Source: HBO

Source: HBO

When we last left our heroine, she was half-naked holding an energy bolt to the back of Warlow’s head. Ya know, it’s weird, I always worry that these things are gonna sound weird when I write them out, but that’s about as natural as it gets, right? In true True Blood fashion, a showdown ensues where both protagonists are scantily clad. As it turns out, it was all just a big misunderstanding. See, Warlow wasn’t trying to kill Sookie, he was trying to stop her parents from killing her. Gosh, don’t you just hate it when that happens?

Of course, Buzzkill Bill shows up and interrupts the little reunion. We couldn’t have all the answers, right? No, “Fuck the Pain Away” just had to tease us with some solid exposition before returning us to our previously programmed tedium. Bill commands Warlow to follow him, as his Maker, even though Lilith is his Maker… I mean, I get the whole “Bill is Lilith” thing, but I still think there are a couple of blanks that need to be filled in. Like, Bill can be staked, but he can’t be in direct sunlight. So, like, only some vampire rules apply? Why? Is True Blood ever gonna answer that or is that one of those storylines that’s just gonna peter out over the course of season six?

Speaking of an unresolved and dissipating storylines… three of the four fairy girls are dead. Of course, we needed one to stick around so that she could provide Andy with the intel about Jessica being the one who sucked them dry. Andy is, of course, upset over the loss of his daughters… you know, the ones who didn’t know what to do with and kinda resented, like, two days ago? Yeah, they’re close now. Well, I guess they would be if it weren’t for the whole “most of ‘em are dead” thing.

Sam and Nicole are given a little screen time. Well, only enough to establish that they definitely did the deed with Sam’s dead girlfriend’s daughter in the next room. Yes, when I’m bored (and “Fuck the Pain Away” definitely dragged in parts) these are the things I think about. Their only other scene is when Nicole tries to call home, but Sam stops her. Nicole wants to assure her family that she’s alright or something, Meanwhile, T-1000 is hangin’ out with a werewolf hooker (cuz that’s totally a thing…) and overhears the two of them. There are absolutely no consequences to this storyline or either of those scenes, but I gotta believe that I didn’t watch them for nothing, I’m sure they’ll come into play in next week’s episode.

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Weirdly enough, with all of these storylines going nowhere, we return to Terry who is actively recruiting somebody to kill him since he can’t kill himself. Think John Cusack in Better Off Dead except, ya know… not funny. Why True Blood feels like it’s a good idea to re-introduce another storyline that most of us had pretty much forgotten about? It’s beyond me. I mean, didn’t we give Terry enough to do last season with some pretty disappointing results?

Speaking of mixed results, most of this episode didn’t really know what to do with Sookie. As somebody who isn’t the biggest fan of the character that was fine for me, but it feels like, well, after the way the previous episode ended, she’s got a lot to process, ya know? Things picked up for Sookie towards the end of the episode, when she conducted a séance with Lafayette (yay, he’s finally useful again!) to ask her parents if they were really planning on killing her. Yup. Then, as is customary for Lafayette to do at the most inopportune times, he gets possessed by Sookie’s daddy and tries to kill her again. While the episode ends on the cliffhanger of “will Lafayette drown Sookie or will she be rescued?” this was far from my area of interest in “Fuck the Pain Away.” Mainly cuz, well, I feel pretty safe in my assumption that Sookie’s gonna be fine.

Source: HBO

Source: HBO

Luckily, True Blood stepped up their game in at least one area. Remember that vision of the future with- well, basically vampire concentration camps? Well, it’s all coming together. The whole vamp gang (seriously, like every vampire on the show) is captured and taken to a bizarre holding facility. There, they are subject to experimentation and cruel and unusual punishment. I have to imagine that this is where the title of the episode came from, considering how frequently they brought up the vampire sex thing. Like, seriously, how many references to one insignificant scene can you have in one episode? On the other hand, the “cruel and unusual punishment” took the form of, like, vampire Hunger Games or something. The vampires are pitted against each other after being locked in a room together.

Source: HBO

Source: HBO

However, Pam’s punishment is the cruelest of them all. She’s forced into therapy. Pam has always been one of my favorite characters ever since she was introduced. She’s got that cold, calculated exterior and that caustic wit. It’s an unforgettable pairing. Still, what’s always drawn me to her is that she was always so much more than her surface. This episode was kind of a cheap ploy to make what most of us have always known about Pam, that she’s guarded but not entirely unfeeling, even more apparent to the audience. While I hate the way they did this, Kristin Bauer van Straten has the incredible acting chops to pull it off without making it feel insincere. The final moments of the episode fall to her, when it is revealed that, through some Shakespearean twist, Eric and Pam are pitted against each other.

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What did you think of this week’s episode?

Calhoun
Calhoun Kersten is unofficially over-educated and unemployable. he is currently finishing up his Masters thesis on horror films from DePaul University, but now resides in Hell on earth aka Los Angeles. When he's not writing, he enjoys being a grown man who still watches Arthur on PBS, singing along loudly to Three 6 Mafia, and spending time with his dog, Karl Marx.
  • DiatribesAndOvations

    I thought it was difficult to watch. There’s simply too much going on to keep up with.

    I vote for more shirtless Warlow and more pantsless Jason.

  • Karlos Ramirez

    TRUE BLOOD IS AMAZING, YOUR REVIEWS ARE SHIT.