show will ruin this storyline like it does every single one, but I won’t prejudge. Let’s just wait and see.

Michael | Yes, me and about 10 million other people called it but I’ll take it! So, let’s see… all the questions I forgot: CeCe’s wake was ridiculous to be taking place during all this scheming. There also needed to be more explanation from Blair professing her love to Chuck to being all “I’m not in love with you.” Really glad that Diana and Jack’s story will be going somewhere… or so, I’m guessing. I don’t think I’m missing anything…

7. What grade would you give this episode?

Heather |  Shipper Grade: A  The final scene is now one of my favorite scenes on the series, and though, like I said earlier, I don’t like how they went about doing it, I like that they had her choose him for him, scuffs and all. It would have been really disappointing had she just wanted him because he was the nice one, the safe one. Her wanting him, even after being shown that he is still human and makes mistakes, on top of all the other “obstacles,” is far more satisfying. I love Blair, but I also love Dan, and I think both of them deserve to be loved for who they are, and I would not been happy to see her “settle” for him. It wouldn’t have been fair, to either of them.

Non-Shipper Grade: C- Honestly, I have no idea what was going on in most of the episode. The only thing that would have been surprising about the episode was revealed in the Canadian promo, so every time there was a big reveal, I rolled my eyes, and then congratulated myself on the hollow victory of guessing the overly-obvious plot twists on a CW teen drama. Carol is annoying beyond belief. I am ready for her to be gone. I think Ivy and Lola’s stories have a lot of potential, and I am really looking forward to seeing where that leads. Serena’s upcoming story seems like it could be a lot of fun too. With great power (secrets), comes great responsibility (power). Are we going to see the return of Dark!Serena? So overall, a lot of potential in upcoming episodes, and while this one was fun enough, it felt rushed and very transitional.

Samantha |  Eh, B-. It wasn’t great, wasn’t awful. Basically, like this whole season, it was just eh, whatever. Also, when I saw that the show wouldn’t return until April 2nd, for the first time ever I said “GOOD a break from Gossip Girl!” Seriously, that is what this show has become.

Heba | A C? I didn’t enjoy the episode much except for a few moments, especially the last ones with Ivy and the Humphreys &, of course, the Dair scene at the end. B

Michael | An “A” for moving plots. A “B” for allowing Georgina to actually be good at stuff. A “C” for not explaining anything in the triangle well enough. A “D” for basically saying that everyone was out of character ever since the car crash and for still making Lola boring even if she’s Serena’s half sister. And an “F” for having this take place at CeCe’s fucking wake. I mean, really. So I think that averages out to a solid C.

NoWhiteNoise Team
Posts with the byline as "NoWhiteNoise Team" are articles written in collaboration by the entire staff here at NoWhiteNoise.
  • Ocean

    I feel like I’m the only one who doesn’t get the ChIvy hype. I don’t really like her character, and th
    ink giving her everything in the end was pure bull. I guess Serena didn’t mean that much to CeCe? lol I mean damn…

    As for Claire….er….Blair forgiving Mupp…Dan so easily. I find that people get hurt the worst, by people they love and care about more. The more you love someone, the worse they can potentially hurt you.

    FINALLY, we get a push on this whole Chuck/Jack/ and possibly Diana thing. I’m sick of
    ending the show with Chuck alone. and drinking. I’m tired of Chuck/Blair/ and Dan. Already.

    • nadine

      I give this an episode a C- for starch.  DAIR have about as much chemistry as a sack of potatoes… and we all know that Blair Waldorf would never eat carbs: actually, that last statement takes on a whole new light of ewww given the promo for 5:18.  Apologies, peeps.

    • uncharmed&average

       I’m with you on the whole ChIvy thing… I’ve never liked her character – she wasn’t sneaky enough, she’s been so dumb at some times that she makes Nate look like a genius.  And what about Serena! If Cece had been clearly she would remember that Serena LOVES her more than anyone else in the family!

  • helen

    I’m pretty sure that scene where Dan “admitted” to attempting to keep Chuck and Blair apart was just him giving Blair an out, such that if she wanted to choose Chuck, she could. It was just terribly written. 

    • dwragon

       I think he knew talking to Chuck and his bullshit made no sense. So he took the only way with dignity out there was: Admitting in his crap point of view, so that Chuck couldn´t pin his rage on him anymore. And what did he admit to? That he doesn´t want Blair to be with Chuck! That´s nothing new, and it is only logical, when he himself loves her.  He didn´t do everything he could to get Blair out of her crazy deal with God, but it wasn´t his job. He pointed to her that it is ridiculous and than went with it and supported her. All his thoughts are about Blair and he isn´t even thinking about Chuck (in my opinion) back then.

      His motive for sending in the video was her happiness. I don´t think he thought about consequences for Chuck, he wanted to help her without losing her as a friend, because let´s face it: the last time he made a small mistake (5×01,5×04) Blair banished him out of her life for weeks and I´m sure he didn´t want that. He said it herself, he never thought that she would call him at the wedding. He was afraid of losing his shot, his friendship by telling the truth to Blair right away, and honestly the video was never that big of a deal for Blair. It is what Louis turned into.

      But it´s true that this episode lacked 10-20 minutes of dialogue to make it a really good one. After spending their time between episode 4×18 and 5×13 on plot deflections they ran out of screen time for the more interesting parts. This episode felt more worth of a 100th episode than G.G., and with an hour extra time it could have been a really great one.

    • uncharmed&average

       Agreed – he only said that to her so that he could get out of the love triangle (unless Blair was going to choose him) because we all know lonely boy can’t handle the Menage A Trois

  • nattiehot

    i love how ivy got everything!! lol it’s like…you suckaaa!! lol

    love dair toooo! i’m just sick of chair is all. it’d been the same thing over and over again for too long. now it’s dair time! yay! enjoy it while it lasts. can’t wait for the next season!!

  • I could not contribute to this last night because my shipper heart was completely drowning out my brain haha. My answer to Dan admitting to whatever I think is just him feeling really, really bad about the video and blaming Chuck…really, look at the show, it can’t really be about more than that. Letting Chuck take the fall really was in the dim hope that maybe she wouldn’t end up back with him, him trying to keep them apart and get closer to her. I think the confusion in the scene came because Chuck said “Ever since the accident…” as if his friendship has just been a malicious plot for months but I think Dan agreed and left because Chuck WAS right about his motivations regarding the video. It was a shitty thing to do, but I think they handled it with the right level of “wtf Humphrey” “I’m really sorry” without over dramatizing it. Like Samantha said, Dan isn’t a saint and he screwed up.

    Also, I think she told Chuck that she wasn’t in love with him because she realized that even though it was Dan and not Chuck who messed up, Dan is who she wanted to be with, and she needed to let Chuck know so he wasn’t just waiting around for her. Basically, maybe she was just realizing how much her feelings have really changed. Obviously the shift from “I love you more every day” to “I’m not in love with you” wasn’t 100% convincing because how could it be? But if they were going to go there I’m glad that the dynamic between Chuck and Blair is changing from the “I love you the most but we can never beeeee” thing they’ve repeated all season.

    More thoughts later. Nice roundtable guys, I pretty much agree with the C rating this episode and also agree with Michael that it was weirdly an A in some ways and an F in others…

  • dee.

    Wow. This was such a bad episode. Blair made no sense(nothing new here), Dan made no sense, and Chuck arrived late at the party ‘I think Blair’s changing’ –> well, welcome aboard, Bass, so nice you could join us, where have you been for the past 17 episodes?! 
    The Chuck/Blair/Dan issue was adressed and handled really poorly. No one gave any explanation for any of their actions, they just exchanged like, the same words twice. Chuck: Dan is bad, he framed me blabla; Dan: I’m not bad, yes I framed you blabla, but I did it for Blair; Blair: I’m so mad right now, you lied to me/hurt me blabla, but I understand and I forgive you –> this goes for both Dan and Chuck, because she basically had the same dialogue with both of them. So, where the hell does this leave them? Oh, right, she loves Chuck, always will love Chuck, but she’s not in love with Chuck (way to make sense, Blair!), she apparently has feelings for Dan, and she’s not mad at all that the two men in her life have been sabbotaging each other and she ended up being the only one who has suffered any damage. Why would she be mad, right? Again, totally makes sense. The Blair I know would have banished them both from her life.
     And what was that ambiguous crap about Dan supposedly admitting that he’s tried to keep Chuck and Blair apart? He tells Chuck that it’s not true, but then tells Blair that it’s totally true –>good going, Humphrey, that will surely diminish the confusion. What are we supposed to think about this now? Did he or did he not do it? For the love of god, speak up, man!Ugh, everything just makes me mad. Blair needs to get her shit together and stop being The Upper East Side Whore (that’s Serena’s job!), wake the fuck up and realize that everyone’s been manipulating her and do something about it (!), Chuck needs to go hang out with Jack and be a Bass again, and Dan really needs a haircut. And also to stop trying to be what he’s not and go back to Brooklyn to keep Cedric company or something and come back when he’s all sorted out.It has become tirying; at this point, I just want it to get cancelled before they decide that Blair needs to sleep with Cyrus, because ‘They’ve been in the making for four seasons!’ –> awesome reason, writers, really; whenever you decide to shove something that makes no sense into the storyline, just make up an excuse and say you’ve been planning it FOREVER – that is totally valid and believable.P.S. Ivy is totally badass and I love her. Carol is crazy and she needs to go set herself on fire and Lily is a pretentious bitch. The Van Der Woodsens are all screwed up, basically. And really? Eric couldn’t be there? It’s his own fucking grandmother’s funeral and he’s not there. CeCe hated Rufus, and he’s there. She didn’t even know freaking Lola or Nate, for that matter, but they were there. Fucking Georgina was there, DOROTA and FUCKING ESTEE were there (briefly, I know, but still), but not Eric, no.Writers, how does any of this make sense, again? Oh right – it’s been in the making since the beginning. Spare me, will you?

    • Neiro

       I share your opinion on Eric, I can’t believe they couldn’t even pay the actor to make an apparence, he was one of the most importants since the beginning and they just let him dissappear. They better end this show next season with all the characaters having a nice closure.

  • Jess

    I still don’t even understand the whole video business. I rewatched the part in the wedding episode between the video being made and watched during the ceremony and I’m not sure how Dan knew about it or how it came into his possession. Georgina gave Chuck the camera and then somehow it ended up in Serena’s purse later.  Can anyone explain this coherently or are we just supposed to believe that this somehow took place at face value?

  • i’m not fascinated by Dair. I want to think that after everything they’ve been through, a love like CHAIR is good enough.. 

  • EmbracingSleep

    I find no sexual chemistry between Blair and Dan. When they were kissing at the end, it looked awkward, like two orangutans trying to mimic humans.

  • nat

    I really don’t see why Dan’s scheming should be such a big deal?! Wow, a boy kept a girl of his dreams away from her first pick – ain’t it just natural? It’s not like he came up with that stupid “God’s miracle” plot. Blair did, with some help of an angel-nurse. He just stood by her. And I’m not even a fan of Dair – lack of chemistry!

    I love Chuck, but, please, in this episode he was such a whimping, short-sighted idiot. Pulling beginner’s schemes, getting pushed around by Georgina, finally assuming Blair would run back to him. He used to be bright and cunning, has the accident killed too many of his brain cells?

    And c’mon, Cece, are you such a mean old lady to ignore all your real grandkids? Sure, Lily and Carol are from hell, but why punish Serena, Eric and Lady Boring?

    • TB

      None of the scheming is what it used to be.  🙁

  • ella

    I think you all missed the point of Dan’s confession. It wasn’t real. He confessed to everything, including sending the kiss pic to GG, which he didn’t do. He confessed because he felt like what was the point. Chuck was not going to believe him and neither would Blair. 
    He took a bullet.
    It was so clear to me. i don’t know why people think he meant it??

    • He did NOT confess to sending in that picture of him and Blair kissing. And even if he was lying, Blair doesn’t know that. There’s a scene or a line of dialogue missing to make it work, so it’s a bit wonky is all.

  • Elodie Astor

    I didn’t weigh-in because I still don’t really get the episode. I mean, Dair, finally, but other than the last scene, what a shit way for it to happen. Also why kill Chair in the process? I thought we were going for polygamy, not just bigamy? 

  • It is FF so much.

  • Lara

    I can’t believe Ivy Dickens inherited everything.  I mean it’s predictable…so the drama!  Except even though she was nice to CC for exactly 3 months tops? she inherits everything?
    I hated her when she kicked Lily out of her own home.  What a bitch!