The Secret Life of the American Teenager 5×04 ‘Lies and Goodbyes’ review: Four weddings and an indictment

As much as I worry about how much our nation’s future is influenced by all the idiotic things these teenagers do, I’m comforted a little bit by the example Leo Boykewich sets for this generation’s parents. While he’s not perfect and his son is without a doubt the biggest screw-up on the show, his parenting skills are much better than George and Ann’s. Both Juergen parents are highly emotional, and let their feelings about the situations the encounter cloud their judgement. In addition, George’s heavy handed style clashes with Ann’s free-spirit attitude, which would be okay if they communicated with each other better.

Communication seemed to be the big theme of the night, with Ben divulging too much to the police and Amy & Ricky’s loved ones each planning their own wedding reception for the faux newlyweds, despite the fact that Madison couldn’t even define what a wedding reception is if asked. Early in the episode, I caught the first odd line in tonight’s script, when Ann tells Amy that Madison and Lauren were calling her. Do they share a phone number or does Ann’s phone somehow alert her that they’re together when one of them calls? Of course, Ann knows the terrible twosome as well as we fans do, so she’s right to guess that they were, but it just sounded a little weird.

Another flub-up came in Amy and Ann’s second phone conversation, in which Amy says, “we’re just fine, without a wedding, another wedding.” Though Ann reacts on her end of the line, as though she suspects they might not have gotten married, Amy catches herself too quickly after  saying, “a wedding,” for it to sound suspicious over the phone. Again with the nit-picks, I know, but screenwriting is another one of my passions when I’m not watching reviewing.

If you don’t want to hear me complain, then you shouldn’t get me started on Grace either. Her blatant hypocrisy just makes Christians look bad. Not that Christians don’t believe in repentance and forgiveness, but her character would be so much more likable if she were just a little less vocal about her faith after advertising her own very serious shortcomings around town. I don’t know if that was Brenda Hampton’s intention, since I didn’t watch every season of 7th Heaven. I do remember the Camden children being less than righteous, though their parents seemed to have it pretty well together, so I think Hampton wants to portray Christians as good people, but this show pushes the envelope as much as any other show these days, with teen pregnancies and gay characters. Again, I don’t recall 7th Heaven having to take a stance on these hot topics, but I could be wrong.

I think Ben’s lawyer (Haylie Duff) is right on the money when she tells Ruben “that kid’s an idiot” for all but confessing to setting the private school on fire. Despite having Leo for a father, I think Ben might be dumber than any of the immature and downright crazy girls on the show. Let’s take a look.

Dylan hasn’t broken up with Ben, even though she knows he still loves Amy. Raven is dating Jack just to get information about Ben, whom he’s not really friends with anymore. Grace is back to being the “crazy Christian,” and all Adrian cares about is staying in Leo’s condo. Ashley, who’s still underage by far, leaves for cooking school in Italy, where she has no adult supervision and doesn’t know the language. We’ve always known Madison is a total ditz and Lauren isn’t as smart as she looks, which leaves Amy, who’s a closet homophobe and may or may not have thrown away a package from Mimsy that is so obviously cash. I dare say that Ben may even be more of an idiot than all of these young women combined.