Time for us to discuss the final episode of Gossip Girl ever. What happened in this episode? Chuck and Blair get married; Serena and Dan get married; Kristen Bell is there; Nate kind of had a storyline — not really; Dan says he’s gossip girl and no one cares; hundreds find solace in the hilarity of Dan being GG on Tumblr.

It was magical.

1. Do you think it was a satisfying ending?

Samantha | It was good. I liked that they brought so many people back. I thought the redemption of Dan was super rushed and a little unsatisfying. You can’t make him SO evil then expect him to be happy with no repercussions for his actions.

Michael | Yes and no. Stephanie Savage said in an interview that not everything is tied up in a nice, little bow. I automatically hate when showrunners say that because is that not the point of a series finale — to answer all the questions? This at one time was the lowest rated show on all of television, there are about zero chances this will be resurrected in any form: answer the questions, showrunners. In short, plot-wise, I don’t think this was a satisfying finale. But at this point the series promised few things: the identity of Gossip Girl and Chair and Derena; in those respects, it was satisfying — though I think the way they revealed GG’s identity was a little boring.

Monika | I mean, what is “satisfying” given what this show became near the end? There was no way the writers could have come up with anything that would have made this whole mess alright. I guess, if I had to pick satisfying aspects, I kind of like how they tried to really tie the episode back to the major theme of the show of an outsider trying to fit in. I also really liked seeing the “flashback” since we had never actually seen the party before and only heard about it. It made me kind of nostalgic. What I really hated though was the flash forward five years later. I don’t like when shows do that kind of thing because it always ends up being cheesy.

Michael | Yeah, I guess if I think about it more, the things that happened were satisfying. But it felt anticlimactic. That’s probably because everything about it was leaked. Whoops.

2. The secret’s out! Dan’s Gossip Girl. Satisfied? Not satisfied?

Samantha | MAKES NO SENSE! As I’ve been proclaiming on facebook, tumblr, and my other recap, I’m rewatching the early seasons and pointing out why this makes no sense.  Because it doesn’t. dumb dumb dumb.

Siao | I can’t respond to the other questions, as I’m a bit behind on the last few episodes. But can I say to the thought of Dan being Gossip Girl – UGHH. I can’t comment on the nature of the reveal, but from what I’ve seen, I agree it just makes. No. Sense. Sure, Dan’s always been intrigued in the UES world. And he has his character flaws (most of them are hilarious) – his intense judginess, pretentious nature and that ability he has to believe he is always right. But it’s these flaws that make it impossible for him to be Gossip Girl. You know with him writing, Gossip Girl would be called ‘Confabulation Girl’ and be filled with angry rants about consumerism. And with his insistence that he’s above everyone else, I can’t see him selling out his friends (Nate, Vanessa) or especially his little sister in the way Gossip Girl has. He’s always been there for his family, more than anyone else (except possibly Rufus when it comes to breakfast foods). I’m just hoping when I watch the last few episodes I can comprehend it a little more.

Michael | Siao, you have it all wrong. Little J knew about it all along. Otherwise, worst kept secret ever! And the foreshadowing this season was insane. But whatever, I don’t know what else to say. This obviously makes no sense unless Dan is (A) a sociopath who reads his own blog and reacts to news when he’s alone in a room, who also emails himself and (B) has clones of himself to post things for him. I would have accepted a Jenny/Dan duo more. But in the end, I think it’s also hilarious and why not? “I’ve written awful stuff about all of us over the years, ain’t that a hoot!?” My new favorite Internet thing is reading instances of when Dan obviously couldn’t be GG.

Monika | LOL what? I think we could do another entire roundtable just covering how this isn’t possible?? But seriously, I do like the idea of Dan being GG. It makes sense in theory. However, obviously given things we’ve actually seen on the show (such as Dan reacting to posts when he’s alone lol) it just doesn’t make sense. I got the sense that the writers hadn’t chosen the identity of GG until last season or so. If they had known from the beginning that Dan was GG and actually written the entire show with that in mind, it would have been a lot more awesome at the end. Instead, we’re all left scratching our heads like “Uh, so Dan is basically kind of a sociopath?”

3. What did you think of all the ending couples?

Samantha | CARTERENA FOREVER!! No but really, why didn’t Carter show up? Also, LOVED Rufus with Lisa Loeb and Lily with William.  Every husband deserves a second try.

Michael | To be honest, I’m confused about Rufly. What happened to Rufus and Lily? So confused.

Monika | Eh, they ended as I expected. Once Dair didn’t happen, I knew Derena/Chair would be endgame so I wasn’t surprised. I am surprised that Lily ended up with the Dr. though. That is so weird and creepy. I’m pissed about how Ivy ended up, too! I feel like if anyone deserved a happy ending, it was her.

4. Did I forget anything?

Samantha | Jack Bass is a true gem and even with his meth face I wish he had been around more often.

Michael | YES. The absurd amount of amazing cameos! Kristen Bell was just the most amazing thing that happened to this show. Thank you. Also that flashback was crazily on point. And also, Nate might be a mayor? Please stop me from laughing this hard.

Monika | I feel like the more I think about Dan being GG, the more creeped out I am that Serena actually ended up marrying him. Seriously, Dan wrote terrible things about everybody he loved and cared about, including his own family, and Serena called it a “love letter”! WHAT? I also felt like this episode was very weak compared to the last few because the aftermath of the Bart storyline ended up taking a backseat to the Dan-is-GG storyline and the Chair wedding. Chuck really didn’t feel bad about letting his own father die right in front of him? And we didn’t even see a single interrogation scene with the police and Chuck? LAME.

5. What grade would you give this episode?

Samantha | A++ I am so happy with this. I haven’t had this many feels since the season 2 finale. I don’t know what I’ll do with my life now.

Michael | A? B? C? $?! I thought the previous couple of episodes were more entertaining. One-third of this was seriously Dan and Serena talking in the same room. What? The one thing that truly annoys me about this season is that no one learned anything. These people are the worst and they go on with life, living close to each other. “I’m Gossip Girl!” “I love you!” “Scheming is immature and beneath you.” “Ef it, I’m just going to scheme forever!” “I define myself by my relationships with men. Ah, whatever, just gonna continue doing that” “I ruined your life so that you’ll take me back as a husband!” “Awesome, I love you so much.” But on the other hand, I think by now the writers knew this and were just like: “Whatever. Let’s build up an entire season of them knowing this and deciding to do nothing about it. Also, let’s have Kristen Bell wink at them.” These people live in a vacuum, where they can’t face any real consequences or they will shut down. They’re in an asylum and pretending this is real. Gossip Girl is actually an orderly commanding them around. Rufus is the warden. Kristen Bell is the voice in everyone’s heads. The writers don’t care; they wink at you! Congratulations on making us feel so many things, regardless of what those feels are.

Monika | B-