Tonight was the final season premiere of One Tree Hill. I can hardly believe I’m saying that. Most people grew up with Dawson’s Creek or 7th Heaven when The WB made these kind of shows… but this is the one I grew up with. So here are my thoughts during tonight’s episode. Unfortunately it’s not like a photo recap — it’s just stupid thoughts. Oh, wait. It’s exactly like a photo recap.
8:00pm Why did they get rid of the classic opening? It’s the final season. Did they forget?
8:01pm So I’ve seen all of this on TVLine earlier this week already but it’s even better in HD!
8:02pm Haley is as beautiful as ever… except when she does the ugly creys thing.
8:03pm I don’t know how I know this, but Brooke and Julian should try blowdryers instead of driving around. It worked on me as a baby. Just friendly advice.
8:04pm Why am I so annoyed by these people loving each other so much? Go back to crying! Throwing shit! Getting punched in the face! PUNCH!
8:05pm “I love you, Nathan SCOTT.” “I love you too, angel. Sweet dreams.” Ack. I’m getting die-uh-bee-tuhs. Also, the whole last name Tree Hill thing is so stupid. I’ve always hated that.
8:06pm Dan Scott: “Did I do that?”
8:10pm “Why’d you [put the clock all the way over there]?” Oh shut up! Now they’re just feigning liking each other. Also: DAT ASS.
8:11pm “I like waking up to you.” Groan. I must be really bitter today. Maybe it’s because I have to make a speech tomorrow that I’ve yet to write.
8:12pm “Sleep drowned.” I’m pretty sure that’s just called “drowned.” You don’t call breathing in your sleep “sleep breathing.”
8:13pm I know that old people were once babies but naming a baby Lydia is basically makes her sound like an old lady in a nursing home with thinning hair and cataracts whose grandkids “Just never call anymore!” It’s the same reason I don’t understand how Ruth is a name, because who names their child that!?
8:14pm Oh, my god! Chris Keller! What! No! It’s not like that wasn’t a headline on every TV blog and site since last year! Shocked!
8:20pm Are Chris and Haley in a competition for most amount of lipgloss?
8:20pm “Tonight.” It deserved a thought.
8:21pm I can’t even count on Brooke’s bitch of a mother to be the mother of all bitches as usual. Can someone just… bitch out already! Brooke, throw stuff!
8:22pm Full disclosure: I want that Baker Man green shirt. It’s like steeling candy from a baby… or a shirt…
8:22pm Ooh that’s good. Get Brooke’s mom to talk about her dad some more!
8:23pm Did… she… just show up at his job? I don’t. She just sent a text about…
8:24pm “That ass is not.” Well then.
8:25pm The reason Clay can sleep through all of this is because he’s actually living it.
8:26pm That’s right, Jamie! Happiness I can tolerate! Wake him up.
8:27pm Nathan: “What up?” Haley: “Loving you, as always boo. But not more than me, K?” Nathan: “Aw, so sweet. Can’t wait to tap that tomorrow.” Haley: “I’ll be waiting, winkie face.”
8:27pm Climbin’ in yo’ back doh’s.
8:31pm Either Brooke’s sleepy or… well something too dirty to say.
8:31pm She’s gonna crash isn’t she?
8:32pm I guess not. Just boring shit happening. Because… usually they’d crash the car with such a calming scene.
8:33pm That scene was so awkward. It was placed so… awkwardly. It’s like the alternative ending they decided not to put in the beginning.
8:34pm You got me f-cked up if I stay up for someone else. I need my sleep.
8:35pm What the hell? Why would she share that Sergio information!? WHAT THE HELL?
8:36pm You know, I never went through this ritual. I’m probably going to hell. Also, I freak the hell out whenever someone tells me to carry their baby.
8:36pm That’s her dad? He was blown up on Chuck! Also, he was “looking for the casino!” Holy crap, did they know he did a Castle guest appearance as the owner of a casino in Atlantic City? Because. Did they? That guy looks like a cross between Ray Wise and Bruce Willis. Every time I see him on TV, I think Sam is getting a vessel to catch a demon. That’s a Reaper (the too short live CW series) reference by the way.
8:41pm Morning breath. MORNING BREATH. MORNING BREATH!
8:43pm “Stop talking I’d like sex k?” “Cool story, bro.”
8:44pm “Can you hold her for a minute?” “I thought you’d never ask.” She just asked… like… 8 minutes ago.
8:49pm Oh, my God! I need that button for everyday life!
8:51pm “It’s my song, I can sue you!” I don’t think… that’s how that works…
8:52pm Were they trying to be meta when they made this sleepwalking storyline? Because it’s definitely making me sleepy.
8:54pm OH MY GOD. WITH THIS I LOVE YOU. Let them cry and go at it! Geez. Blowdryer and blow—…
8:57pm Pretty scenery.
8:58pm “Welcome home.” “Do I get paid for the entire episode?”
The end.
What did you guys think about the season premiere?
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