Gossip Girl’s Chair and Dair: A treaty to end the ship war

You may have noticed that Gossip Girl articles aren’t exactly the friendliest places to be on the interwebs these days – namely the comments sections. We can thank the intense ship war between those who want to see Blair with Dan and those who believe she belongs with Chuck for this. We can no longer peruse the thoughts of our fellow Gossip Girl fans without reading a variety of arguments and insults that shippers rehash more often than the writers recycle storylines.

So I’ve been thinking about writing about this lately because seriously guys, this shit is way out of control. And then it occurred to me: what better way to address a war than to write up a peace treaty a la Chuck and Blair in season 4? Except that this one won’t result in hot, angry piano sex. Probably.

Article I

We recognize that everyone has valid reasons for liking the couple or characters they do. Maybe we love the way Blair has supported Chuck at his lowest or Dan and Blair’s witty banter. Maybe we like Chuck’s smoldering gaze over Dan’s puppy dog eyes. Maybe what we love about our ship is what we hate about the other guy’s, but that doesn’t make them wrong, it just means they prefer kinky sex games to charming movie dates.

Therefore, we agree to stop using the word “delusional” when referring to other shippers. It’s not like they’re going around claiming that God told them to be in a loveless marriage forever who to ship…now that would be crazy.

Article II

We recognize that calling out the other fandom for being the meanest people on the face of the planet makes us look like enormous jackasses. Especially when we follow it up with a statement about how delusional they are for thinking Chuck and Blair could ever do anything but eat babies and rule over Mordor if they were together. Guess what? There are assholes in every group.

We agree to stop generalizing about the other fandom when discussing our ships. The words “you Dair/Chair shippers” should be avoided.

Article III

As shippers, we really are passionate about our pairings, maybe to an unhealthy extent. If we are this obsessed, there is probably something awesome about our ship. So yeah, we’re going to defend that and argue our points and talk about it because it’s fun and that’s what we do!

We agree to keep it classy and not get personal in our inevitable arguments. After all, we’re intelligent people capable of carrying on a mature conversation. Right? Right??

Article IV

With that in mind, there are things about these other couples that just piss us off and sometimes we need to rant. I’m sure we all have some very snappy one-liners to make fun of the other ship and it would honestly be a shame to waste them.

We agree to avoid trolling spaces devoted to the other fandom. This doesn’t mean we can’t visit to ask questions or make points; we just don’t go in there to incite conflict. In our own sovereign space, we reserve the right to be total bitches about other couples.

Article V

Finally, we may have forgotten that we are all actually part of the same fandom. For some reason, we’re all addicted to Gossip Girl. So we could maybe talk about something other than our ship and focus on all the common ground that comes from loving (/hating) the same show and just be friends!

I have a dream, that one day Chair shippers and Dair shippers will be able to share the same comments thread without resorting to caps lock. I have a dream that we will be able to make fun of ourselves as often as we make fun of everyone else. I have a dream that we can all just relax and enjoy our favorite guilty pleasure together!

If that doesn’t work out, I have a bottle of tequila here. Any Serenate/Derena/non or multi-shippers wanna join me for a shot? Ooh, Nair shippers, can I pour you a double?

Feel free to sign the treaty by leaving a comment with your name and your ship! And let me know what you think. Are you sick of the fan wars? Do you actually kind of like the gruesome violence and bloodshed?