The only things I loved about the season premiere were the return of Jacob Ben-Israel and Stoner Brett, Chord Overstreet’s beautiful mug (though he doesn’t do Taylor Lautner well), and Marley Rose. While Kitty and Jake are pretty much knock-offs of Quinn and Matt Rutherford (Season 1 for those who can’t remember), Marley is the only characters whose story borders on original. Yes, she’s kind of a female Sam, but nobody ever made fun of his mother for being a lunch lady. His parents were blonde and perfect, albeit dirt poor. I’d love to see them get together, but next week’s promos hint that Jake will be Marley’s love interest. The only thing more predictable than pairing the two newbies would be a love triangle that includes Baby Puckerman and Richie Poor. One thing that doesn’t fit with her story is why her mother (who desperately needs a name, talk about bullying) couldn’t work at another school, especially if Carmel is within spying distance.
Though I understand the show has a lot of ground to cover by following ALL of the graduates (a total mistake, if you ask me), I really crave more new members in New Directions. Until Jake gives in and Blake Jenner’s character arrives, we’re stuck with only Marley and Wade, who could default back to Vocal Adrenaline if history repeats itself, though he seems to have found a home at McKinley. However, he’s grown a little to big for his lady britches, having the audacity to welcome Marley to the group before his inaugural slushie. I think they totally should have let in De’Wanda, she could have been the new Mike Chang! Though its in their best interest to keep the cast medium-sized, it just seems so un-Schuester to have such selective auditions, a problem that could have been solved by simply nixing the sign-up sheet’s wide popularity.
Let’s discuss how much I hate everything in New York. Not literally, but in this episode. I can’t stand Kate Hudson now that she’s on television, and not in the Villain I Love To Hate sort of way. She’s even more full of it than Dianna Agron. The only thing that semi-excuses her from making Jew jokes in the city that never sleeps is that Kurt revealed that she’s a lunatic and that wasn’t even in this episode. It was in next week’s teaser. She’s not thatggreat of a dancer, and though not many on this show are, her performance was very heavy on the hairography. That’s not what I didn’t like about it though. I can’t stand when Caucasians butcher the Spanish language (Yes, that means you, Matthew Morrison), and the only thing that saved her womanhood from her drag queen eye shadow was the crotch shot of her ripping off her skirt.
Brody is very attractive, but too metro-sexual for me to be attracted to him. I understand that he’s the anti-Finn, with his shower solo, though I heard enough “Sister Christian” for an entire lifetime on Bachelor Pad 3. I do think that someone with his personality and style should be represented on the show, but not as the new love interest for a leading lady. I sense a lot of douche in him, but maybe that’s just because he reminds me of Jesse St. James. Rachel seemed to take on a split personality, rocking the round room in Carmen’s class, yet reverting into a shy little bunny who narcs on teachers the second she puts on a leotard. Though she’s undoubtedly intimidated in her new surroundings, this plot line made all the progress she achieved during ‘The First Time’ totally pointless. Don’t even get me started on ‘Britney 2.0.’ If there’s anyone besides Ryan Murphy whose ego needs to be stroked less right now, it’s the latest addition to The X Factor.
Speaking of promos and pointless plot, the teasers for the premiere also ruined Kurt’s move to New York for me. Since we already knew his fate, his appearance in Lima served only as episode filler. The scene in which Burt takes him to the airport fell short in comparison to Haddie Braverman’s exit to college in Parenthood, and that scene didn’t even have any dialogue! Kurt’s departure had so much more potential to make me cry, especially as a hormonal pregnant woman who spent 90% of her high school days in a dad-only household. I was sorely disappointed. Though this might have been shown in the promo as well, I may or may not have predicted that Kurt would find Rachel in the park as soon as I realized they were talking on the phone.
I have mixed feelings about the musical numbers in this episode also. I like ‘Call Me Maybe,’ but what’s with all the annunciation? For me, it ruins a lot of songs on the show, unless they’re from Broadway. You already know what I thought of ‘Americano/Dance Again’ so I won’t beat a dead horse. I thought ‘New York State of Mind’ was borderline pandering on Rachel’s part, but it was done well. When Blaine started ‘It’s Time,’ I thought, not another song with the Cheerios in the quad! I liked it less than ‘It’s Not Unusual’ but it still got my foot tappin’. And finally, what would Season 4 of Glee be without the overplayed Adele? At least they’ve run out of hit singles to perform from her underwhelming 19 album, and chose ‘Chasing Pavements,’ one of her older songs that I can actually stomach.
Again, I think this season premiere was overly promoted and pre-praised, as is most of what Ryan Murphy creates. The best part of my job is getting to watch everyone squirm in anticipation, then laughing when it totally flops.