Glee’s two-month hiatus, milkin’ Smash music, and mad Madonna coverage

Hello everyone and welcome to the inaugural post of “[Something Here]” (name pending, I guess; I had a name [and even a graphic] but decided not to stick with it, what do you think?) — the TV news sub-blog that gets rid of the spin and gives it to you straight. I’m kidding. I’m going to get rid of the spin, but there’s going to be a whole lotta crazy (humorous) banter in between. Otherwise, what would be the point, am I right?

You may be asking: “Michael, that was exactly my question: what is the point of [Something Here]?” To you I say, shut up. Also, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. Basically, we hardly ever post news on NoWhiteNoise, which is more of a conversational television blog in which we talk about the episodes we just watched. Well, people who talk about TV also talk about all the scoop and news that has popped during the day. So that’s what this is. This isn’t “news,” because it may not be new to the site and it’s definitely not new to the Internet… since we’re just a lowly blog. I basically just feel like rambling on with my thoughts.

As for technical differences: these posts won’t be tweeted out (meaning, I’m pretty sure no one will read them, also I can’t promise I won’t tweet it out) and there’s an image above the posts (whenever I settle on a name)! Awesome!

The first post is all very musically-oriented: Glee, Smash, Madonna, oh my! Let’s start.

Glee to go off air for 2 months, NBC prez jumps for joy and then freeze frames midair

This isn’t that surprising considering that Fox always takes Glee off the air for a very considerable amount of time. What’s a bit off-putting this time, however, is that the ratings haven’t been as strong as seasons past. (That doesn’t included the pictured episode, “Michael,” which enjoyed a nice boost.) More so, that another similarly musical show is premiering this monday.

Of course, the hiatus won’t begin until the end of February (sweeps, duh!), but during the two months in which Glee will be off the air, it’s allowing others to find Smash — and viewer fatigue isn’t “fake,” that’s a real thing guys. It’s why sometimes I’d rather wait until the next day to watch The Secret Circle after an episode of The Vampire Diaries, because they both trick you into believing so much is happening in one episode that your head hurts after the first hour. It’s also why I haven’t watched American Idol this season because I’m going to watch The Voice.

Oh, wait, no. I haven’t watched American Idol because it’s total shit.

Anyway, that’s still a thing. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that American Idol‘s ratings are at all-time lows (after last season was higher than the previous season) during the same television season as The X Factor. So, you get my point. Glee being off the air gives people some wiggle room to say, “Ah, maybe I’ll check out That NBC Show” during March — and then get hooked. Because, I’ve watched the pilot of Smash (as you can too) and it’s much better than Glee is nowadays. Then again, I quit Glee back in November. Maybe it improved.

Judging by the photo embedded above (and the 20 minutes of that episode I actually watched) which was the catalyst for Blaine being temporarily blinded: I’m sure it hasn’t.

Fox is very blatantly saying they want “to create a comedy block” for 2 months. There’s most definitely going to be a snag in that plan. Have you watched I Hate My Teenage Daughter? Yeesh. [TVLine]

NBC: “We’re already accepting your money for Smash merch!”

No matter how far Glee‘s numbers plummet (exaggeration, I’m sure there’s a bottom limit) Fox can always count on people downloading the music off iTunes. It’s presumably why NBC wants Smash to be a…smash…for them, as well, so that they can reap all of those $1.29s. Of course, there’s a bit of a difference here between Glee and Smash in that the latter will more often than the former have original music.

So at least you’re buying something that had to be produced, not just fucked up.

I always sort of hated this about Glee, that they would release tracks and musical number videos and the actual performances before the episode ever aired. Isn’t that part of the fun? Not knowing the performances they’re going to do? Anyway, since everyone and their mother has access to the first episode of Smash, I’ll allow it. “It,” by the way, being that three songs from the first episode are now available on iTunes.

Yes, before the show has even made its official debut, NBC already wants your money. Talk about hope for a cash cow. You’re salivating, NBC.

Anyway, as I said, I’ll allow it. (Not that I have any control over that.) But I don’t think I want NBC to market Smash in the same way. For one, Glee and Smash are completely different shows, but second, that previous thing I said… I don’t want to be spoiled with which song they’re going to cover next. [NBC press release]

Madonna is everywhere, man!

You know what’s a bad idea? Misspelling words in a song title just because that’s how you pronounce them. That’s what Madonna does in her latest song “Give Me All Your Luvin'”. Not only is it “luv” but it’s also “luvin’.” Like, the G is nowhere to be found. “Where’s the G?” “What G? I’m lovin’ it, McDonald’s style.”

So that’s bad. But you know what’s worse? Having Nicki Minaj in your song. I don’t know if I can, as a human being, allow myself to enjoy anything someone who made a song titled “Stupid Hoe” is in. And then again, it’s so ridiculously awful that song, and she’s made it so wonderfully popular, that I almost have to respect her for doing that — like Rebecca Black. God. It’s such an awful situation.

But the problem also is that Nicki Minaj is so absurdly loud in everything she does that she would no doubt trump Madonna in a song in terms of volume — and it’s true. Have you heard the song? That’s a trick question, because the answer is “no” either way. I have no fucking clue what the hell Madonna is sing-talking in this video. She’s basically whispering the entire time, and then at the 2 minute mark Nicki Minaj comes in to yell at me.

Madonna spends those first two minutes walking around a pretend city/town that looks like the set of a Kohls commercial, being fondled by football players (I’m guessing because of that whole Super Bowl thing), but then there are Japanese/Anime cheerleaders and then she uses baseball bats to… do something? It’s a very confusing music video. Watch for yourself:

What?

Exactly.

Regardless, I can’t seem to escape Madonna. She’s on American Idol (the shit show I don’t watch), she’s going to be in the Super Bowl, she’s becoming a viral sensation with her extended Kohls ad — something’s gotta give. I mean, there are even headlines about what Madonna isn’t doing, which is not X Factor because she has “enough jobs.” Prior to the Golden Globes this year, I had forgotten Madonna even had enough job. Singular.