1. Chuck’s family — and all the twists and turns.

Samantha | Chuck needs to go on the Maury show so this whole business can be straightened out once and for all. But seriously, why are the only storylines the writers can give him either him pining after Blair or trying to figure out who his family is? Can’t we do something new?

Elodie | OK… as a girl, I know it’s a little weird that I’ve never really seen the appeal of Ed Westwick… but OH MY GOD, that picture of Jack and Chuck on some beach or other was too cute! I now understand his appeal. Also, I’m glad Chuck’s realized that this discussion is actually about who his father is. Obviously Bart never died in the car crash and the whole thing was a front for a sex change. (Diana only ‘existed’ three years ago, huh?)

Camila | The fact that this is the only storyline Chuck gets is ridiculous. Last episode it was Diana, now it’s Elizabeth again. And Diana isn’t her real name (because she’s Bart, of course). But hey, after this thing with who’s the mom solved, now it’s who’s the father.

Monika | Gossip Girl actually surprised me with this one! Did not see that coming. Then I thought about how Chuck’s ex-girlfriend has had sex with his dad. Poor Chuck! Too bad Nate hasn’t actually had sex with his real mother. That would have completed the polygon of dysfunctional Bass family relationships.

Michael | Well, obviously it’s about his father—because that’s Diana since she’s Bart, so. Second, what was up with that creepy photoshopped picture? Oh, my goodness—that was creepy. And third, why would Elizabeth respond to Nate? I’m so very confused. Anyway, beyond that, I’m glad that Chuck is getting a storyline, since he had about zero in the beginning of this season, but the real problem with this one is that it’s not “twisty” and it’s not “shocking.” It’s just mainly deceitful. Every episode has ended with them revealing some truth that then isn’t even the truth in the next episode. That’s not a good twist in the least. It’s starting to become The Killing.

2. Lily and Ivy scheming together! And Rufus is on the sidelines.

Samantha |  Rufus is obviously going through a househusband crisis. He’ll come crawling back. He has gotten used to the lifestyle. And Lily has taken the WASP matriarch throne that Cece left for her and is ruling like a champ. I love her more than ever!

Elodie | I got excited seeing the amount of Ivy in the “previously” clips! It was great to see her again, but Lily is kind of a bitch. It’s not even interesting, when’s she going to die or move to California?

Camila | Bitch!Lily is back! Finally, she was so boring before. Her scheme was really good, to be honest. I’m just sorry for her that this may cost her her wedding. Not that I beliebe Rufus will actually ask for a divorce, but who knows…

Monika | I kind of love Evil Lily. She’s not even trying to pretend like she’s a good person anymore. That was a cold bitch move when she called her own husband a kept man (even though it’s true). I look forward to her impending downward spiral. Also, Ivy why would you rip up the million dollar check!?!! C’mon! These people are the worst! Take the money and just gooo. You can buy yourself a better family!

Michael | Like Elodie, I was excited to see so much Ivy in the “previously” recap because I knew it meant she’d be in this episode! (I mean, I guess I could have read the episode descriptions or something.) This storyline is really working for me. I can understand why Lily decided to scheme—because she was hurt and lashed out—and I even love the tension that has grown with Lily and Rufus. I think she offered the “divorce” solution way too soon, but whatever. I also love that they’re bringing these jokes we’ve been making about Lily and Rufus’ setup all season long to the forefront and giving them some dramatic edge.

3. Serena and her dad.

Samantha | Serena was her usual self-centered self, but she was a bit too self-aware about her own daddy issues. Serena would never own up to such a thing, though I do think that scene with her dad at the end was Blake’s best acting on this show.

Elodie | The perfect Serena reaction to finding out she’s not an only child. (Eric doesn’t count, he’s basically been emancipated, right?) I kind of feel for Serena and her daddy issues, one of the few compelling, but long running, story lines.  I usually never feel sad for Serena, but when she made that comment about her dad walking Lola up the aisle, yeah her dad is kind of a dick. I love you Serena! But I mean, for all you may not be his favorite anymore, at least you’re not Eric.

Camila | I felt sorry for Serena. Her dad never cared about her and when he finds out he was another daughter he’s all about her. You can go away now, William.

Monika | Aww, that scene with Serena and her dad made me kind of sad. It was the first time in a while that I felt bad for S. But a small part of me was also thinking “So what you’re basically is saying is that you had a shitty relationship with your father so Lola should too?”

Michael | So, perhaps Serena didn’t have much of a right to be so bitchy towards Lola…but I also loved the payoff with Serena’s storyline. Much of this whole William is Lola’s father story (which at this point, I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s not her father given the Chuck “twists”) has relied on what it means to Lola and William and Carol, all three characters I could not care less about. So I’m very glad that there was a push for what it all meant for Serena more than any of those people. And I just knew William would skip town! Oh, well. (Oh, and obviously Eric is irrelevant now.)

4. Blair tries to steal Dan’s spotlight.

Samantha | I have never seen a more immature, regressive character than Blair Waldorf. She needs to stop blaming everyone else for her own shortcomings and examine her own life choices. SHE was the one who decided to marry a prince so she could fulfill her princess fantasies. SHE was the one who dropped out of college to be a socialite. Although, I thought it was hilarious that she claimed that she lost herself sometime after she was with Chuck in season 3 (don’t even get me started on bringing THAT up again, when Blair has forgiven him and gone back to him multiple times already), but Dan said he knew the ‘real’ her when they worked together at W. Um…….both of those things can not be true, timeline-wise. Just saying. Also, in season 3 we did learn that apparently she has no respect for those she uses her in schemes. So, perhaps her true feelings about Dan have been revealed?

Elodie | That was really painful to watch. I’m really sad about how Dan and Blair have turned out, it feels like a huge anti-climax. I really like Dan in this relationship, but Blair – dear god. Kill me I can’t watch this! Better yet, kill her.

Camila | I thought it was kind of ridiculous. I mean, Blair is insecure and needs to feel like all is right in the world, like she said, but this is way more immature than everything she’s done. I really don’t like what they are doing to her. It needs to stop. And I thought the same as Samantha, I even said it to a friend. How does she mention the hotel incident as an exemple of something that make her lose herself if Dan talked about a girl who he “met” after the incident?

Monika | This was so stupid beyond belief. I have no words. I think I even yelled at my computer screen at one point: “JUST GO TO COLLEGE, YOU IGNORANT DUMBASS”. Though thumbs up for Dan supporting her afterwards. Good man.

Michael | Geez. We’re pretty harsh here in the roundtable. So I may get shot for saying this in this roundtable, but I kind of loved this storyline as well. Disregarding the timeline issues, because we can say that about any current storyline to be honest, I once again admire the writers for taking this glaring issue (and sometimes joke) of the out-of-character Blair Waldorf during season 5. Now, the scheme was a bit grade C, but at least they’re trying. I found Blair’s speech absolutely hilarious (anonymously, of course)…and change for the Blair character from wherever she’s been all season can only be a good thing. I remember last year when she told Chuck she wanted to be Blair Waldorf before being his girlfriend, and I like that they’re bringing this up again. I can only hope it goes somewhere this time and she doesn’t find some uncharismatic magical genie who grants her four wishes and runs off to Aladdin land or something.

5. Nate and Diana (aka Bart Bass, obviously).

Samantha | DIANA HAS ONLY EXISTED FOR 3 YEARS! SHE IS BART! Nate is so pretty. But how the heck was HE the one who figured out that Jack might be lying? Nate. Nate Archibald. Resident golden retriever and idiot. I can’t with this show.

Elodie | As I already suggested, obviously she has had a sex change to become Diana rather than Bart and the whole death thing was a rouse. BUT, the real question is, how far did the sex change go? Personally I like the idea that Diana (aka Bart Bass) still has a penis, but Nate hasn’t realized that this is peculiar yet and actually quite likes it. I anticipate that the ‘Diana is Bart’ story line will play out when Nate begins to mention some of his and Diana’s kinky games to Chuck.

Camila | I need to see more shirtless Nate on this show. It’s a fact. Now, about the storyline, Nate was actually pretty smart on the whole situation. Diana didn’t suspect a thing and he had sex. I bet his face when he finds out that Diana is Bart will be priceless.

Monika |  LOL Nate and Lola just broke up like two seconds ago. The guy just cannot keep it in his pants, especially around guest stars.

Michael | So Bart and Nate go at it again. It’s an awkward storyline…during the time that we thought Diana was Chuck’s father. But it seems Diana has caught actual feelings for Nate (or is that another rouse?). We all know that Nate was destined to be with a 40 year old woman or Chuck’s father. True love.

6. Any other thoughts?

Samantha | FINALLY Carol is forced to take some of the blame for the Ivy thing! Anyone who reads New York Magazine knows that Dan’s book would NEVER be considered highbrow. Never. (But Blair and her Kardashian-length marriage would totally be lowbrow). Also, the return of Jack next week is so glorious and wonderful and I can’t wait for it.

Elodie | Dear God, the writers were on form! The joke about Dan trending on twitter (good one) and then Nate’s gem of Lola’s problems being “not related” to Serena… I’m still laughing.

Camila |  It took Lily a secret daughter to do something about Carol, but she did it anyway. And I love Ivy, she needs to stay on the show! When is Dan going to have a haircut by the way? And according to the next episode’s promo, Blair is finally having scenes with the other characters on the show. So that’s good!

Monika | I’m going to use this spot to complain about CW’s online streaming. Seriously, it took me two hours to watch a 45 minute episode. The number of commercials is ridiculous, as well as the constant lag. Has anyone else had problems with it?

Michael | Lola is going to become the new Gossip Girl!? I predicted she was Gossip Girl previously—so I’ll take it! Maybe it’ll make her interesting. Also, by association, everyone has slept with everyone on this show now…even both pairs of siblings. Yay! When is Lily and Nate going to happen? I kid…but only because of Rufly.

7. What grade would you give this episode?

Samantha | I give it a C+. It was basically the same recycled storylines, but with too much Blair and not enough Chuck. That plus is for BAMF Lily and shirtless Nate, basically.

Elodie | C-, it was ok, but kind of like waffles without syrup.

Camila | C because of Blair’s behavior and the thing with Chuck’s mother.

Monika | I would give it a B-. It was vastly less annoying than last week’s episode but Blair was still being stupid.

Michael | Screw it — I’m giving this one an A. It’s one of the more entertaining episodes this season. I think everyone had a well-balanced part in the episode, there were plenty of meta/inside jokes, there was movement forward (save for the millionth twist in the Chuck storyline), emotional payoff for most characters, and there was even hot sex. All that’s missing is some drug use and someone plotting to kill someone else and we might be back at at least season 4 levels.