It’s the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November on a voting year, that must mean it’s Election Day! …And that must mean that you have one very important decision to make.
No, we’re not talking about choosing between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney at the polls. We’re talking about choosing between television characters for the fictionalized race for presidency here on NoWhiteNoise! We’ve picked out four characters from across the television landscape who may or may not (read: definitely not) be good fits to take a seat in the oval office. But who has your vote? It’s time to cast your ballot — and don’t worry, this ballot is much more convenient. Ready?
Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation
Qualifications: Leslie Knope is a hard working politician in her small town of Pawnee, Indiana working in the parks department — a job she took, perhaps, a bit too seriously — and finally ran (and won) for city council just this past year.
Downsides: Leslie can be a bit too deliberate, which may or may not be a good thing. Plus, all that sugar she likes to consume could set a bad example for some of the policies she wishes to implement.
Campaign Quote: “There are very few things I have asked for in this world. To build a new park from scratch, to eventually become president and to one day solve a murder on a train.”
Nate Archibald, Gossip Girl
Qualifications: He comes from a line of politically-involved family members. After being left with no money, thanks to his dad’s ways (I mean, a scandal already…he’s perfect!), he pulled himself from his bootstraps. He took a new venture (The Spectator) and is handling it all on his own… kind of… He once planted a fake photo to prop his family member’s political career. That show initiative. Well, at least we know he has the — ahem — mature women’s vote.
Downsides: A sex scandal waiting to happen. Also, he didn’t seem particularly interested when his family pushed him into politics.
Campaign quote: “All right so now that we’re back on our own turf do I at least get your number?”
Nicholas Brody, Homeland
Qualifications: He’s an American hero. Nicholas Brody spent years serving in the war in Iraq as a Sergeant in the Marine Corps but was held prisoner for eight years overseas. The result is one charismatic, American success story. And that, my friends, gets people’s attention. Charisma equals votes equals influence.
Downsides: Uh… there’s that whole He-Tried-to-Kill-the-Vice-President thing. But only a handful of people know about that.
Campaign quote: “I’m not a terrorist!’
Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
Qualifications: Jack Donaghy is the epitome of success. He successfully climbed the proverbial ladder at General Electric and became the president of America’s Best Television Network: NBC. He’s even suffered through the new Kabletown execs, even then trying to innovate by creating the best couch to accompany TV (somewhat). No doubt Jack can get this country back into shape, financially.
Downsides: I mean, he is trying to tank NBC at this current moment, but… that’s still only to make sure he gets to continue running NBC! A president you can count on!
Campaign quote: If when you vote, you just write in the Lord’s name: “That’s republican. We count those.”
There you have it, including our little (unscientific) diagram of how the candidates would most likely fare with their politics. But the question still remains: who would you like to see governing the Free World? It’s all up to you now! Make sure to vote and then tell us who and why in the comments below!
And also, make sure to go out and vote for the actual election today!