American Idol recap: Throw a singer tantrum

Three new judges had been established, sob stories had been told, hundreds of golden tickets had been awarded and day one of Hollywood week was underway.

Day 1: Groups

Within the first ten minutes we were re-introduced to Nate Tao, the adorable Asian whose parents are both deaf. If you don’t remember his surprisingly sweet voice, just think back to Randy’s tax-preparer reference and things should add up. He (of course) made it through to the group round and all was right with the world. That is, until Karl Skinner came out. Like really, how did that guy even surpass the first phase of the competition? I saw his earlier audition. It had the same dance moves and shrieks of ridiculousness that he brought to his Hollywood week rendition of “Ain’t too proud to beg.” Thank goodness the judges sent him packing. I couldn’t, with him. I just couldn’t.

A few seconds later, we were hit with a series of meaningless short clips. However, I did get a chuckle out of the one where the guy is singing the lyric, “Drop a heart” and then opens his hands to literally drop a heart [pink, paper cut-out]. So I guess it wasn’t totally in vain. Anyhow, right before the first commercial break Cortez Shaw took the stage. I don’t know who gave him clearance to take on Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You,” but whoever it was needed to advise him NOT to hold notes longer than need-be. I mean, it wasn’t horrible but it made enough of an impression on the judges for Mariah to go out of her way to say she “Enjoyed it” and Nicki to physically and verbally express that she was “very disgusted.” He was still sent through to the group round, though.

On another Nicki Note, she executed one of THE greatest contestant fake-outs of all time. It went something like this: “You’re tired?” Contestant responds yes. “Well you’ll have a lot of time to sleep at home.” Contestant looks around all dumbfounded-like. “Nah, I’m just playing. You’re going through to the next round, but you should never tell the judges that you’re tired.” I laughed all the way until Brian Rittenberg, the guy whose wife had cancer, was sent home. He gave a country-ish delivery of Brian McKnight’s “Back at One.” Objectively, the texture of his voice was nice; he just wasn’t a standout. He had to go. From there, we were whisked away to a sequence of group performances that can only fall under the umbrella of, “I’m going to move my lips and mumble, and you remember my lyrics for me.”

As usual, the contestants sought to get a jump on the second part of day one by immediately starting to form their own groups. Little did they know, this year their groups were chosen for them. The first performance went to the “Math-heads” who took on Queen’s “Somebody to Love.” Matheus Fernandes (also known as the “plain short” guy who was bullied) opened the song and I was literally thinking what the f— is about to happen here. Then Gabe Brown, this guy with a huge soulful/rocker voice, chimed in (as did the other group members). Matheus then threw in this high note that lead to an epic ending harmony. It was kind of great. In fact, the whole group moved on to the solo round.

Next up was returning contestant, Johnny Keyser’s group. This is where the forgetting of lyrics began. They chose the song, “Reach Out I’ll Be There” by the Four Tops. He made it, but the arrangement was a real fustercluck to say the least. The following performance involved Charles Askew, the guy who was kind of socially awkward, and the very didactic Curtis Finch Junior. Curtis chose to slow down his section of Bruno Mars’ “Lazy Song” and it was a bit much. There were so many theatrics; I was over it before it was finished. Still, they were both allowed to move on to the next phase.

Let’s see, Micah Johnson’s group (the guy whose nerve damage caused a speech impediment) was just okay, nothing special. He made it through to singles round. Nate Tao’s group was a tad better; Cortez Shaw was able to redeem himself and Elijah Liu did the da-n thing. They all made it through as well. The next team of guys seized the stage and forgot the words, which proved to be a train-wreck and then “B-side” came out and did the same thing. They gave Maroon Five’s “Payphone” a go and Randy was forced to exclaim, “hang up the da-n phone.” Nicki Minaj came to their defense, as they at least tried to play to the crowd. She even went as far as to call them her favorite group of the day. The head-wrap guy and the Turbinator guy must’ve cast some kind of spell on her. Surprisingly, none of them were sent home. *Insert huge WHAT THE F— here*

The three acts afterward, were not all that memorable. One called themselves “Last Minute,” they all went home, another sang A Cappella (which was not the right move) and the other had Burnell Taylor (the guy who made Mariah cry) who was seemingly not even trying. The performance that followed those three, I do happen to remember though…for all the wrong reasons. Lazaro Arbos was introduced to us as a shy Latin guy with a stuttering impediment. His group spent a while convincing him of the song choice and getting him familiar with the lyrics. They got on stage and delivered mediocrity but Lazaro was still sent through. How was he congratulated by his eliminated group mate: H3LLA SHADE! He said something to the effect of “you might as well be leaving; we spent too much time perfecting your parts.” In Twitter-speak that would amount to a #SoreLoser #Petty #BxtchGetOuttaMyFace.

The last groups that faced the judges were “Country Queen,” “DKSK,” and “OZ.” “Country Queen” had some real characters. I can’t really tell you much about their performance because I was too hooked on the fur vest that the guy with the bald head and dimples was rocking. Not to mention JDA, who was in full WERQ mode with body glitter, silver tights and a long pony-hawk. I remember watching their rehearsal and Trevor being the only voice I was drawn to. He kept asking to forego the dance steps to go over the lyrics. No one listened and he was the only one sent packing.

DKSK was comprised of all teens who vocally meshed quite well. They didn’t hit a sour note until they started wrapping up. The competition for Kayden Stephenson, the endearing 16-year-old with Cystic Fibrosis, came to an end. If I’m allowed to have a horrible person moment, I’d like to say that Kayden’s story was likely the only reason he even received a ticket to Hollywood. His voice wasn’t nearly mature enough to be a contender. Yet, he did have all the makings of a superstar look-wise, if that counts for anything.

When OZ was about to take the stage most of the camera-time went to Frankie Ford, the train singer whose voice wasn’t all that to begin with. He was nervous that he wasn’t going to make it, throwing out excuses as to why he wasn’t prepared…basically playing victim. Can you say ANNOYING!? Their rendition of Estelle’s “American Boy” was all over the place. I enjoyed Adam Sanders, the diva who first auditioned with Etta James’ “I’d Rather Go Blind.” He wasn’t as EXTRA as I thought he’d be. Charles Allen brought some church-like qualities to his section of the song. Papa Peachez was….well…different. Nicki was right when she fought for his golden ticket because there is something special about his voice, but it really is only suited for his original songs. Frankie was the absolute worst of the worst. He actually had the nerve to throw an adult tantrum when he was eliminated. *Angry walking, dodging cameras, tears, tears, tears* “I didn’t come here to lose!” Are you kidding me? Newsflash Frankie: NO ONE SHOWS UP WITH THE INTENT TO LOSE!

Now that breaking it down is done and over with, I only have a few things more to say. The Cortez Shaw debacle: Google/YouTube that bihh. Nicki’s fake-out: Google/YouTube that bihh. The “Payphone” performance: Google/YouTube that bihh. JDA’s outfit: Google/YouTube that bihh. Last but not least, Frankie’s tantrum: Google/YouTube that bihh. Make it happen…like, now.

Day 2: Solos

In preparation for their solo performances the contestants chose a song, worked with a vocal coach and made arrangements with the band. Just as things were about to commence, they were informed that half of the forty-three were going to be cut. Talk about added pressure. You could literally see the stress all over Paul Jolly’s face as he took the stage. In fact, it left his face and trickled out of his mouth into an “I want this so bad” speech…that went on for a good amount of time. Like get to the song already Paul. He did thus, and it went well. (Side note: His voice is faintly reminiscent of Chris Daughtry.) That didn’t stop Nicki from going off, though. She basically ripped him a new one for not keeping his composure in the beginning, “All we needed was one minute of professionalism.” It was quite rough to watch.

Lazaro Arbos came out with Lady Gaga’s “Edge of Glory” and it was just okay. At this point, his backstory is more memorable than his performance. Curtis Finch Jr. gave a churchy rendition of Christina Perri’s “Jar of Hearts.” He was, again, too much with all of his runs and facial expressions but I must admit that I’m a fan. The man has undeniable talent. This year, eliminations were made after every eight singers so Paul, Lazaro, and Curtis received word of their fate at the same time. All three were sent through to the next round.

We didn’t know much about 18-year-old Devin Velez, except that he was the clear standout in the group who chose to sing A Capella. After hearing him go in on “What a Wonderful World,” it was obvious that he is a standout in general. He can finesse the h3ll out of a song. *Stands up and applauds.* Gupreet Singh Sarin (also known as the Turbinator) was one of my favorites in the early auditions. He was stylish, had a good smile and a smooth voice but in the solo round he was just very run-of-the-mill. He sang Ray Charles’ “Georgia,” whilst playing the guitar. I wasn’t feeling it, but the judges seemed pleased so kudos to him.

Matheus Fernandes had a grand FAIL moment to Kelly Clarkson’s “Stronger.” It was horrible, to the say the least. He, like Paul Jolly, gave a speech before performing but to the tune of “Everyone counts me out because I’m short, so thanks for giving me an opportunity.” Nicki used this as ammunition to express how she REALLY felt, “things with you are going from inspiring to a pity party…don’t milk your height issue, rest in being great.” I was appreciative of her honesty but like d-mn, Mariah’s “there was a disconnect” would’ve EASILY sufficed. Devin, and Gupreet (along with Cortez and Adam) progressed to the next phase but Matheus’ Idol journey came to an end.

We got a glimpse of Nicholas Mathis in the group rounds but he didn’t get a decent amount of camera-time so he wasn’t paid much mind. All of that changed solo day when he butchered Bruno Mars’ “Locked Out of Heaven.” He cried because he knew that it didn’t go well, and he walked right past Ryan Seacrest to avoid having to interview (Side note: He has really pretty eyes. I was rooting for him off that alone.) Then, Papa Peachez took the stage with “You and I.” Again, Nicki swooped in with some real-ness, “I’m pretty sure that fire I once saw in you has completely burned out. I’m so disappointed.” Both guys ended up getting cut but Nicholas threw a fit, quite comparable to Frank Ford’s. It was a real shame…a really funny shame.

To stake his claim in the competition, Nick Boddington chose to both sing and play the piano. It was epic. This blue-eyed devil has a voice that can literally seduce nuns. In Twitter-speak he totally received a #PrettyA$$Voice #H3llzYeah #DoTheD@mnThang. The ever-so-quirky Charlie Askew came out with “Somebody That I Used to Know.” He was the only one who had an intro speech that didn’t disturb Nicki Minaj. The performance started off a little rocky but he brought it on home, dawned in an over-sized, greyish suit and aqua, blue sneakers. They both advanced to the next round.

The last two to meet the judges were Burnell Taylor and Micah Johnson. Burnell (one of my early-on favorites) redeemed himself from the group round with “Jar of Hearts.” His voice was very reminiscent of John Legend’s, throughout this particular piece. It was controlled and colorful. You could sense that he was actually invested. On the other hand, Micah Johnson let the judges down with a sub-par version of Randy Travis’ “I Told You So.” In the end, Burnell moved forward and Micah was sent packing. I can honestly say that I was in agreement with most of the judges’ decisions. However, to eliminate Gabe Brown and Nick Tao (also known as the love of my life) without so much as an explanation or performance snippet made me want to write a strongly-worded document to the producers of the show. You can’t just be getting rid of people that the viewer’s care about in that kind of fashion. It doesn’t work like that! (Then again, technically it does?)

Now that breaking it down is done and over with, I only have a few things more to say. All of Nicki’s “Snapped” moments: Google/YouTube those bihhs. The Nicholas Mathis meltdown: Google/YouTube that bihh. Devin Velez, Curtis Finch Jr., Nick Boddington and Burnell Taylor’s performances: Google/YouTube those bihhs. Last but not least, Charlie Askew’s outfit: Google/YouTube that bihh. Make it happen…like, now!