“Are you, or are you not, the real deal?”
After last week’s cuts, this week the Coach and MattyD are looking for college seniors they may be able to draft and then mold into Hawks. We come in on Damien Razer’s – played by Gaius Charles, who will forever be Smash from Friday Night Lights to me – tryout. As if Necessary Roughness knows they overlap with FNL fans, they make it clear. Damien Razer isn’t Smash Williams. He benches horribly and we’re supposed to wonder if NotSmash will even be considered for the team.
Given that ads have run promoting his guest star status, we don’t, but nice try NR. Nice try.
TK’s lost his sunglasses and hoodie from last week and is chillin’ in a garage. A very old garage with a crappy weight set next to a washer and dryer. Oh TK. Zetty, the girl who hooked him up last week with illegal guns, comes in and we learn she’s taking him home. Sorta. TK has to crash in the garage so her kids don’t get the wrong idea. Ha! TK suggest they give her kids the right idea (oh TK, you really need to sit down with Dr. Danni soon), but she aint having it. She asks about his rehab and football. He blows that off and offers to pay her for protection. Oh boy. TK, the woman gave you illegal guns and a nun chuck. She’s pretty, but 90 pounds soaking wet. Call Nico. TK hands over some money and they have a deal.
“I can no longer be part of the tierney of carnivores”
Dr. Danni is at home, fixing Ray Jay breakfast and trying to locate TK via cell phone. Shocker, TK’s not answering. Unfortunately for Dr. Danni, Ray Jay is not as uncommunicative. Nope, he’s bitching about his breakfast. Mainly, that he is now vegan, not vegetarian as his sister suggests when she comes in. Ray Jay takes offense to his mom and sister hating on Tutor Girl’s life style choices, which are now his choices, and seriously?!? None of the high school football players were bossed around by their girlfriends, so this is weird. Anyway, not only did Dr. Danni make a breakfast that’s not going to get eaten, but Ray Jay leaves without giving his sister a ride to school as punishment for not seeing the greatness that is Tutor Girl. So now Dr. Danni’s gotta make sure SISTER gets a ride to school. Dr. Danni is a great therapist, but she needs to work on the parenting skills.
Over at the Hawks office, MattyD looks like crap. Turns out, he hasn’t slept, too busy watching all those NFL hopefuls trying to get the team’s attention. Poor Dr. Danni – first her breakfast is wasted, then she has to do car pool and now, no nookie. MattyD’s not even thinking nookie, which is a first. MattyD hopes to find a diamond in the rough to impress Pittman and get paid. I think it really bothered him last week when Pittman brought everyone else expensive liquor and he got nothing. Anyway, Mom and Dad, I mean Dr. Danni and Hottie Trainer, worry more about TK’s disappearing act. If he doesn’t show up soon, he won’t be ready for the season and the Hawks will be forced to draft a new wide receiver. Oh TK, they are so gonna GPS app your phone after this stunt.
Lest you think Pittman is off somewhere drowning his sorrows, rest assured he’s not. He busts into the Hawks meeting to tell the Coach and trainers that they no longer have the draft picks they thought they did. So I guess TK can worry a little bit less about losing his gig. The Coach is not amused.
Marshall, however, voices what fans have been saying for years; why the hell is a rookie making millions of dollars when they’ve proved nothing? Yes, most of us are couch coaches with limited knowledge or just plain bitter, but man, I see his point. Plus, this gives MattyD to point out the awesomeness that is NotSmash. Okay, well, right now he’s dropping passes and is not awesome, but I assume some of the football legend that was Smash will show up in NotSmash. I hope. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose!! (That’s a Friday Night Lights reference for those of you who don’t know. Watch it! It was a great series.)
Marshall wants Dr. Danni to evaluate NotSmash and then leaves for a private pow-wow with Nico. He’s a little pissy that the Coach ruined his knock-knock joke and I feel him. Say what you will about Pittman, but the man does deliver a good one-liner. Marshall’s a little paranoid right now and wants Nico to spy on everyone. Oh this is great. A football owner/GM with a God complex and paranoia? They really should have just cast Jerry Jones.
Nico’s not thrilled but he agrees to do it. Oh Nico. This does not make you a very good friend. Didn’t you invest the money you made from the checks Pittman signed all those years better? Do you really have to do this?
Dr. Danni interviews NotSmash. He’s very smart, spent a few years in foster homes (in a twist not seen on TV, they are nice families and good homes) and broke tons of high school football records. Dr. Danni doesn’t understand why he chose a small school in a lesser division when all the big programs were offering scholarships. NotSmash never really answers, just talks about how he’s not as great as people think. Oh NotSmash, did you not take one psych class in college? You could really use a self-help book on loving yourself. Lucky for you, you’ve got Dr. Danni now.
MattyD is freaking when he hears that NotSmash feels he’s a 7th round pick. He’s sticking his neck out for this kid. Dr. Danni fights for him and asks MattyD to let her help. I’ll let you figure out what the guy sharing her bed decides to do. In the meantime, she’s got two other problems to deal with. TK is still MIA and Ray Jay is asking for egg-free mayo (who knew they even made such a thing) and soy-jerky. Ick. Seriously, Ray Jay better hope the guys on the team don’t find out about this.
TK is taking a trip down memory lane. He points out all the happy things that happened to him there and his protection explains reality to him and points out what a dangerous neighborhood this is. TK is popping pills like candy and Zetty tries to get him to face reality, but he sees Winky Dog and turns into a 7 year old.
Nico meets with Tony, his PI pal. Tony’s giving him some wiretapping equipment. Oh and it turns out, if the FBI finds out that Nico and Pittman are wire tapping, there’s gonna be in trouble. I’d actually be okay with that if Peter Burke, Neal Caffrey and Jones from White Collar could come and do a crossover. But anyway, Nico already knows this stuff and kicks Tony to the curb.
TK is enjoying Winky Dog, especially when he finds out there’s a dog named after him. Oh, this is a hot dog joint in case I’ve failed to mention that. Slim, a friend of TK’s, is working there and TK mildly insults him (without realizing it) and has menu suggestions. Slim suggests that TK buy out his uncle and make those changes and suddenly I see where this is going. Oh TK, don’t do it! Restaurants are horrible investments.
You know who isn’t going to be going to TK’s Winky Dog (c’mon, you know he’s gonna buy it)? Ray Jay and Tutor Girl! Instead, they’re at Dr. Danni’s annoying poor Lindsay with their veganism. Lindsay is a little sister so it’s not like she can’t annoy them right back, which she does by pulling out some ground sirloin and bacon. Yum.
MattyD is working with NotSmash on drills. Not going well. Dr. Danni pulls him out for a therapy session. How can they only have one therapist on the field? Even the recruits need therapy. Dr. Danni questions what NotSmash thinks the other guys have that he doesn’t and it turns out to be everything. NotSmash really needs that self-help book. Dr. Danni’s advice helps and NotSmash get through the drill fabulously. Dr. Dannie is then rewarded with a kiss from Hottie Trainer. Yay!
Though then she wonders what’s going to screw this all up and MattyD suggests nothing’s going to screw this all up and we know that by the end of the episode, kisses will be limited. Get ‘em while you can Dr. Danni. A cold bed is no fun.
Plus, TK calls and Dr. Danni’s gotta leave. If it’s not her kids, it’s her patients. TK has Dr. Danni come down so he can tell her he’s bought the Winky Dog (told you) and is giving up football. Dr. Danni’s worried. I’m not. If he didn’t want to be talked out of this, he wouldn’t have called. This is his cry for help.
Dr. Danni tries to explain the Hawks will look for other receivers. TK knows that; bitches about the hardships of football. Dude, you got a 7 million dollar check. I know you also got shot, but my patience is thin on the whining. Dr. Danni tells TK she’s happy for him and reminds him this will all be here after football that he shouldn’t worry about fear of failure. TK insists this isn’t about fearing failure, he just wants to be Terry King from down the block. Oh TK.
Back at home, Lindsay is channel surfing and Tutor Girl comes out for a chat. Seriously, is this girl a cult leader or something?!?! The whole family doesn’t have to like you Tutor Girl! She tricks Lindsay into joining the vegan army by complimenting her proto-hippie-chic style. Oh Lindsay, you’re better than this!
MattyD is not happy that TK says he’s retiring. Dr. Danni tells him not to worry, TK’s gotta work this out on his own. MattyD states the oblivious and all Dr. Danni wants is some wine and fried foods, but sadly, her fridge is all hemp milk and light bulbs. Tutor Girl and her new recruit, Lindsay, cleaned out the fridge. Dr. Danni keeps her temper and doesn’t kill them. Maybe she’s better at this parenting thing than I thought. Oh Tutor Girl has also ruined Lindsay’s hippie chic look by putting her hair in cornrows.
TK meets up with Zetty at the church. Zetty, like every good gang banger/mobster, gives 10% of her illegally gotten funds to the church. Girl, you can’t buy your way into heaven. There’s some talk about past dreams and Zetty tells TK it’s time for him to go home. He claims he is home but she knows better.
Nico gets caught putting NotSmash’s test scores on the Coach’s desk and Coach wants some answers. What the hell is going on and why won’t Pittman make any decisions that make football sense? Nico says he can’t answer, but suggests he looks at the paper work on his desk.
NotSmash did not do well on his test and Dr. Danni thinks it’s because he wants to get them wrong. After all, this kid is like an SAT genius and straight A student. And of course, she’s proven right because NotSmash can do math, but my question is since when do we care about the IQ test of a football player? If that were the case, we’d have a lot of NFL players in the unemployment line right now. She wants to know why he’s messing up his chances and he again talks about wanting to be a 7th round draft pick.
“All I know about sharks, I learned on Shark Week. If they attack, you gotta punch ‘em in the nose.”
Pittman’s playing up crazy for all it’s worth. He gets MattyD to put his reputation, and hopes of being pulled to the personnel side of the Hawks, on the line for NotSmash. MattyD insists he’s the right player for the team.
Nico pulls a stalker move and is hiding in Dr. Danni’s car in a dark parking lot. Seriously, I kinda wish she had pepper sprayed him there. It’s one thing to be all man of mystery, Nico. It’s another to freak a lady out as she’s getting into her car. Dr. Danni’s more forgiving than I am. Turns out she texted Nico and he took this to mean pop up anywhere, genie in a bottle style. Dr. Danni wants to know the difference between 7th and 1st round draft picks and after some teasing, Nico explains that it means a 7th pick gets less scrutiny. Dr. Danni asks him to run a background check on NotSmash as if he’s a number 1 pick.
Despite his retirement, TK is keeping up on the Hawks via TV. TK’s got his old crew together for a rousing game of dominos. When Slim loses and refuses to pay up, TK calls him cheap. Oh TK. The guy was slinging hot dogs and he told you it was hard for him to get a job with his criminal record. Your 7 million dollar check having self should not rub it in is face. Slim feels this way too and calls TK a quitter. After that, there’s some shoving and poor 90 pound Zetty has to pull out her gun and shut these fools down. Men.
MattyD’s over for dinner at Dr. Danni’s and their talking about parenting. Despite not being happy when Dr. Danni said she was letting TK figure some stuff out own his own, MattyD thinks it’s great parenting to let kids figure stuff out on their own. Well, her kids and this vegan thing anyway. MattyD hopes to use this technique on his own kids and we come to the problem that may bust them up; MattyD wants kids.
TK’s still figuring things out. Zetty comes in and crawls into bed with him and even TK is like huh? Zetty admits she worried about TK when he was shot and then they hook up. You go Zetty. TK you best not play her like you do all the rest. She’s got a gun.
Nico’s back at Dr. Danni’s and he’s found NotSmash’s issue. NotSmash is not who he says he is. Damon Razer died as a child.
“Someone call Moses. It’s a miracle.”
Zetty isn’t gonna let TK play her. She tells TK to go back to football, the real world is only for people who don’t have a choice. Zetty is too good for TK.
NotSmash shows up at Dr. Danni’s pissed. Now, this is not the first time an irate “patient” has shown up there. Perhaps Dr. Danni should have an office that isn’t the same place she has her family live. At the very least, make the place a bit harder to find. NotSmash hadn’t been there before and he just shows up like he owns the place. Dr. Danni tells NotSmash she knows his secret; he’s not Damon Razer. She tells him she’ll help him deal with the fallout if he’s truthful with her. She’s Dr. Danni, so he believes her. NotSmash is really a football fan named Bryce who was forced out of the foster system at 18, but was really small for his age. So he went back and re-enrolled as a high school freshmen so he could play football. He didn’t expect to be quite the big star he was and now he wants to go 7th round so no one looks too closely. Oh NotSmash. I wanna give you a hug. I mean, I know he stole the identity of a dead kid, but man, he did four extra years of high school. He’s probably been punished enough. Dr. Danni agrees with me and offers to help him clear this up.
On the field, NotSmash is getting ready to show Coach, MattyD and Dr. Danni what he can really do. MattyD tells Coach, Nico agreed to help clean it up if they draft him, but Coach reminds him that NotSmash has sucked during tryouts so it’s a big if. Dr. Danni has faith that NotSmash will impress now that he can play to potential. For someone who knows nothing about football, she’s always right about these things.
Pittman storms the field after learning that TK’s agent asked about retirement papers. He also seems sober so his rage is probably really. Oops. Lucky for Dr. Danni, TK chooses that moment to saunter back on the field. The King is back and he’s here to run.
Dr. Danni tries to talk him out of it, but TK’s all swagger and this is what the show has been missing. He goes to run against NotSmash and I don’t know who to root for! Can they both win?
Yes they can. NotSmash takes the win, but TK finishes under 6.6 so yay! TK’s hurting though and still hiding it so that’s not good. Man, can’t he catch a break? Not in this episode.
Nico goes a little stalker on Coach, just dropping by to let him know that despite Marshall’s earlier efforts, their defensive coach is safe. Coach wants to know if Marshall told him that and Nico admits Marshall hasn’t. How does he know? Nico throws Coach that man of mystery smile and walks out to his car so he can go spy on Pittman, whose office he’s bugged.
Dr. Danni takes a bit of MattyD’s advice and uses the “let them figure it out for themselves” on her kids. She invites Tutor Girl over for dinner and has made them lots of yummy vegan dishes. Of course, she herself is eating steak and seafood risotto. Her kids aren’t really enthralled with their menu and I imagine tomorrow morning they ask for eggs for breakfast.
But poor Dr. Danni isn’t paying attention anyway. Nope, she’s recalling her conversation with MattyD, who wants kids. She goes to talk to MattyD about it and he’s all grins because Pittman told him that they will draft NotSmash if he’s available in the third round. Dr. Danni asks MattyD if he wants kids and he definitely does and they realize what you and I knew back when this first came up.
Man, this show really makes it clear. Kids kill your sex life. Maybe we should make this required TV watching for teenagers?
So how are you guys feeling? Happy TK’s back in a Hawks jersey? Hoping NotSmash will be a Hawk? Thinking about going vegan?
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Tags: Necessary Roughness