Gossip Girl Roundtable: 6×09 ‘The Revengers’

After taking most of season 6 off — which is unfortunate because it has been the best thing on television this season, am I right? — we’re back for a quick roundtable discussion of Gossip Girl’s penultimate episode ever. In this episode, the writers try to kill off Chuck one final time but then don’t because he’s a series regular. Who does die however is Chuck’s pop pop Bart Bass… for the second time… in one of the most dramatic (and hilarious) moments ever. In lesser dramatic but equally hilarious moments, Blair and her bitches gang practically take down a criminal (literally), Dan thinks women will like him after he trashes them publicly, Nate is behind bars because people think he is smart enough to pull off a money scheme, and Serena pretends she’s moving to Los Angeles.

But you know, it was one of the best episodes of season 6. Read our thoughts and then answer the questions in the comments!

1. Let’s start at the end: what are your initial reactions to Bart Bass Death Part Deux?

Calhoun | I mean… we all knew it had to happen, right? Has that actor ever survived a TV series?

Samantha | Was that even real? I mean, it has to be a dream sequence, right? It was SO campy!!

Michael | Okay, my initial reactions to it was that it was absolutely hilarious. The fall! The reactions shots! The music! The scene as a whole, however, was kind of grim. Robert John Burke was great at being 100% villainous instead of just having creepy face. They should have given him more of that the entire series.

2. Chuck and Blair finally have contact, you know, physically.

Calhoun | I’m not sure how I’m feeling about this. I feel like they’re one of those things were they’re kinda made by their sexual tension, ya know? Although I will never forget that limo ride in season one, so maybe I’ll take that back. yeah, I’m pretty into it, who are we kidding?

Samantha | FINALLY!! Ugh. Are we really supposed to believe that Chuck Bass has gone three months without sexual relations? This is ridiculous.

Michael | I know, Samantha! It was like the dry spell of season 5. NO ONE DOESN’T HAVE SEX ON GOSSIP GIRL. Why do you think people watch, writers? Nate’s the only one that does it right on this show. Anyway, besides that, I love how Blair completely dismissed Ivy’s “pact” as well like hers and Chuck’s isn’t completely ridiculous either, and I didn’t even realize the parallel two episodes ago.

3. Is Dan and Serena salvageable?

Calhoun | Serena needs to put Dan in her rearview. Yes, that was absolutely a reference to cracked out Blake Lively in The Town.

Samantha | No. At this point, Dan can not be redeemed. There has been too much damage. He is just the worst. Period. Also, CARTERENA 4EVA!

Michael | I mean, maybe she should put him in the rearview, but Dan also has had “a plan this whole time.” I’m eager to see what that is and what The Final Chapter is all about. It could be enough to salvage their relationship or make him the evilest. I can’t wait. (And also, I’ve just been a fan of the ludicrousness of Dan’s storyline this season. At this point, the show needed to go all the way to the deep end to be entertaining.)

4. Anything I forgot?

Calhoun | Nothing really comes to mind, but then again, I’m usually half a bottle of cabernet sauvignon in to tolerate Gossip Girl these days…

Samantha | Nate, pleaseeeee fox your lip. It is just distracting at this point.

Michael | I noticed the lip, too! But how have we not talked about Blair’s Bitches? Bahaha! I loved it. And also, why does everyone think that they’re the mayor of New York on Gossip Girl? YOU’RE BANISHED!

5. How has season 6 been treating you?

Calhoun | Final seasons are usually pretty rough, but after the turmoil (and by “turmoil” I mean “terribleness”) of Season 5, I’m willing to say goodbye.

Samantha | Honestly, I’ve really been liking it. There so many parallels (intentional and not so much) that make me lol all  the time. It’s definitely an infinite upgrade from season 5.

Michael | Somewhere a long time ago, Gossip Girl became the most ridiculous thing on television. This season, however, they’ve tried to reel it back in and what they ended up doing was just making it boring for about six episodes. Extremely boring. There was an episode where every scene I literally cried out, “Why?” At least season 5’s ridiculousness was fun to make fun of. That said, the final three or so episodes have been good enough (and ridiculous), so season 6 has been a hit or miss, I guess.

6. What grade would you give this episode?

Calhoun | B

Samantha |  A+! For the first time in a long time I was actually emotionally invested in an episode

Michael | Unfortunately, we grade GG on a curve, so A-. Hey, it did something instead of being the same episode over and over again. This is the same grade I’d give the microfilm episode, too. I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care… I loved that episode! (Keep in mind that most of the episodes would be like in the Cs this season, seriously… and ON THE CURVE.)

7. Who is Gossip Girl? Any predictions for the series finale?

Calhoun | Part of me just wants Kristen Bell to show up as Gossip Girl in what is unquestionably the most meta moment of the show’s entire run. I’m not holding out hope…

Samantha |  I already said this on tumblr, but I Dan ends up as GG, I am rewatching all the episodes and writing a list of all the times when that would have made NO SENSE!

Michael | Yeah, it seriously looks as though Dan is going to be Gossip Girl, but according to the promos it could actually be that Dan knows who Gossip Girl is and has yet to say it. So there’s that. Maybe that’s what The Final Chapter is all about, an exposé on the person with the most power on the UES. I mean, how do you get power (which Dan wants)? By cutting off the head. Other predictions: Nate leaves Sage for an older lady; Sage falls off a roof. Chuck gets arrested and Blair visits him to have sex because they’re like “aw, F it.” Lily has lines and Rufus smiles at her. Ivy is amazing and does Tarantula by herself. Serena DERPS her way back to New York but ends up alone. Georgina goes clinically insane and roams the streets yelling sexual innuendos at everyone and screaming bloody mary mating calls.