Dear Showrunners: It may be time to retire the love triangle

Will-they-won’t-they, team this or team that, dual names plastered together to create ships: television in 2012 is spiraling down in a love geometrical shape wasteland. I say geometrical shape because, given the amount of insane love interests on some shows, triangles are almost passé. Don’t be surprised if by this time next year we’re using “love trapezoid” or “pentagon.” That’s not to say love triangles are all bad; they definitely have their place on television — and they’ve been the foundation for some of the most iconic storylines, whether for better or worse. They can be salaciously campy and addicting in a way that drives some entertainment to ridiculous levels of fun. Other times, they can greatly further fuel other plot points. Somehow, audiences reap fun out of watching people impossibly better looking than us wallow around between two impeccable love interest choices in a way that would never happen in the real world. (Or at least it’s never happened to me. Perhaps I need to take a look at myself and reevaluate how I go about this love interests thing.)

But most of the time they’re just a real drag, especially when a series that began as otherwise entertaining morphs into The Love Triangle Show. Because of that, I think it may be time to retire the good ol’ love triangle trope for television.

There’s probably an infinite amount of reasons why the love triangle should cash out on its 401K and find a nice, quiet home in Florida…but here are just a few:

…Because they ruin fan bases

Showrunners, have you been on any social media sites as of late? (Actually, this is an entire argument in of itself where showrunners should probably logoff websites for the most part.) What you’ll find is that your series, depending on how much emphasis you’ve put on your love triangle, is basically separated in two: team this guy or team that guy.

Now, I understand that that doesn’t necessarily conflict with the show’s storytelling, but inherently the selling point of having and creating a television show — apart from delving into characters and having a multitude of directions to take them — is being inside someone’s home for one hour each week. It’s the connection with audiences that make television shows live on and on, past their point of original air. That intimacy creates a bond between audiences and the people who make television series in a way no other art form can.

Thanks to the love triangle, audiences are running amuck.

No longer can people gather onto message boards and blogs to discuss their favorite television series (you know, yours) without being berated about which suitor they prefer. Ultimately, fans judge other fans’ opinions based on which side of the triangle they like as if that’s a basis for an entire argument about a series’ plot. If you like triangle side A, that must mean that you are a complete idiot; therefore, anything you say is idiotic.

You may think that’s crazy, showrunners, but that’s, like, an actual thing. And it’s, like, widely accepted in fandom now.

Or, even worse: fans take analyses and try to decipher who this person “ships” so that they may pigeonholed him or her as either awesome…or an idiot. Oh, you thought that’s what that meant? That must mean you like Ship B — and you are a dumbass, obviously.

There’s really no problem with conflicting arguments. It’s what creates actual, interesting, meaningful debate. Hell, it’s what creates the desire to return to talk about anything. But this is more about sticking people into distinct boxes with straining labels in order to avoid that person entirely.

And that’s no fun.

…Because audiences stop caring about plot

This is more about sticking people into distinct boxes with straining labels in order to avoid that person entirely

Remember how you paralleled that plot to create an impeccable metaphor for the nuance of the human condition? Remember how awesome it was to come up with that, elaborate it, and execute it?

Yeah, no one else does. That’s because no one actually cared. Okay, not “no one,” but still, the point I’m trying to make is that people are too deeply invested in which romantic interest wins out rather than what’s actually happening to the character in terms of development.

Any good series utilizes its many seasons to tell a story arc about the characters we love the most — growing them, in either direction(s), rather than keeping them stagnant. In fact, that’s (as we recall) the selling point of doing television rather than doing film: characters grow, ambitions change, circumstances differ, and eventually by series’ end we’ve come to see a completely third dimensional person form before our eyes.

Instead, the television audience has seen way too many characters they once loved stay stuck in immobile storylines pertaining to the fruit of their loins.

Does your character have no other ambitions? Are they only interested in whom they’ll be lying next to at night?

There’s the rub: it’s not even that audience begins to forget about actual, you know, stories but soon thereafter so do you, showrunners.

…Because people will be upset either way

Why do you stop caring? Because after all that time pandering to the audience, you’ve given up on actually doing anything plot-wise. Pretty soon, we’re watching The Love Connection. And if you spend so much time making your sole story a triangle, by series’ end, fifty percent of your audience will most likely be downright livid.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s never been my thought that series should cater to everyone or try to make everyone happy. That’s absolutely just not true. A show’s ability to make its audience, well, even angry is an amazing feat. Don’t take that lightly, showrunners. That’s great power.

But similarly, don’t abuse it.

When a show revolves around a love triangle, it’s guaranteed to make half of its audience either apathetic or annoyed. And not for the right reasons.

Oftentimes, television can make us upset but ultimately we know what’s at stake for a character and our emotion is a projection for wanting what’s best for them (or otherwise). Being upset about love interest choices is more about the audience member’s own need to see what they want to happen because gosh darnit they’re just so cute together! (Unless they’re one of those “I Ship So-And-So and Happiness” people.) That’s just not at all analogous to plot.

…Because they go past the point of believability

No one says we watch television for it to bear a striking resemblance to reality. But any show needs to hold some sort of sense of its own reality, regardless of how over the top it may be.

Some love triangles last years. How can you expect us to feasibly believe that anyone would just waddle back and forth between two people for this long? We don’t. Look around, people are calling it ridiculous and we hate it. So please stop this immediately. Please, I beg of you.

Showrunners, if you’ve decided you want to have a love triangle: just end it. Please. Set an end date and get there. Otherwise, you know what we get? Pissed off fans doing everything but calling your female characters whores.

Oh, no wait, we actually get that — like all the time. (Plus we also get a lot of, “she owes him her love” which is just…gag inducing, really.) The fact that love triangles make us basically hate women is a letter/article in its own right, so I won’t delve into it much in this one. But you should know that, in a world where female characters are written so awfully, having yours stick to only caring about which male she’s more deserving of is, in a word, rather sickening. So please stop that.

When a show revolves around a love triangle, it’s guaranteed to make half of its audience either apathetic or annoyed. And not for the right reasons.

When you’re trying to show us a budding romance between two people parts of the audience thinks feels like kissing cousins, it just doesn’t work. And we get impatient. And it’s hard to believe in that part of the story. This is an issue, showrunners.

But Michael, I need a love triangle!

So you’ve made it all the way through this letter and you’re telling me, “No, I’m still doing a love triangle and shut up and you’re the worst you dumbass blogger!” No problem. No offense taken. I get it.

The truth is that I don’t really have any problem with love triangles. Plenty of shows have done it well. I love me some Awkward. (the show of love triangle shows, but it does it well) and similarly-named web series Awkward Black Girl and Homeland and Revenge and How I Met Your Mother and…you get it. But here are my tips to you on how to make your love triangle shine its brightest.

Tip 1: Make it a backdrop. Love triangles are not storylines, they are only elements of storylines (unless you can execute it well). Having your love triangle as mostly just a backdrop of the series (unless, again, you can execute it well) and not Storyline A will ensure that the audience will pay more attention to actual plotlines. This way, when you eventually have to end the story, you’re not met with rabid crazies. Which brings us to…

Tip 2: Set an end date. I’ve already said this, but it needs to be repeated. If you find that you’re spiraling down into love triangle territory, make sure you set when that storyline will come to an end — and pronto! Doing this will allow you to make sure your character doesn’t wallow between two potential suitors and therefore allow you to avoid ruining an awesome character. Don’t ruin awesome characters please.

Tip 3: The Jacob Black Effect. Poor Jacob of Twilight never stood a chance. That’s why no one is going to be upset when he’s not chosen and imprints himself onto an infant come the final film. (Once again, unless your actors have awesome chemistry, follow this tip!)

Tip 4: Give it meaning. Nothing’s worse than having a love triangle on a show just for love triangle’s sake. If you’re going to have a love triangle, make sure you flesh out both relationships so that it doesn’t feel like these other partners are just there to create DRAMAAAA! That’s lame and we see through that and we hate that.

And there you go!

I must reiterate this: love triangles are not all that bad. Some series do it well. Some series don’t. But all should know that entering into love triangle wasteland is just not the direction you want to take your story. It creates a nasty atmosphere in some fandoms (especially if your show is catered to 12 year old girls, in which case why am I even watching your show!?); it becomes draining; and it eventually makes people care less about the actual progression of the series’ arcs.

We love your show. We love your characters. That’s why we’re watching. The last thing we want to do is see them stuck in storylines they can’t get out of and in which we begin to love them a bit less. Don’t do this to us, showrunners. Consider retiring the love triangle once and for all!

(As if.)