How I Met Your Mother had it’s first episode from a 2 week felt-like-forever hiatus, and to be honest, I was seriously contemplating watching Gossip Girl, but then I realized that in like a half hour, my Tumblr will explode with (totally illegal) download links, so it’s fine. HIMYM it is. Or was.

How I Met Your Barney

The episode starts with Marshall and Lily telling the group about their move to Long Island, something Ted, Robin, and Barney were less than pleased with. Or at least Ted and Robin. Barney was all about being the new leader of the group, and launched into an opening credit focused on him and a disposable. Oh, and Robin and Ted in the background. It was seriously A+.

Where else can you find Russian doppelgangers?

Meanwhile, in Lily and Marshall’s new home, Lily’s dad, Mickey, refuses to move out. He also talks about his teenage sex life. A lot. He keeps on giving obnoxious  comments about how it’s his house, and he knows it better than Marshall and Lily, and where to put lamps so he can spy on a 100 year old women working out. He’s great.

Back to the bar with Robin, Ted, Barney, and Kevin, the Barnstormer is giving a short soliloquy on how they need to let Marshall and Lily go, and go to a strip club! Clearly it’s the Lusty Leopard. Barney loves the Lusty Leopard. And guess what? It’s the RETURN OF STRIPPER LILY. One thing about this show is the continuity, it’s amazing. While I’d have loved for them to bring back Mustache Marshall, Stripper Lily (aka Better Lily) had a Russian boyfriend. Who was probably in the mafia, considering he took the gang to a mafia poker game. Also the Russian gang montage was flawless. It had a Russian hat in it!

Back in the LI, Marshall accidentally causes a blackout that Mickey could have warned them about. But he didn’t. Cause he’s annoying. He also won’t tell Marshall where the fuse box is, so Marshall proceeds to walk into a dresser, and then stealthily tries to avoid furniture on his trek to the basement. The greebn-light that shined on his face was amazing. Jason Segel, never change.

When the gang is at the mafia poker game, Ted is just butter on a roll, and is making a “chip city”. Unfortunately, his playing mates, including a man with an eye patch, mohawk, and raccoon were less than pleased about this, and the gang bounced. I would too. Then there was a party in a slaughter house, probably the one Ted refused to build for Tony’s friend (throwback!), which wasn’t really a party, just an excuse for Better Lily and New Marshall to steal $800 from them. #friendsthesedays Ted and Robin also got past their “relationship chicken” phase, in which they say yes to anything and everything. This also means that they can’t high five anymore, since Robin only likes high fiving Barney. That last part didn’t exactly happen, but I’m definitely not the only one thinking that!

I'd tap that.

The gang then realizes that they can be anywhere in the world, but the best “booth”, so to speak, is wherever they are together. Happy times. So Barney, Ted, and Robin take a 46 minute trip to Long Island and visit their friends,  Bossy Lily and old Marshall. It was a happy moment. But the best moments of the episode? Clearly Ted’s…voice after Kevin asks if Marshall and Lily’s side of the booth is taken, and Robin and Kevin’s “Make it rain, SON” and “Straight pimpin'” Sorry. Also, that was really awkward to write on a computer. See you next week!