The nonsense drama continues this week on the season four finale of 90210, as everyone begins to accept the challenges of turning 40. Wait, wrong show. No, actually, right show.

Naomi (Annalynne McCord) is a cougar, back on the prowl. Her desire to get back into Max’s pants heart is the big storyline this week. This is all she’s ever wanted…for the past 24 hours, yet for some reason everyone keeps walking around saying “I always totally thought that Max and Naomi would end up together.” Was this before or after Naomi cheated on Max with the cowboy a year ago, or when she was getting married to another douche herself, only two weeks ago? Max doesn’t want her though, “see you around” being his response when Naomi tells Max (guest star Josh Zuckerman) and Madison (guest star Caitlin Thompson) she’s leaving to take a job that she is absolutely not qualified for. Rachel (guest star Michelle Hurd) is threatened by her “success”? LOL. Anyway, Max lies claiming he was drunk when he told her he thought he was potentially making a mistake. Austin (guest star Justin Deeley) tells her later, he wasn’t drunk, and Naomi decides to make an ass of herself and busts into the wedding looking like a bitch on e in the middle of a reenactment of Sister Act. Seriously, I’m expected to believe some wasp from the suburbs chose that group to sing at her wedding? LOL. Max gives her a look like “pretty sure we went over this.” Just kidding, Max is in still in love with her. Awe their love is totes real you guys…for like, the next five minutes at least.

Annie (Shenae Grimes) likes weddings, but she would rather be naked with her priest boyfriend all day. Caleb (guest star Robert Hoffmann) whines a bit more about Jesus, just to beat this storyline to death as much as possible, and Annie decides she cannot allow him to leave the priesthood. LOL…what? This show…

Silver (Jessica Stroup) decides she would like to join the cast of Teen Mom after all, and Navid (Michael Steger) being the ginormous tool that he is, decides he would like to be the one to put the bun in her oven. Navid thinks this means they are back together. Silver isn’t concerned with such lifelong commitments though; she is more concerned with having a baby…wait…

Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) has fans. LOL. Her song is already on iPod’s everywhere. The fanbase is even making T-shirts. Dixon (Tristan Wilds) leaves her several voicemails. He is so over his fake music career and tells Adrianna to meet him at the pier. When he doesn’t show, Adrianna leaves with Austin to go perform in Las Vegas. Oh but wait, Dixon is actually on his way home. Nevermind, a semi hits the car he is riding in, and Dixon…

…DIES!

Just kidding. I mean, maybe. You think Adrianna will steal Dixon’s songs too?

Liam and Adrianna wallow in how horrible it is to be famous. “Ugh…everyone recognizes me. I can’t even go to the gas station anymore.” LOL. Liam’s big (fake) movie does superb at the box office, and the studio wants to film the sequel in get this…Bolivaaaa. Somehow, they decide to tell Vanessa (guest star Arielle Kebbel)…before telling Liam? LOL. Oh yeah, she’s back and she is ready to turn Liam back her into bitch. Sad part is, you almost get the sense that Liam will consider it.

Kristen Stewart Ivy dies. I wish. Something, something, dude, something, something, illegal boyfriend, rally, marriage proposal, deported. Enough said.

The big surprise of the night, and I mean beyond the fact that I managed to make it through the hour without dying, was the return of Teddy Montgomery (Trevor Donovan). But that isn’t all…Silver totes forgot to remember her gay boyfriend is at her disposal for any baby-making needs she may have. In all seriousness, this would be a very heartwarming storyline…if they weren’t 19 years old. Instead, it’s sort of uhm…gross?

Though they would make beautiful babies…on second thought maybe they should reconsider having children together…say hello to Silver Jr. and Teddy Jr. Hmm…

 

 

 

 

Freaky!

 

Next season, Annie experiences the throws of menopause, Liam’s acting career will suffer due to his male pattern baldness, Silver decides she wants to beat out the octo-mom: nonuplet mom, and word has it Naomi will even be allowed to have the green jell-o when she is placed in a retirement home. I guess you really can have it all in Beverly Hills. LOL, see you all next year.