She Said: The Secret Circle 1.14 ‘Valentine’ review: Nothing says V-Day like revealing lingerie and a drug induced coma

The opening scene of The Secret Circle this week: Faye trying to sneak out of Jake’s bed only to be caught and ravaged again! Phoebe Tonkin and Chris Zylka were borderline naked front and center, and I’ll take it! These two, I admit are steamy together BUT they better not go falling in love and ruin it all. Nothing kills Lust like the other L word.

Cue school scene. Cassie is telling Diana that she felt a “clear connection” to her father. Blah, blah, blah, is anyone listening to her? ‘Cause I’m not. Diana tries to look interested, but you can tell she’s pre-occupied with the couple making out behind them. Nothing like a PDA before homeroom to remind you you’re alone on Valentine’s.

After Faye’s roll in the hay, she proclaims to Melissa that she wants to throw a girls only anti-Valentine’s Day sleep over! To Faye’s surprise, Melissa invites (I’m pretty sure on purpose) Cassie and Diana to this witchy rendezvous. An unpleased Faye allows the two to come as long as there isn’t any Adam talk… yeah right, like that’s gonna happen. Dark Magic Barbie has that boy on the brain and it shows.

Cassie forgets her book in her car, how convenient… and runs into Adam who not so nonchalantly asks her out on V-day. Good going Adam, she knows you know it’s Valentine’s, the entire school reeks of pink hearts and streamers. Cassie agrees to go on a date another time… ugh.

Creeper Lee comes over to Faye’s house to give her some busted ass voodoo doll to put under her bed. Faye has all sorts of issues these days; it’s blatant she is struggling to fit in and craving her own individual power. But, she should know better by now that Lee only brings trouble and putting this voodoo doll under her bed will most likely kill her rather than intensify her powers.

There’s loads of Jake/Isaac banter, yada yada yada an attack is coming on Cassie and the circle. Yada yada yada give me the medallion and we can spare her. Yada. Come on, this dude stinks of lies and although we don’t have the entire story on Blackwell, Jake shouldn’t be so keen on helping people who clearly want Cassie dead. I mean, just because she doesn’t have the medallion doesn’t mean she’s still not that “most sacred witch in all the land,” (quote courtesy of Diana Meade on drugs.)

Cassie sees a man in a robe in the basement of the abandoned house, who disappears when she brings Adam down to see the hooded freak. Oh damn, she sees dead people. Not the most original storyline but I’ll allow it while Fayanalisa (Phoebe Tonkin’s ship name for Faye/Diana/Melissa) have fun times in their PJ’s.

Diana packs a shit load of stuff for an overnighter, and bumps into Faye who falls on the crazy voodoo doll Lee gave her earlier. Faye is pissed, and storms out of the room. Poor Diana tells Melissa that she should leave, that Faye clearly doesn’t want her there… but Melissa insists she stay. Awww… Delissa.

Cue Devil’s Spirit! Melissa and Diana go all Skins series 3 and eat the magical cocaine… who knew. I was looking forward to them doing lines off the medallion. Maybe next time. Melissa and Diana are high and I’m lovin’ it. Cassie is still nowhere to be found… because she’s with Jake trying to figure out what the symbol on the hooded man’s robe is. Boring! Come get high and play the pizza man game with the girls.

Diana is trying to move on from Adam (thank God) and while on her drug bender decides that they should do a spell to make the pizza guy hot… and that when he comes she’s going to make out with him. Yes! This girl needs a little action in her life. Girls hold hands, close up on Fayana (Faye and Diana), doorbell rings, and there goes Diana. The girl opens the door and does what she says… only; it’s not the pizza guy, which Faye rudely points out after she sees the guy Diana is locking lips with is Lee. Oh snap, girl fight. But not really. Lee comes in and fixes that voodoo doll.

Cassie gets Diana’s “BITCH, hurry” text and then the medallion starts to move on its own towards the window. Cassie puts it around her neck and leaves… pan to see two hooded men outside.

Lee warns Faye that Devil’s Spirit is dangerous and that it took someone very close to him. Boo, Lee, I still don’t like you. The door bell rings again, this time it actually is the pizza guy and Diana wastes no time opening the door telling the boy that they “ordered” him and planting a nice wet one on him. At first I thought the pizza guy was this new Australian dude Tim Phillipps who is supposed to play Diana’s new love interest… but I can’t be sure. The boys look similar.

Cassie finally arrives and tells the girls about the hooded dead witch. They bust out the Ouija board (good times) and try and contact the coven after Cassie. After loads of giggling from Melissa and Diana and some fabulous one-liners from Di, Cassie uses the medallion to wield the Ouija board. S… A… C… R… E… D…. Sacred! Good job Cassie, you just won the first grade spelling bee!

Sneaky Melissa is doing more Devil’s Spirit… that can’t end well. Cassie goes to meet Adam, but is haunted by the coven that Blackwell killed years ago. She gets into a car wreck. Like, car flipped over yet she still walks out with no bruises. Super woman! The dead witches want their power back and lure Cassie into the church where they were slaughtered. Apparently they have more power there. Yada yada. Jake shows up looking for Cassie, Jake gets sent to Adam’s, Adam has a romantic dinner set up, Jake teases Adam, and Adam and Jake go look for Cassie.

Adam calls Diana looking for Cassie, but gets sassed. Go girl! Don’t let Cassie run your life. Cue Fayana scene. We get a glimpse into Faye and Diana’s past, how Diana dumped Melissa as a friend the moment Adam and her got serious and how jealous Faye is now that Melissa turns to Diana instead of her in time of crisis. This is proved when they find Melissa convulsing on Faye’s bedroom floor from too much magical cocaine. Diana is holding Melissa’s hair back as she voms (super attractive) and when Faye holds out her hand to Melissa to get her cleaned up, Melissa goes for Diana’s hand instead. Oh boy, secret lesbian lover rivalry!

Jake and Adam find Cassie’s flipped over car, Jake slips on some glass (I don’t think intentionally, bahah) and they show up at the church where the coven is surrounding Cassie. Yada, yada, yada they surround Adam who has a knife? Come on people… you’re witches! Use magic! Adam is possessed, Jake tries to convince Cassie to give the dead witches the medallion… but instead she squeezes it reaaaaaalllly hard in her hand and it sort of dissolves. Damn, Dark Magic Barbie got muscle! Adam is back, ugh, why couldn’t they have taken him with them. Jake gives Isaac the broken medallion, and Isaac tells him that he can’t protect them from the attack now.

Faye puts that hideous thing under her bed, has a beautiful heart to heart with Diana (cue Fayana fan squeals) and we see that Lee’s is using Faye’s blood and another one of those creepy voodoo dolls in the vicinity of his comatose girlfriend. Clearly he’s going to drain Faye’s powers to reawaken her.

Diana proclaims it was the worst Valentine’s Day ever, Melissa tells Faye that Lee likes her, and Faye tells the girls that she is “So done with guys.” Cue Fayana fan squeals again, Melissa giggling and Diana smirking. Faye adds “for now…” and Fayana fans around the world throw rocks at their TV’s.

PILLOW FIGHT!

And of course the episode couldn’t have ended on a Fayanalisa high… sneaky Andrew Miller had to ruin our party with Adam and Cassie making out on the boat.

Where were the parents in this episode? Maybe they joined Cassie’s grandma in La La Land. Apparently parental supervision isn’t a requirement in Chance Harbor. Next week looks… interesting. I’m not sure Andrew Miller can top the week Fayana fans ovaries exploded. But I dare him to try. ;)

Episode Allstar: Diana Meade, without a doubt Shelley Hennig takes the cake with her superb portrayal of a drug induced slutty teen. It’s refreshing to see another side of an otherwise uptight Diana. Kudos, Shelley… Kudos.

Tags: | Categories: Recaps
About the author: McKenzie
McKenzie
Currently working at a Literary Publicity Firm as a tech nerd and writer. Recent college grad with a B.S. in Journalism, who loves covering the Entertainment world. I recently worked at World Wrestling Entertainment as the Intern Online Content Editor, NBC Universal for both The Steve Wilkos and The Jerry Springer Show, and at Red 7 Media where I created content both online and in print for the company's various publications. In my spare time, I enjoy watching and reviewing my favorite T.V. shows, as well as interviewing some of my favorite celebs in the industry. I'm sarcastic, opinionated, and thrive off of technology and social media.

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  • http://nowhitenoise.com Michael Collado

    Oh, my goodness. The Fayana fans were teased SO MUCH during this episode. I mean, really :P All in all, I thought it was a good episode — unlike you, I was kind of intrigued with Cassie’s story. BUT I agree, I kind of hate the ghosts. Why make ghosts a thing on this show? And when is Cassie going to actually be harmed? Anyway.

    I don’t care, I love me some Cassie and Adam!

    • http://twitter.com/McKenzieLyn McKenKen

      Don’t get me wrong, I love Britt Robertson to pieces… but, Cassie just has been luke warm for me lately. I want to like her like I like the other characters, I’m just not there yet. Maybe some daddy-daughter interaction will help. 

      Also… I don’t understand how this chick just keeps on getting up after all this evil surrounding her. Give her some cuts and bruises, or knock her out for 5-7 minutes or something! LOL. 

      Cassie and Adam have my blessing, as long as Diana can get under someone else. I don’t go for that “still hung up on him,” puppy dog crap. 

      • http://twitter.com/McKenzieLyn McKenKen

        Oh yes, and the Fayana fans— super teased! But. It’s fun. I wouldn’t mind seeing either of these girls with men. I just like their characters all together. 

  • Anonymous

    Oh, the episode doesn’t end with Adam and Cassie having a romantic kiss, it ends with the first look at Blackwell showing that he’s BACK! I can’t wait for next week’s episode. This episode was pretty awesome, and I loved the development between Melissa, Diana, and Faye. Also, Lee’s storyline just got a whole lot more interesting as we see what he’s doing. Can’t wait! This show has gotten so good. :)

    • http://twitter.com/McKenzieLyn McKenKen

      Yeah… I forgot Blackwell was “officially” back at the end… I kind of chose to block that out seeing as I figured he was back when Cassie told Diana about her “feeling” connected to her father. Blackwell should interest me more— but he doesn’t.