The Bachelorette 8.02 recap: Emily’s first dates fizzle

Hey Bachelorette fans. Honestly, this week’s recap was hard to get out just because I was so not into any of our bachelors this week. What’s surprising me is how much Emily is growing on me while none of these guys are living up to her awesomeness. So here are my thoughts on this last week.

The Individual Dates

Normally on this show, an early favorite is whoever gets a one-on-one date first. They get a chance to connect before anyone else and that relationship gets a sort of head start. Sadly, neither of the guys selected for these coveted first week spots impressed me much at all.

First we had Ryan, who seemed pretty promising at first and had a chance to shine by joining Emily for a day of low-key day to day life stuff. I thought this was a great idea for a date on this show since Emily seems to be pretty serious about connecting with someone for the long haul, but Ryan just didn’t seem into it. He predicted a “special” date on a helicopter or private jet, and although he kept saying he was up for anything and she commended him for going with it, I got a disappointed vibe when it turned out to be a day of helping with the groceries and baking. She had him wear an apron and he kept saying he couldn’t wait to be done baking so he could “look like a man again.” He just seemed really into himself and not really genuine.

At dinner, she tried to ask him tough questions about what he’s looking for in a relationship. He said he wanted a woman he has to work for, and she reasonably wanted to know what happens when the chase is over. He managed to deflect her questions by asking her questions instead but he couldn’t convince me in any way that he’s a good match for Emily and her little girl. Emily expressed some worry about ending up in another shallow relationship with a good-looking guy (since things didn’t go too well with Brad), but I think that’s exactly what she’s in store for with Ryan. She had some reservations but liked him and decided to take a risk and give him the rose. Maybe he’ll show that there’s more to him later, but I doubt it. She specifically said that she doesn’t want to just be the prize to a competition. Earlier in the show, Ryan said he wasn’t surprised to get the first date because he doesn’t go into a ball game expecting to lose. I rest my case.

Date #2 didn’t go any better. While Joe seemed like a nice, more authentic guy, she just didn’t feel the spark with him. They did hop on a private jet to West Virginia, Emily’s home state. They took a ride in a pretty vintage car to the Greenbrier resort for a fancy date. Emily was the perfect southern belle, first in a lovely gold dress and then in a full out ball gown for dinner. It was all very nice, but Joe also mostly deflected when asked the hard questions, this time about his 5 year plan. Emily really wants to start a family and Joe just doesn’t want to plan that far ahead. Between that and their lack of chemistry, Emily got right down to business and sent him packing. He didn’t do anything wrong, and she felt terrible about rejecting him, but it appears that Emily isn’t messing around.

The Group Date

The group date this week was adorable. Emily brought the guys together to do a variety show WITH THE MUPPETS. Proceeds from the show went to a children’s hospital, which made it even better. I feel that I may have misjudged Tony early on, because he was SUPER excited to see the muppets and had a sweet Kermit impression. The performance itself was of course pretty lame, but the guys were good sports and the Muppets made it a lot more fun to watch.

Still, no one really stood out to me as that interesting on the group date and several of them came off as just plain petty during the gathering after. A few got together to laugh at Stevie dancing with Emily, complete with pointing and talking about how stupid he looked. They all took cheap shots at Kalon (who is admittedly still annoying) and Stevie got in a pissing match with him over asking for two more minutes during one-on-one time with Emily. Will one of you guys just step up to the plate and be the man Emily is looking for? This is all pretty normal for The Bachelorette, but there are usually a couple of really likeable guys in there to balance out the ones who never got past the high school jock phase. Jef ended up with the group date rose, which I’m pretty ok with if for no other reason than that he hasn’t done anything obnoxious. Yet.

The Cocktail Party

The highlight (or lowlight, I guess) of the cocktail party was courtesy of Ryan. Ryan had been on a date with Emily that week and already had a rose, so the courteous thing would have been to let her spend most of her time with the less fortunate fellows. Instead, Ryan flagged her down to give her and make her read, out loud, a 15-minute long letter about his feelings for her. Even better, Tony was in the room with them hoping to actually get some alone time, and he had to sit there awkwardly through the entire thing. Classy, Ryan. Luckily, Tony did have a nice chat with Emily about how much he misses his kid after that uncomfortable experience was over.

Ridiculously good-looking race-car driver Arie is still my number one pick for Emily’s heart at this point.
1. When Emily came to pick Ryan up for their date wearing jeans and a t-shirt, he immediately said that she had never been more attractive to him than looking down to earth and real, and he seemed to mean it.
2. They connected again at the cocktail party and have really nice chemistry.
3. Did I mention that he’s really good-looking? He also seems genuinely sweet.

John aka “Wolf” is now officially at the bottom of my list.
1. “Wolf.” Need I say more?
2. On the group date he hoped that everyone else would suck because he is so good at performing. Boo.
3. His way of lashing out at this season’s so-called “villain” was making a lame joke about his sexuality because the guy wears designer clothes.
Three strikes, as it were. You’re not good enough for Emily, go home.

The Rose Ceremony

This week’s roses go to…Kalon, Arie, Michael, Nate, Sean, Chris, Doug, Travis, Tony, John, Alessandro, Charlie, Alejandro, and Stevie. Biology teacher Aaron with the sweet glasses was sent home, along with Kyle who made some silly comments about getting his heart broken one week in. Here’s to hoping at least a couple of those guys prove themselves in the weeks to come. Chances are good with Arie and Chris up for one-on-one dates next week, both of which have made good impressions so far.