Source: ABC Family

Did The Secret Life of the American Teenager fall into a mall fountain, hit its head and wake up thinking it was Glee? Last week, Amy and Ricky came home from their wedding chapel visit and Ben fainted when he heard the news. This week, the episode begins in the halls of Grant High, where Ben throws a fit that Amy didn’t tell her about the wedding and Dylan presents her with a cake made by her mother, which she’s forced to wheel around school all day.

Elsewhere, Madison has dyed her hair blonde, probably because there were too many redheads on the show. This leaves Ann, Bunny and Dylan as the last gingers standing. Amy questions her best friends’ attire, and they play it off until Amy opens her locker. Confetti flies everywhere and Bruno Mars’ “Marry You” plays.

Maybe I should rethink the accusations I made earlier. It looks as though The Secret Life hit its head and woke up as The Glee Project, because I recall the show already used “Marry You” for the love montage of Ricky and Amy in the season premiere. When did this song become the anthem for young love? Yes, they’re teenagers who snuck off to elope, but they could have chosen a song about a love or marriage that’s slightly more beautiful than getting married in Vegas while drunk. My last criticisms about the performance are that Ricky should have been present and that they should have staged the flash mob in the gym instead of the hallway with more dancers. Maybe they just couldn’t get enough students excited about celebrating Amy’s second marriage.

Alas, you won’t hear anymore complaints from me (fingers crossed behind back). At the butcher shop, Bunny and Leo congratulate Ricky about the wedding. I’d just like to say how much I love Leo and Ricky’s relationship. Even though Margaret and Shakur adopted Ricky, I feel as though Leo has been the most important father figure in Ricky’s life. In this episode he gives Ricky cash as a wedding gift and Ricky tells him that he plans to study business. Leo says he would love Ricky to be a bigger part of Boykewich International and Ricky brings up some concerns about Ben but Leo tells him not to worry about him.

Back at school, the counselor whose name I can’t remember asks Amy to mentor a freshman girl who is…you guessed it, pregnant! Kathy tells Amy that she was a victim because her boyfriend persuaded her to have unprotected sex. Honey, ignorance does not a victim make. It’s a woman’s responsibility as much as it is a man’s to educate themselves about safe sex. Kathy also tells Amy that she’s giving her baby up for adoption because she doesn’t want to ruin her life, making Amy feel awful about Ricky and John.

At Ricky’s childhood home, Margaret reveals that Ethan actually has a nice streak, and was the one who planned the flash mob. She then gives Ricky her parents’ wedding bands and tells him he is “more precious to her than gold.” In terms of tear-jerking, this speech was a close second to George’s speech last week.

Later, Ben runs into Omar in the hallway, who announces that he’ll be teaching at Grant. In a fit of anxiety, Ben accuses him of preying on underage girls because he dated Adrian, who was actually of age during their entire relationship. Shortly thereafter, Ben has a similar conversation with Amy in which he confesses that he still loves her. Wendy, one of Dylan’s friends, overhears the entire thing and tells Dylan and her uniformed entourage, who tell her to dump Ben because he’s “cracking up.” The blonde friend doesn’t seem to know anything about the fire, and Wendy and Raven seem to have been more involved than just being in the loop.

At the local college, the head football coach spots Jack “Tebowing” on the field. He tells the assistant coach, who was Jack’s high school coach(I can’t remember his name either, it’s becoming a problem), that he wants Jack to go back to church because he thinks it’ll make him a better leader. At the college library, Ricky walks in on Adrian talking to a new guy who resembles Robin Thicke with long hair. Ricky tells her that he wants to move through the ranks of Boykewich International, but Adrian tells him that Ben will never let him, not because he wants to be part of the company but because he’s angry over Ricky and Amy’s relationship.

I honestly don’t see why Ricky would be threatened by Ben in the least. Ben lost Amy because he cheated on her with Adrian, who he impregnated, married, and divorced, and now he could be going to jail for starting the prep school fire. If Leo actually wants Ben to run the company, then he deserves the inevitable failure that would result from putting him in charge.

At dinner time, George sits down for dinner with Kathleen, Grace, and Tom, where Grace offers to bless the food. Yes, the crazy Christian is back, despite her brother’s claim that she’s only half-Christian and the fact that she said her prayer with her eyes closed. Kathleen interrupts when the blessing turns into a sermon, and Grace gets a call from Jack’s football coach, probably for the sake of Jack’s salvation.

At the Juergen’s house, Nora, Ashley and Toby eat Beanies and Wienies, though for copyright issues, I don’t think they’re allowed to call it that. Ashley announces that she’s leaving for cooking school in Italy that weekend, and expects Toby to go with her. My favorite line of the hour then comes from Toby: “I can’t go to Italy on Sunday. I have to mow the lawn.”

The episode ends at Ricky and Amy’s, where it seems as though they’re eating cake for dinner. They discuss the events of the day and put on the wedding bands from Margaret. Amy announces that the women at the church nursery threw her a shower and she feels guilty. She and Ricky also question whether they made the right choice. At first, I wonder whether they’re talking about marriage or just their decision to elope, until the show flashes back to their comedic wedding, which they end up running away from. Yep, they’re not actually married! Between this and the fire, I think the show has just what it needs to sustain itself for another season.