Teen Wolf ‘Tattoo’ recap: This fleeting feeling is ephemeral

We open with a wounded Isaac, too weak to get up on his own. An attractive girl picks him up, tells him someone’s claws caused the wounds on his neck. “I can’t remember anything,” he tells her. “That’s also how they steal memories,” she responds. Um… what? Soon enough they’re racing down a green screen with these twins chasing after them, trying all as they can to scratch any bit of flesh.

Also, as it turns out, these twins can morph into one super shapeshifter — and new girl is not having any of that. She takes them out with what I believe is a shotgun… for now. New girl and Isaac lay wounded in an abandoned warehouse (of course).

Basically, welcome back, Teen Wolf. It has definitely been too long.

Meanwhile, Stiles has accompanied Scott to get a tattoo… that is for all intents and purposes… just, why? Right? Was I the only one asking this question? Stiles wastes no time in telling him, either. As soon as Scott’s werewolf magic heals the tattoo — and there are no quotes, because it was definitely a wound — he’s all, “Thank goodness, ’cause it was fugly.” Turns out, Scott has always wanted a tattoo. And he was getting one because he was proud of himself for not contacting Allison in the four months she has not been wanting to talk to him.

“I shall permanently mark my body for passing my kind of breakup.”
—Scott

But can we talk about how and when he got the tattoo permanently marked? While at Derek’s house, where Isaac could be internally bleeding or something, they all stop to burn Scott’s tattoo so it can’t be healed out of existence. Then, Stiles says the pain Scott and Allison’s not-really breakup has caused an emotion to be felt by Scott which feels like an “open wound…” while Isaac is there with an actual open wound. No time to heal the physically wounded; I know that feel, bro.

Basically, Scott is having a lot of feelings during this premiere. And there’s an alpha wolf pack after him. Plus, he’s learning new words. Life is just really tough, guys. And everything is just so ephemeral. This entire episode, Scott’s been telling everyone that he’s a change man; he’s ready to be a better son, a better student, and a better wolf. But my favorite thing is that the writers threw in literary readings, for good measure. It’s as if they all collectively read every recap and were like, “We seem to have a dimwit dumb not the brightest always absent and getting horrible grades problem” and then just piled on classic novels for him to read.

So, basically, I love that they made Scott start to read things, including the dictionary.

Allison and her father are concerned with not being concerned about anything in town. Allison realizes that there’s a wolfpack nearby, and her father more or less tells her that it’s not their problem anymore. But, um, actually, sir, if you live in that town: it is your problem. Why would you come back to a town where everyone you loved died because of what you just vowed to stop fighting against? It’s like a suicide anti-moving. For now, however, they’ve decided to just ignore everything they see that might be weird.

Which, for the record, include the following: (A) A deer running straight into Lydia’s car and (B) at least a dozen birds, also, crashing their way into a classroom. And no, Keri Russell wasn’t even in sight. How could anyone ignore those signs? And why did none of the students think about leaving the classroom while that flocking mess was happening? They’re really serious about ignoring.

Just as Lydia is ignoring that her feelings have been hurt that Jackson left for London. Sure. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, as they say, and Lydia is adopting that policy with some random guy in her bed on the first day of school and with maybe one or both of the new twins (who are crazy evil). Hey, it’s a much better step to recovery than getting Scott’s tattoo. Unfortunately for Stiles, she still doesn’t want to sleep with Stiles.

Scott gets a call from his mother, who is trying to adapt quickly to the whole her-son-being-a-werewolf thing, that Isaac is hurt in the hospital. But as soon as he tries to free him from there: some guy comes to kidnap him! then there’s a huge fight in the elevator! then Derek comes out of nowhere and claws the guy in the back! “Aren’t you supposed to be at school?” he asks. Scott stares as if Derek is even really alive, like he’s just seen a ghost. “School is ephemeral.”

At Derek’s house, Scott learns that there’s an all-Alpha pack coming for all of them. “How do you even defeat an all-Alpha pack?” he asks. “With all the help I can get,” Derek replies. “Man, this fight is so not going to be ephemeral!”

Meanwhile Isaac’s dying like, “Can I get some help here?”

It turns out that, yes, there’s an all-Alpha werewolf pack that’s in town just to kill Scott, for the most part. And New Girl was trying to warn Scott about it, but unfortunately for her, her time’s up before the credits roll. It was nice… knowing(?) you, New Girl.

They’ve fought the impossible before, but now the Teen Wolf pack is facing another seemingly not defeat-able villain: werewolves… you know, again! So, it’s going to be a good season. I can feel it. When does Allison get her bow again?

Other observations:

• Stiles’ dad is just so exhausted, the poor guy. He’s all, “I’ve had multiple calls today. I took this cop job but I didn’t know it required work.”
• What does the mark on Allison and Lydia mean!? And who were those people in the final shot? All so ominous!
• Will “ominous” be one of Scott’s words of the day? Will we be getting more words of the day?
• What was with the teacher’s complete invasion of privacy, texting everybody? And doesn’t she seem like one of those professors who “cares” but just ends up being annoying? I hated those. Then again, I also never had the best attendance record. That could be it.
• Also I loved the doctor who was just so pissed that they had some guy in the surgery room without any wounds. “Damn it! I wanted a guy fighting for his life! This guy is healthy!“

What did you think of the season three premiere?