Source: Vagina Con

Well, it’s finally happened. Lana is free. I guess my theory that they were going to milk that storyline until the season finale was off. I mean, when she put a bullet through Dr. Thredson’s head? That’s the sort of thing you just don’t bounce back from, not even in a wildly unpredictable/nonsensical Ryan Murphy kind of way. Then again, I still have two episodes to be proven wrong on that one. Still, in all of American Horror Story: Asylum’s short history, last night was the episode so many of us were hoping for: Lana is out, Thredson is dead, and it looks like things might work out. I guess I had more riding on this storyline than I thought, but now that the show has given me everything I wanted, in one episode no less, it’s hard to imagine where the show will go from here. In a weird way, I’m not sure I’ve ever been so disappointed as to get everything I hoped for. I mean, just from a storytelling standpoint, that all seems too simple, right? Maybe I’m just fickle. Regardless, I’m cautiously optimistic for Lana for the rest of this season. Although, it looks like, in true Ryan Murphy fashion, I’ll be hating her and wantingher dead by the end of the next episode… unless that preview was grossly out of context. Drastic and unbelievable character changes are kind of Ryan Murphy’s “thing” so I wouldn’t be surprised.

Source: Spoiler TV

Unfortunately, “Spilt Milk” is pretty evenly split between Lana’s debacle, one of my favorite storylines, and alien baby mama drama, unquestionably my least favorite addition to American Horror Story: Asylum. I mean, I know the show is weird, but seriously? This isn’t just a bizarre plot, it’s borderline soap-opera caliber stuff. Evan Peters, an incredibly talented actor, tries to sell it, but “Spilt Milk” sabotages him at every turn. I think my favorite moment was when he brings Grace back to his home with Alma, only to find his abducted… or murdered… or, I don’t know, something wife breast-feeding what appears to be his child. All that was missing was one of those Maury paternity test celebration dances when he finds out he is not the father. Who are we kidding? Of course he’s the father. Ryan Murphy could never let that opportunity slip past him. Still, the most laughable moment of “Spilt Milk” (actually, I haven’t even touched the Dylan McDermott stuff, so let’s just say one of the most laughable moments) is Kit’s demands to the Monsignor. Ignoring the fact that Grace herself has acknowledged he’s still in love with, or at least getting over, Alma, Kit insists on doing everything in his power to release Grace. Here’s the thing, though… Grace is being tortured like the rest of the folks at Briarcliff, sure, but she- well, she did something wrong. Lana was wrongfully imprisoned there. Kit was framed. In fact, Grace is the only one who comes to mind who actually belongs in an institution. The whole Kit and Grace thing feels like a clumsily-written piece of shipping fan fic, but evidently, we’re going to have to suffer through that and whatever other alien stuff American Horror Story: Asylum throws our way. I’m slightly intrigued to see if they answer all the questions that have been posed with the alien sub-plot, but I’m not holding my breath.

In other news, Sister Jude is still locked up with the crazies. Like, I’ve enjoyed seeing the tables turned on her, but once it was done, it felt like American Horror Story: Asylum didn’t have much more use for her. They just kept her around because she’s Jessica Lange and she was in the first season. Same with Dylan McDermott, to be honest. Don’t get me wrong, watching Adam Levine act was more painful than watching him get murdered, so I’m glad he’s no longer in the picture, but this whole “Johnny” bit? It just doesn’t do anything for me, except remind me why I hate pop psychology. I mean, seriously, did the writers just take a Psych 101 class and think they knew all it takes to make a man a murderer? It’s lazy, at best. Still, although I’m pretty sure it isn’t supposed to be, that whole framing device is at least worth a cheap laugh. Hiring a prostitute so he can drink breast milk is more hilariously disturbed than it is creepy or frightening.

It’s a shame when a 13-episode series has to resort to filler episodes, but so much of “Spilt Milk” felt inconsequential. Lana finally making it out of Briarcliff was a really big thing, sure, but what else? Okay, maybe it isn’t that nothing happened, because a lot did. None of it seemed to have any effect though. Most of the episode felt like set-up for the finale. Doesn’t Ryan Murphy know he has to keep things at least mildly interesting to get viewers to stay tuned til the finale?

WTFs of the Week

I’m not letting this Grace thing go… are we seriously going to pretend she didn’t murder her family?

Was it “Bring Your Drunk Kid to Work Day” on the set of American Horror Story: Asylum? It’s not just me, the camera work (split screen, food POV cam) was crazy this week, right?

Where do you think this whole Lana thing is going? I mean, what else does she have to do now that she’s out?

What are your thoughts on this week’s episode?

Calhoun

Calhoun Kersten is unofficially over-educated and unemployable. he is currently finishing up his Masters thesis on horror films from DePaul University, but now resides in Hell on earth aka Los Angeles. When he’s not writing, he enjoys being a grown man who still watches Arthur on PBS, singing along loudly to Three 6 Mafia, and spending time with his dog, Karl Marx.