True Blood

Posted 8/12/13 at 12:51 pm ET

True Blood ‘Life Matters’ recap: … could the title be more obvious?

3 Recaps By
Source: HBO

This week’s recap of True Blood’s “Life Matters” will be short and sweet. Why is that? Well, because considering it’s the penultimate episode of the glacial season six, not a whole lot happened. The episode is pretty evenly divided between Terry’s funeral/flashbacks and liberation from the vampire holding facility. Neither of them exactly rush at a breakneck speed, but they sort of leisurely unfold in some of the most sentimental moments of the season.

Sure, the episode starts off with Warlow’s whole “JK guyz, I’m totes not dead” thing before Sookie, in her constant state of worry, basically asks Warlow, “You cool? Cuz, um- yeah, I kinda have places to be… like Terry’s funeral which is inexplicably taking place, like, two episodes after he was killed.” Not the strongest lead-in, but Terry’s funeral was long overdue.

Okay, yes, the timing of his funeral is kinda choppy, considering I thought we got all of our feels out in the last episode when Arlene had her little drunken breakdown, but these flashbacks were actually a nice touch. Considering Arlene has kind of had a monopoly on the mourning thing, it was nice to see the other characters get to pay their tributes.
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Posted 8/8/13 at 4:57 pm ET

What’s in your DVD collection?

Features By
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I woke up today and stared at this small shelf that holds up my TV in my room and realized something: I don’t have much of a DVD collection. For someone who really does love television, I’m someone with quite the anemic DVD library. And don’t even get me started on blu-ray discs. I don’t even have a blu-ray player! I’ve wanted to get one time and time again, insisting that I would update my old library with blu-rays and it would all work out. Instead of buying myself a blu-ray player for my birthday a couple of months ago, I opted to buy an Apple TV (to supplement my Roku). I don’t even regret the decision. Most of my library lives on Netflix, as it were. Even the show I consider the best on TV today — Breaking Bad, that is — is stored on Netflix. But the problem is that it’s not really my collection is it?

Even if I were to buy and download all the seasons on iTunes or something, it’s never really physically mine (plus it sometimes comes with fewer features and bonus footage than DVDs). Besides, with a simple delete-trigger happy moment, I can lose it all.
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Posted 8/5/13 at 2:48 pm ET

True Blood Dead Meat review: AKA Why Anna Camp is my everything

B Recaps By
Source: HBO

The name of the game on this week’s True Blood was laughter; inappropriate or otherwise. After last week’s episode ended with the saccharine send-off of Nora, Eric and Bill are back to being nemeses. Remember that? How they used to, like, hate each other or whatever? It’s been too long. I like Eric and Billith at odds with one another, especially when it ends with the most ludicrous levitation and over-the-top breakdown by Eric. Seriously, it was like Alexander Skarsgård took acting lessons from Calculon. Luckily for us at home, the lunacy didn’t stop there.

Okay, so remember how Sarah Newlin sent Jason to his presumed death by knifing him and then sticking him in female gen pop? “Gen pop” is still super fun to say, by the way. Well, things didn’t work out quite like she thought they would and Jason ended up being somebody’s vamp-prison bitch… cuz, like, that’s a thing, right? Honestly, when this vampires head honcho was introduced last week, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to recognize her or something, but she’s just some new bad ass. Yes, it’s this late in the game, True Blood still has countless meandering storylines and they really thought it was a good idea to introduce a new character.
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Posted 7/30/13 at 11:31 am ET

True Blood ‘In the Evening’ recap: Were you hoping for more filler? Cuz you got it

C Recaps By
Source: HBO

“In the Evening” might just be the first instance in this season of True Blood where, I can’t really tell you what happened since not a whole lot took place, but I kinda don’t mind. See, as the end of season 6 rapidly approaches, it has finally become clear that, for most of the cast members of True Blood, there will be at least some sort of pay-off. Granted, that’s hardly breaking news for, well, any television show, but with the aimlessness of this season, I was worried that I was using my impeccable recap skills (sarcasm) in vain. Still, “In the Evening” suggests that maybe, just maybe, I can expect at least a little gratification by the end of season six.

The episode starts off with Sookie taking on the role of stereotypical one-night-stand dude and telling Warlow that just because they had sex doesn’t mean that she has to end up with him. What was supposed to sound empowering just came across as a little douche-y. The whole awkward morning after talk was cut short when Sookie overhears Arlene crying at terry’s gravesite. The rest of Sookie’s screen time is spent playing the dutiful role of doting friend to the grieving widow.
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Posted 7/22/13 at 10:40 am ET

True Blood ‘Don’t You Feel Me’ recap

B Recaps By
Source: HBO

The more and more I watch True Blood it reminds me of reading Superman comics. At the end of each issue, Superman would find himself in a bind, like trapped in a burning building, only to discover at the very beginning of the next issue that he had, like, Super Breath or something so he could blow out the flames. Sookie was being drowned when we left off, but of course, Bill picks up on this and sends Warlow to save her. After Warlow rescues her, Bill summons him back, but Sookie and him escape to the Faerie plane or dimension or whatever; more on that later.

The storyline I was most interested in last week also fizzled out in the first five minutes of “Don’t You Feel Me.” I was all geared up to be heartbroken when Pam and Eric were being pitted against one another, but in the most Deus Ex Machina of all moments moments, Pam and Eric teamed up and took out some guards that- well, if we’re being honest, guards that I had no idea existed. After killing those guards, for some reason, Pam and Eric are taken back to their cells rather than having the roof opened on them, like in Billith’s vision, or even the spotlight thing like they did to James later in the episode.
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Posted 7/15/13 at 11:39 am ET

True Blood ‘F*ck the Pain Away’ recap

B- Recaps By
Source: HBO

When we last left our heroine, she was half-naked holding an energy bolt to the back of Warlow’s head. Ya know, it’s weird, I always worry that these things are gonna sound weird when I write them out, but that’s about as natural as it gets, right? In true True Blood fashion, a showdown ensues where both protagonists are scantily clad. As it turns out, it was all just a big misunderstanding. See, Warlow wasn’t trying to kill Sookie, he was trying to stop her parents from killing her. Gosh, don’t you just hate it when that happens?

Of course, Buzzkill Bill shows up and interrupts the little reunion. We couldn’t have all the answers, right? No, “Fuck the Pain Away” just had to tease us with some solid exposition before returning us to our previously programmed tedium. Bill commands Warlow to follow him, as his Maker, even though Lilith is his Maker… I mean, I get the whole “Bill is Lilith” thing, but I still think there are a couple of blanks that need to be filled in. Like, Bill can be staked, but he can’t be in direct sunlight. So, like, only some vampire rules apply? Why? Is True Blood ever gonna answer that or is that one of those storylines that’s just gonna peter out over the course of season six?
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Posted 7/1/13 at 10:34 am ET

True Blood ‘You’re No Good’ recap

B- Recaps By
Source: HBO

When a show changes show runners, it’s only natural for the storytelling to falter a little bit. I mean, look at the unholy mess that is Supernatural’s seventh season. Now, True Blood was far from thriving when show runner Brian Buckner took the reins, but now that the third episode is over, I can’t help but wonder, with such a short season, can a show like True Blood afford to falter?

After watching “You’re No Good,” part of me wants to say yes, but I’m not sure I know how to stop watching. In the immortal words of Brokeback Mountain, all I want to say to the HBO drama is, “I wish I knew how to quit you.” But even among the worst episodes, there’s always something that keeps me coming back for more. In the case of “You’re No Good,” it’s pretty much the same reason I gave y’all last week; Jessica. Amidst all the shit that True Blood has thrown at the wall, Deborah Ann Woll’s Jessica is one of the few things that stuck. While the show began with the impossible love between Sookie and Eric, the core relationship that has kept the show afloat for the past two seasons, at least in my opinion, is between Jessica and Bill.
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Posted 6/24/13 at 6:37 pm ET

True Blood ‘The Sun’ recap

C Recaps By
Source: HBO

Take a show, like True Blood, which is already a half season, trim it down by a couple episodes due to your lead actress’s pregnancy and what you have is a really big problem when your second episode of the season already feels like filler. Well, maybe not filler, but this week’s episode, ‘The Sun”, took a helluva long time to say- well, to say not much at all. Don’t get me wrong, I get the serialized format and that they can’t give everything away in the beginning, but what exactly did we learn from “The Sun”?

Well, let’s take a look. We saw that Bill no longer has a use for his fangs as he can now telepathically squeeze the blood out of humans like a bloody Capri Sun juice pouch, and we saw… well, no, that was about it. It just felt like this week’s episode didn’t accomplish a lot, even in terms of storytelling.

Oh, of course, there was the reveal that Rutger Hauer is not Warlow (which would’ve been awesome) but is, indeed, Sookie and Jason’s fairy grandfather (considerably less awesome). I know I’m not being fair to that storyline since when the Fae were first introduced to the world of True Blood, I delivered an eye roll of Liz Lemon-esque proportions.
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Posted 6/16/13 at 5:14 pm ET

We watch True Blood as a family. Is that weird?

Features By
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Most families gather ’round the tube and catch up on some Disney Channel fare or maybe a good family drama — perhaps Parenthood or the new The Fosters. Even then, some may go for a wholesome multicam sitcom.

My family chooses True Blood.

As the sole person in my family (extended, to boot) who really even watches television — let alone, be a fan of some shows — there aren’t many series that we all make appointment TV together. In a way, it’s kind of nice and warming. In a totally different way, it’s completely awkward.

It all began during my senior year … of high school (yes, folks). Everyone and their mother was talking about True Blood at that time, including a friend of mine who I’ll call James. James went on and on about it until the end of time, so I figured it was time to watch what all the noise was about. I bought the DVD and watched the first four episodes by myself.

And what four episodes those were! It’s one-third into the season, but after the credits roll on that fourth episode, it’s hard not to be hooked. So, naturally, I showed my mom and my sister the season.
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Posted 12/31/12 at 11:32 am ET

Quick poll: Who is TV’s best ugly crier?

Television By
kim-kardashian-crying-photo

They cry, we cry. Or sometimes laugh. It’s not that we’re heartless, it’s just that sometimes these characters are the epitome of the art known as The Ugly Cry. But with so many crowding up television sets everywhere, it’s difficult to get to the bottom of who has mastered The Ugly Cry. That’s why we need your help fellow readers slash television viewers.

Will it be Carrie from Homeland or Kim Kardashian playing herself? So many choices, and one difficult decision. This is life or death, people! Who is the best Ugly Crier?

You can vote as many times as you’d like!
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