Will I watch X Factor now that Britney Spears is a judge? Hells yes…I might!

Well, the first episode anyway.

Look, there are about zero things that differentiate The X Factor to Simon Cowell’s other singing competition baby American Idol. Even Simon himself knows it; at premiere meetings midyear 2011, he and everyone else involved with the show answered the question of how it’s any different with longing “Ums” and broken “Eh… well…s.” But I think this year he’ll at least be able to say, “Well we’ve got Britney Effin Spears, that’s how it’s different!”

And I’m okay with that.

You see, that’s sort of how NBC’s counterpart The Voice separates itself from the others — constantly throwing around Christina Aguilera’s name and cleavage like flashing signs to freakin’ watch the show already. “With our four coaches, Adam, Blake, Cee-Lo… AAAAAND CHRISTINA AGUILERA!!!! THE GREATEST VOICE OF OUR TIME. F–K IT. THE BEST VOICE EVER. SERIOUSLY, HER VOICE IS LIKE THE HARP THAT ACCOMPANIES HEAVEN’S GATES. WHEN SHE SINGS, ANIMALS TWIRL AROUND AND CLEAN YOUR HOUSE. HER VOICE IS LIKE AN EFFING DISNEY FAIRYTALE. CHRISTINA!!!!! A. GUI. LER. A.”

So, you know. And while I think that Christina Aguilera has a great voice — regardless of just how polarizing the woman can be, especially now amidst the turmoil she has caused with her fellow mouseketeer contestant Voice loser Tony Lucca — I also think she’s probably less of a commodity than Britney, and perhaps even just as fit to judge. After seeing two seasons of The Voice, the only criticism I’ve seen Christina give out is to contestants that are not on her team and mostly condescending, “Yeah, it was good. Whatever.” Thanks for the great feedback, there.

If anything, The Voice has shown just how much all you really need to do is say “You’re great, kiddo!” and let the audience just watch some performances. It’s the reason it’s the only singing competition I watch. I even watched an episode of X Factor and found it too boring.

But now Britney is going to be on. And, boy oh boy, I just can’t wait to see — ahem — how she fits in. Besides, even if Britney does lipsync her way through everything (maybe they could do that for her actual critiquing?), she’s also judging a show that’s looking for singers who have “It” to make them a star. Say what you will, but Britney definitely commands that more than any other judge on any current show. How many hits has Christina had in the past five years compared to Britney? But that said, quite honestly, I’ll probably stop after the first episode. And ultimately, the show will be watched by the average amount of people it normally is watched by. Waving Christina’s name and cleavage all around The Voice hasn’t helped its ratings increase tenfold (or even slightly), in fact, it’s probably had the opposite effect. And Britney’s name won’t either.

If for nothing else, I’m in favor of this just knowing that Christina Aguilera knows. We should get Justin Timberlake to judge American Idol. And then get Tony Lucca back to be a judge on America’s Got Talent. Ha! Imagine her response.

“Yeah, that’s great. Whatever. Sure give two slots to males. That’s derogatory to women. I hate everyone from my Disney past.”