Oy, The CW really knows how make any teen drama fan long for the glory days of FOX primetime soaps. 90210 is no exception, though for the most part it is one of those shows where you can turn your brain off for an hour and just sit and pretend to follow the motivations of the characters within the stylized beach-set drama. And it looks like, if you are into this sort of thing, you will get another heaping helping as 90210 was officially renewed for a fifth season last week.

This week, the game of revolving door relationships continued, as “bedroom eyes” Navid (Michael Steger) and “bedroom abs” Liam (Matt Lanter) battled for the Silver (Jessica Stroup) prize, conveniently forgetting that the choice is up to neither one of them. If it’s continuity you are looking for, look elsewhere. Turns out Liam’s ex Annie (Shenae Grimes) doesn’t remember being in love with him three months ago, nor is she even the least bit disturbed by this new development. I have to say, I was sorely disappointed. I remember severely disliking 90210 when it first aired, but by the time Matt Lanter made his first appearance, I was very intrigued to see how the next generations take on Dylan and Brenda would unfold. I was instantly drawn into their on-screen chemistry and was rooting for the two of them to find their way into each others arms at some point. The further development, which occurred in season 2, really had me hooked. Fine, fine, for all of you who know what I am talking about, it was cheesy… but kind of cute, right? This is why I just can’t support a legitimate pairing between Liam and Silver. How am I supposed to believe the feelings he pretty much always maintained for Annie have disappeared, and Silver’s feelings for Navid have not? They dated just as long.

I guess Annie is to busy further reminding the audience that once she moved to Beverly Hills, she became a corrupt version of her former good-girl self, having already managed to escape punishment for three pretty serious felonies: murder, prostitution, and theft. This time, she’s managed to cause Catholic priest Caleb (guest star Robert Hoffman) to turn his back on his faith. Honestly, I cannot figure out what this storyline was supposed to be about. If it was to interject some type of morality lesson into the show, it certainly failed. That said, Annie and Caleb have some awesome chemistry, but even that cannot make me forget how ridiculous this storyline turned out be. 

Speaking of Caleb, did anyone have trouble understanding how on earth the writers came up with the idea that he would somehow have the authority to place Ivy (Gillian Zinser) on some involuntary hold in an insane asylum? LOL. I might have believed this…erhm…never. During this episode, Ivy is freed but forced to attend therapy sessions, and she still finds a reason to mope around like Kristen Stewart. Seriously, why is she still relevant?

While on the topic of relevance: Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes), who is well on her way to becoming the next Taylor Swift. The writers actually surprised me with their ability to re-integrate this character back into the show. We even saw her in scene with all three of her former besties: Naomi (Annalynne McCord), Annie, and Silver. I was really growing tired of her role as the local bar maid, having been quite the epic bitch last season. It was really getting hard to remember why it was decided that Adrianna didn’t just jump off that cliff last year. And, who knew Jessica Lowndes is actually quite a decent singer? Might just be the first country song I have ever heard that didn’t hurt my ears. Austin (guest star Justin Deeley) is good for her character too. Although, I had to LOL when the cops arrested these 30-year-old teenagers for not providing valid ID’s, after Bree (guest star Cameron Goodman) tipped them off that they were all underage while drinking at Liam’s bar– this is after they arrest her for prostitution, which Austin frames her for in order to coerce her into admitting she was responsible for the fire at the Cappa House. You remember this three month old storyline don’t you?

In other news, Naomi is still in love Max (guest star Josh Zuckerman) and happens to be planning his wedding to the painfully innocent Madison (guest star Caitlin Thompson). On what planet would Naomi be hired to plan a wedding, and on that note, how is her “business” even legitimate? Her would-be office is an abandoned sex shop. Oh, I’m thinking again. Right. Back to 90210, Naomi attempts to prove Madison is secretly a big fat hoe—and enlists, wait for it…NICK CARTER’s help! Because anyone likes Nick Carter? LOL. Anyway, Naomi underestimates the ability of a washed up celebrity to seduce anyone, and unfortunately for her Madison is as flawless as she appears. Naomi has been flopping around for an entire year without much purpose and this episode further enforced that.

Next week on the season 4 finale, Naomi wants her nerd back, Silver wants to join the cast of Teen Mom, Ivy hides her illegal boyfriend in a church so the cops won’t arrest him (honestly, the writers are really overestimating the authority religion has in modern society, huh?), Dixon (Tristan Wilds)’s return launches another love triangle, and…TEDDY MONTGOMERY (Trevor Donovan) returns to Beverly Hills! Will you be watching? I know I will. Until then…let’s all take a moment to stare at this…