[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQ6iAlDRPko]

Well, Gossip Girl is back in our lives — and that means a whole bunch of storylines and plot holes that either (A) make no sense; or (B) really don’t make any sense. And you know what? I’m okay with that. Because sometimes you just have to turn on the TV and not think for a while, you know? Especially on Mondays, the first day of the work week. After a full eight hours of sitting at your desk and mind-numbingly churning out crappy assignments, plus an hour of pretending you like anyone at that godforsaken place, it’s nice to curl up at night to an episode of comfy and reliable Gossip Girl.

Hahahahaa!!! No, I’m totally kidding. About the “comfy” part. I’m pretty sure this show is about as reliable as they come, in terms of predictability. Which kind of makes me sad. But it’s still fun in that sense too.

So last week: Dan and Blair did it, Lily bitched at Ivy, Chuck wanted to look for his mom, and Serena DERP’d in front of her Gossip Girl laptop. Next week… it looks like more of the same, honestly. Except Bart Bass is back!

Well, in the form of Diana Payne. But we all know it’s Bart Bass. Just look at the way Bart speaks to Nate about getting him down to his skivvies. He wan’ it. But there’s a problem, Nate is with Lola and together they’ve formed the world’s biggest Boring Couple ever — will Nate be tempted to some more afternoon delight with his boss/f buddy/best friend’s dad?

Sometimes Gossip Girl can be so deep, you know?

Meanwhile, Chuck is preoccupied with the same story he gets every single season during the last batch of episodes, which is looking for his mom. But in his efforts, he sort of forgot his other mother, Lily, who is living in Brooklyn and bitching about it constantly to her husband, who continuously bitches back like he has the right to make any sort of complaints since he does nothing! Like, what? Anyway, Lily doesn’t want to live in Brooklyn, but doesn’t want to sacrifice the money she doesn’t have to move back to her apartment, and neither of these two have thought about ringing Chuck up to ask for a hotel to stay in for a while.

Over at the UES, Serena’s previous attempts at being G-Girl meant her putting blasts about what’s happening to her constantly, but now she doesn’t want to do that at all. So she’s going to appoint Lola — the one she tried to convince to stay in New York with her family — as the person she’s going to gossip about. Wow, nice going there cuz/sis! Sheesh. Serena, by the way, is out of a job. So she’s basically going to be staying home, sitting on her ass in front of her laptop, updating her blog all day with bitchy retorts.

Oh, my goodness. SHE’S ME. I AM HER. WE ARE THE SAME PERSON. WHOOAAAAA. Did I just DERP too?! How much time before I completely transform into Serena van der Woodsen? At least then, I can just walk down the street and bump into a career opportunity.

Dan and Blair, by the way, are I’m sure doing something. But who knows? And that’s what’s coming up next week!