Snooki & JWOWW recap: No joke, these kids are about to be parents

When the episode begins, Roger and JWOWW are still fighting about the hypothetical bachelor party that isn’t happening for another year (if it happens) until Jionni steps in and reminds them that they are celebrating Jenny’s birthday.

At the birthday dinner, Roger was really going at Jionni hard. He admits that he is a bit of a ball-breaker, and Jionni really is a great target.  I mean, the kid wants to make a career out of being a boat racer. “Everybody’s a dreamer!” Jionni says. No joke, this guy is about to be a father.  And then of course there is the height thing, which provides an endless amount of jokes. Roger singing the Oompa Loompa song before moving his seat ALL the way back into Jionni’s lap was just priceless. And then trying to feed the child-size Jionni via airplane method was hilarious. Nicole gets defensive, but Jionni knows it is all in good fun, which makes it even better. Those two guys can not be featured on this show enough.

The girls go out to get stuff to decorate their apartment  the next day (because apparently you can put wallpaper up in rented apartments now?).  Snooki says she wants her room to be gaudy, tacky, and full of animal print so that it really feels like home. Well, at least this girl knows she has bad taste.

It was really a little painful to watch JWOWW attempt to do a pouty face when their bill totaled over $1000. With all the plastic surgery she has had done (don’t get me wrong, it really does look good), it is obvious that it is no longer natural for her face to move that way.

While they are shopping Snooki really has to go number 2 and she doesn’t want to hold it, because apparently when you are pregnant and you hold your poop, you back up your baby’s poop. No joke, this girl is about to be a mother. Unfortunately, there was already poop just chilling in the toilet, so poor Snooks had to hold it in anyway (but really, after the clogging experiences they had in the JS house, should a few floaters really stop her?).

The girls take a night out in NYC and visit the Museum of Sex, which Jenny tells us is exactly what it is about, like it was some big secret. And the girls are shocked that there is an animal exhibit in the sex museum and they learned that Mother Nature is actually freaky, since animals apparently have lesbian sex and threesomes. After seeing the museum both girls agree that they like sex the way they like it.  I’m not sure what that implies, but good for them, I guess.

After the museum, the girls go to Ninja Dinner, which, from what I could tell, is basically like a regular dinner but ninjas keep jumping out at you out of nowhere. Of course this scares the girls every time and Snooki pees her pants before they even step out of the elevator.

While the girls are doing some more shopping the next day, they randomly run into Megan, a pregnant woman who isn’t shy about answering all of their pregnancy questions. Snooki is most concerned about her vagina ripping all the way to her butt hole, which Megan confirms does happen to some people. I’m definitely adding that to the list of reasons why I never want to birth children. But Megan assures them that in the end giving birth makes you feel like you just accomplished the most amazing thing and no one can mess with you. Say it together everyone: Awwww!

It was really great timing that the girls ran into Megan, because just that night Snooki had an appointment for an ultrasound to see her baby. Her doctor, Dr. Russo, is Jionni’s family’s doctor, so he has seen all of Jionni’s female family members’ vaginas. Awesome. Snooki is concerned that her baby won’t be healthy (given her lifestyle habits, this is understandable), which seems motherly, but when she sees the little munchkin on screen the first thing she says is “Eww!” Apparently she thought her child looked like an alien. Yup, she is totally ready for motherhood. All kidding aside, Nicole, Jionni, and Jenny were all obviously love struck by the little bun in Snook’s oven and that is cute. As some famous band once sang, all you really need is love (or something like that).

Next week, all our favorite Jersey Shore cast members are being reunited and the boyfriends (Pauly/Vinnie) are finally back together, since for some reason Vinnie couldn’t appear on the Pauly D Project (I still don’t understand that and I am still bitter). How will they react to Snooki’s double whammy of news? I don’t know, but knowing that crew, I’m sure it will be good for a few laughs.