Yes, that is the title page from this episode, which reads: “You know what would be cooler than this title card bit? A new title.” Special thanks to — seems sort of legit but in that not really at all kind of way.

Well, the big news is Grayson has a daughter.

The episode starts with Jules reminiscing about how Grayson used to be a man whore.

Then she takes him to marriage counseling, even though they are newly engaged and not yet married, because she wants to make sure they can enter the marriage without any baggage. And surprise! The Scrubs reunion from last week continues as Miss Tracy from Scrubs is their therapist. But back to therapy — their main issue is that Grayson wants kids and Jules is unsure. 

Then a former flame (read: casual hook up) of Grayson’s shows up later in the day at his bar and presents him with a child, who is possibly the most adorable child in the world. It turns out Laurie knows the baby mama, you know, from up in da clubbbbbb, and we find out the baby’s name is Tampa. We also find out Laurie is Tampa’s Godmother. Baby mama (Holly) then asks if Grayson and Jules can babysit that night because she needs to dance, “I need to dance. Seriously. I don’t want to. I need to.” Hilarious and awesome.

They do a paternity test and find out Grayson is the father. Jules totally flips out when she hears the news an throws everything on her kitchen island onto the floor — mainly wineglasses. Now, if you know about Cougar Town you know that breaking a wine glass would be one of the most extreme actions that these people (who revere wine) could do. It’s like the Cougar Town version of burning a flag. Or burning a cross. Or burning… something else. The point is — Jules is super pissed.

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Grayson asks Jules if this is a deal breaker and she says she’s not sure. So she goes to talk to the therapist about it and instead of bringing Graysons she brings Andy so she can practice. And as they get into it, the therapist says something that (and not to get deep) is just so true: “You can’t change what happened. All you can do is decide whether or not you can live with it.” THESE ARE IMPORTANT LIFE LESSONS FROM COUGAR TOWN, PEOPLE!!!!

Jules finally takes her predicament to Ellie who points out what has been pretty obvious (to me, at least) all along: that Jules also has a child with someone else and that Grayson wanted a baby and now he has one and Jules doesn’t have to go through the work of birthing a child at age 42. It’s really the most ideal situation possible. But I guess I get the initial angry reaction. So that’s the serious Cougar Town stuff that went on.

Here’s what went on with the other characters: Laurie is hanging out at Travis’ house because she misses flirting with him and openly tells him so. She invites him out to lunch, or as she’s decided to call it, “Louie”. Which, as a word shortening aficionado, I love. I’m guessing they we from Lu, to Lou to Louie. That’s how I’d do it. (Don’t even ask me how I came up with the nickname “Trish” for my brother “Max”, there’s like 18 steps to that one.)

Anyway, Travis’ roommate is trying out for the black fraternity, Omega Beta Theta, because he considers himself black adjacent and apparently it’s some sort of step dancing group. #racist. Anyway, Laurie is obsessed with Stomp the Yard so she teaches them how to step dance. Laurie… loves black guys.

Travis basically admits to Laurie he’s been trying not to hang out with her so much because he’s in love with her and it was depressing knowing nothing could ever happen, blah blah blah. And then he proves to her that he’ll still be there for her by participating in the hilariously awesome Stomp-The-Yard-style dance just to make her smile.

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On the Ellie and Bobby side of things, we find out Ellie goes “surfing” for alone time. Bobby swims into (instead of “runs into”, get it!?) Ellie out in the surf and she explains that she “wave sits”. She sits on a surfboard in the middle of the Ocean for alone time. Then Bobby offers to teach Ellie how to surf but she’s the “unteachable” according to Andy. And duh she is ’cause she’s the grumpy-iest yet lovable-iest ever.

So she gets angry and Sarah Chalke (Yeah, apparently they’re like bf/gf now. Two episodes of woo-ing is enough I guess) convinces him not to give up on her. So he gets her up on the surf board. And then this AMAZING song plays and I’ve Shazam-ed it LITERALLY 10 TIMES YOU GUYS from 10 different start points and I couldn’t get a match on it. And I just found it via — The Streets by Avalanche City. If you’re going to have an amazing song like that (that you’re also promoting on your webiste) then seriously check that it’s going to be Shazam-able. THIS ISN’T 1998!

It was far from my favorite episode, but I can’t hate any episode of Cougar Town that much, unless you’re counting the pilot… and the first 6 episodes of season 1… This episode was Harold-like (improv reference, get into it) with everyone splitting into twos and doing their own thing, with the exception of Andy wandering between most of them, and then coming back together in the end to realize that, yeah… They all love each other… And Grayson’s bastard daughter.

Cul-De-Sac Crew 4lyf.

Brady contributes several recaps to NoWhiteNoise, offering her quirky and dry sense of humor in every post.