Hey True Blood lovers! I’m not sure about you, but I’ve been waiting for season 5 for months. I think a ten month hiatus is way too long, but I’m excited it’s finally here and that I get to recap it for you this season!

Let’s begin, shall we?

The episode begins with Bill and Eric cleaning Nan’s guts up. Well, Bill was actually on the phone while Eric super-sped cleaned. “F*ck Sookie!” Eric says to Bill when the “super snatch” faerie is brought up. Is Eric over Sookie? Maybe our Swedish Viking King is moving on. I highly doubt it, but we shall see. Bill’s house was then bombarded by The Authority and Eric and Bill were taken away in chains. Later on, Bill and Eric were rescued by mysterious vampire Authority member, Nora. She turns out to be Eric’s sister — Sister with benefits sounds more like it. Their greeting was less than normal, I don’t know about y’all but I don’t greet my brother with a make-out session. Their activities are even weirder. “We fight like siblings, but we f*ck like champions,” says Eric about Nora. I laughed out loud when he said that, but still found it a tad bit gross. (At least they aren’t blood siblings. But STILL.)

Last season in Bon Temps we were left with the horrifying image of Sookie holding Tara’s head together. This season opened with Sookie and Lafayette holding Tara in what looks like a war zone. Pam arrives at Sookie’s to search for Eric, only to find Lafayette, Sookie, and half-head Tara. Sookie and Lafayette convince Pam to try and change Tara and she eventually agrees. Not without putting up a fight though.   “If you can use your magic hands or your super snatch or whatever power it is you have,” Pam says about how Sookie can repay her. I literally laughed out loud. Got to love Pam.

Meanwhile, Sam is being hunted by the werewolves seeking to avenge Marcus’ death. Of course, Sam being the noble guy he is, takes credit for killing Marcus in order to protect Alcide. After being tortured, Sam tells the pack where Marcus is buried and Alcide shows up to confess to the crime. I have a feeling that Alcide is going to be the big, bad, wolf this season. I wouldn’t mind seeing him go (a little) bad, but I also love gentle giant Alcide. What are your thoughts?

Oh, and I can’t forget to mention that Reverend Steve Newlin is a vampire. Not just any ole vampire though. He tells Jason, “I’m a gay vampire American!” Didn’t see that coming. Who am I kidding? I always had a feeling he had the hots for Jason. All jokes aside though, what is the point of making Steve Newlin a vampire? I forgot he was even gone, and sure did not miss him. Am I alone on this? I find the storyline somewhat unnecessary and useless. There might be a point to it later on, but I highly doubt anything major will come of it.

Less importantly, Jessica has a party at Bill’s. Was I the only one thinking, “When the hell did Jessica make friends?” Hoyt is pissed about Jason hooking up with Jessica. Andy hooks up with Holly, AND her kids walk in on them (ew). Terry and his fellow Iraqi argue about the origin of the mysterious house fires.

To end the episode, Bill, Eric, and Nora are caught by the Authority as they were about to make their escape and Sookie and Lafayette wait for Pam and Tara to rise from the ground. Pam eventually rises, leaving Sookie and Lafayette heartbroken. When, suddenly, vampire Tara lunges at Sookie. The End. (Of episode 1, that is.)

I’m excited about this season of True Blood. Not as excited as I was for season 4, because I knew a Sookie/Eric hookup was coming, but I hope it will be an interesting season. I could see The Authority storyline getting on my nerves a little bit, but Christopher Meloni should make up for that.

Favorite quote:“I am wearing a Walmart sweatshirt for y’all. If that’s not a demonstration of team spirit, I don’t know what is.” –Pam

That’s it, folks! Bear with me, as I’m still fairly new at writing for NWN and have yet to find my exact style. I will be reviewing True Blood with y’all this summer and I’m super excited!

What were your thoughts on the episode? Favorite scene you want to share? Favorite quotes? Predictions for the season? Put them all in the comment box below!