Showtime released the premiere a bit early. You can view it too, by clicking here. This recap includes spoilers.

May we not kill each other?

Everyone’s favorite pot dealing mommy Nancy Botwin (Mary Louise Parker) is back, and she still is a total MILF, even with a bullet lodged in her skull. The Botwins are back in the suburbs, and the truly magnificent credit sequence alone lets you know immediately that Weeds is going back to its roots.

The episode, appropriately titled “Messy,” opens with a familiar tune—“Little Boxes,” accompanying the magnificent credit sequence I was telling you all about, which involves a sharpie drawing all of the Botwin family adventures. It starts with the fleeing from the Agrestic house, followed by the move to the beach in Ren Mar, the tunnel to Mexico, Pilar’s murder with the mallet, the “God is Awesome” motor home, the mermaid mailbox in Dearborn, Nancy’s stint in prison, New York City, and finally the Botwin-Price-Gray family compound in Old Sandwich, Connecticut where they currently reside. Jenji Kohan and the producers clearly want to you to know they are going all out for the final season—it’s very creative and is sure to make any longtime Weeds fan smile.

End Credit Sequence…

Nancy was shot! In the head. Of course she still finds a way to be witty while she’s lying on the ground clinging to life, and begins talking about the sandals she is wearing from Zappos, and later asking the EMS if he has a very happy girlfriend because of his long fingers. She has no idea what’s going on, and it’s bloody and unpleasant to watch. Love her, love to hate her, you still have to agree Nancy Botwin must never die. If it’s one thing Jenji Kohan wants you to know about Nancy Botwin, it’s that she is invincible.

And now it’s just official. She’s survived everything you could possibly survive in a lifetime—including the death of her husband, fire, being held at gunpoint too many times to count, gangsters, mobsters, psycho husbands and one lesbian lover, prison. She’s escaped harsh consequences and always manages to find a way to come out on top—and might I add she still looks like to be ten years younger than she actually is, has remained in great shape, and has a beautiful complexion? But will she escape death? You’ll have to wait until the next episode to find out. She’s in a coma induced by the hospital to help stabilize her, and may have brain damage. It also doesn’t help, that thanks to the various shenanigans from Silas (Hunter Parrish), Shane (Alexander Gould), Andy (Justin Kirk), Jill (Jennifer Jason Leigh), and Doug (Kevin Nealon), the wife or daughter or sister (it remains unclear) of the patient in the same room as Nancy, decides to call it “karma” and ignore Nancy’s rapid increase in heart rate. It looks like she is about to flat-line.

Everyone has their own exceedingly eccentric way of dealing with the tragedy. Silas and Shane steal goodies from the gift baskets of Nancy’s roommate, Andy and Jill decide to bone behind the curtain after Jill mentions her kegel device (vagina weight), one of Jill’s twin daughters (the creepy one) posts a photo to Twitter of Nancy’s bloody face (with the caption: “Holy Balls! Someone shot my aunt! Like seriously!”) and Doug feels up Nancy while she lies unconscious. That silly Doug!

In other news Shane joined the police academy. No doubt an attempt to keep the po-po off Mommy’s trail.

Okay, okay, I’ll stop stalling. The question of who shot Nancy? Well it is answered…by the end of the episode.

The suspects include:

a) Guillermo
b) Cesar
c) Any other Mexican gangster [insert name here].
d) Zoya
e) Emma
f) The wife of the guy Nancy banged in the trailer park during their brief stint in the Jesus mobile.
g) Heylia (if she grew some balls)

They are pretty much able to rule out Zoya, unless she changed her MO from kerosene and a lighter to a less messy approach like a sniper rifle.

Answer: None of the above.

The shooter was actually Tim Scottson (guest star Daryl Sabara). You remember? The dick-head son of Nancy’s second husband Peter—the DEA agent she met at karate? Shane bit Tim in season 1 and that’s really when Nancy’s life started to spiral out of control. So it was actually sort of poetic, when you think about it.

Weeds season 8 is already promising to be another year of non-stop laughs. And it’s really just awesome the way they have basically turned Jill into the new Celia. It looks like she is going to be sticking around, which is awesome, because she’s just as hilarious as ever. Personally, I’m still pulling for Nancy and Andy, although maybe this Andy/Jill thing will be the catalyst for Nancy to realize what (or rather, whom) has been right in front of her for the past eight seasons? The episode was a bit short, but still leaves you excited to see what’s next. And I forgot how much I missed pervy Doug. Romany Malco (Conrad) may be returning, and Kohan wants to get Allie Grant (Isabelle) back as well. No word on Elizabeth Perkins (Celia).

You can catch the season premiere of Weeds, on Sunday July 1, at 10 p.m. on Showtime. Cant wait? Like Showtime on Facebook via this link for a sneak preview.

Cory

My name is Cory Allen. I am a hopeless romantic, media junkie, and animal rights activist. I also watch way to much TV. My current favorites include “True Blood,” “Weeds,” and Food Network shows- “Cupcake Wars,” “Chopped,” and “Food Network Star” are my favorites.