I mean, is there anything else I really have to write? Ugh, there is? Fine.

George meets a stunning granola-y blonde at the farmers market (Alicia Silverstone!!!!) and sparks are a’flyin. Her name is Eden and she offers him an apple (that part was a little much/weird/biblical). When he asks her to go out for coffee she suggests health smoothie/juice instead of coffee, because coffee is the devil, and he has an allergic reaction that lands him in the hospital.

She says, “I’ve never seen someone react like that to natural ingredients.” His response: “Well, I’m a New Yorker”. That’s good stuff, people. Then they kiss and it’s magical and they make plans to see each other again. I mean, it’s a little Hitch-y but whatever I’m down, of course I’m into it, it’s Cher and Elton!!!!

Then Tessa and Dallas are working together at Dallas’ Crystal shop when Dalia comes by to ask for money. Dalia then tries to fire Tessa, “mommy, I just fired Tessa without severance.” Dalia is looking great by the way. I think she lost weight. She’s awesome.

Lloyd (sorry Rex Lee, you’ll always be Lloyd and calling you anything else is a LIE!) is having domestic disputes with his boyfriend. Lloyd wants to get a pet because he wants them to be more like a family.

When Geroge tells Noah that he found someone he’s smittin with Noah responds by saying he and Jill are having a baby and they arrange a celebratory double date.  Blah blah blah, they arrive at the date to find out that Alicia Silverstone is both George’s new love interest AND Noah and Jill’s therapist. I mean, Noah, Eden? Who on the Suburgatory staff is pushing a biblical agenda? I can’t. So they all decide George and Eden can’t date because it’d be too weird. But Georgie is sad, poor guy.

Dallas freaks out because Yakault goes missing. Seriously, how many times can this dog play an integral part in the plot line? Infinity? Ok, cool. Tessa helps Dallas find Yakault. They use some “Joy-stick based security” to see what happened and they discover Dalia Oprah Royce swept Yakault right out the door.

Lloyd finds Yakault and thinks she’s a stray so he takes it as a sign from God that he should have a dog to complete his little gay family. He names him Hanson and MMMBop plays. Genius. Also oddly serendipitous because I read via my Facebook newsfeed today (duh, where else would I get my news?) that Taylor Hanson just had his 5th child. It seems like he’s… Over compensating. Whatever.

George convinces Noah that he should be able to see Eden. The deal they strike is that George can’t get physical with Eden until Noah’s test tube baby is out of her uterus.

Then Tessa and Dalia go to East Chatswin to find Yakulat. “I think you knew I was grounded so you lied so you could lure me into East Chatswin so you could murder me, so you could get plastic surgery, so you could assume my identity, so you could be cool,” thanks for being amazing, Dalia Oprah Royce.

Then some old school action movie homage style chase scene happens with Lloyd, Tessa and Dalia. It’s really kind of boring and stupid and I was pretty much annoyed by it. They bring Yakault back to Dallas and Dalia says, “Yakault was living as a gay male dog in East Chatswin.” I’ve quoted Dalia like 18 times in this recap, and you best be enjoying it.

THEN THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER HAPPENS – finally a Clueless reference in Alicia Silverstone’s first episode. George goes to find Eden at the farmers market and the following conversation happens:

Eden: It’s a weird situation. And you feel uncomfortable. Didn’t work out. Oh well. Sucks!

George: I know, I acted…

Eden: Narrow-minded, yeah. I didn’t expect that from you. It kinda blows.

George: So which is it, does it suck or does it blow?

Eden: Both.

Perfection. The end.