Glee ‘Shooting Star’ recap: Jump the gun

Until a couple of months ago, we had a dedicated Glee recapper… whose feelings for the series were, understandably, at a low. She had to move on from the weekly commitment for personal reasons (good ones, congratulations Rae!) and I figured that I could step in and begin recapping Glee just out of nowhere for the lulz, as it were. The problem is that I haven’t really watched Glee. I quit the first couple of episodes during season three; it wasn’t good, point blank. Then I checked in for the premiere, and a couple of episodes sprinkled around thereafter. The general gist I have of Glee now is that I’d rather spend all the time in New York, who are these new people?, and why is there a Catfish story line? Oh, and also, apparently Finn kissed Emma and Rachel is dating a prostitute? After Rae finished her recaps, I never begun watching the show on a weekly basis, because there’s just too much good TV out there. But once everyone on my Twitter timeline was talking about how contrived this episode was, I knew I had to step in and watch.

Honestly, if there’s any backlash about this episode, it shouldn’t have anything to do with its subject matter… which was handled as almost a mere suggestion of what tackling the subject should be. In fact, it’s like a nonissue. There wasn’t a school shooting. There was a shot at a school, which was a misfire. People cried and then sung songs in a circle… still crying. I don’t know.

Anyway, we start out with Mr. Schue telling everyone about Regionals.

AKA How Every Single Episode Of Glee Starts Out.

Then, Brittany interrupts and says there’s an asteroid coming for the town and people actually believe her because I don’t know this is a thing on the show now I’m guessing?

Okay.

Mr. Schue, meanwhile, wasn’t having it.

It amazes me that still four seasons in, Will can make absolutely anything about regionals. Like ANYTHING anything.

Meanwhile, the guy with longer hair who isn’t Sam has been texting/Facebooking with some random girl, and he swears that he just saw her in the hallway.

His whole life is about this girl. But his short-haired friend advises him that the only way to win her heart is to do something Huge and Romantic and Special. It’s gotta be special.

So he sings to her.

You know, on Glee.

Because no on ever sings.

It’s special.

So whatever, that happens. And she’s like, “Holy crap how could YOU like ME!?” even though she’s really hot. “How dare a person with your symmetrical face like me in all my perfect, flawless beauty!?” And then he’s like, “I been messaging you gurl.” And she’s like, “Nu-uh, you’ve been CATFISH’D!” And the audience is like, “How many episodes did this take?” Also, that’s my question, because it seems like it’s been a long arc, but knowing Glee, “long arc” is like two acts during the same episode.

Oh, also, during this: Brittany and Sam (who are dating now?) were at her house and apparently her cat dislikes him.

Okay, back to Long-Haired Boy (who I will shorten to LHB from now on). LHB finds out he’s been Catfished, so he goes to SHB (Short-Haired Boy) and yells at him and his girlfriend because he presumes they did it.

Then the cast serenades a cat.

Then Coach Beiste invites Will on a date.

They decide to stay just friends, but not before Will kind of completely disregards what she told him and basically says “Let’s just eat food now okay?” and then makes a profile for her on a dating website without her knowledge. YAY FRIENDSHIP!

Meanwhile, Becky is scared of graduation and Brittany tells her, “Too bad, time to move on.” LHB, by the way, has been told by his Catfisher that she will meet him outside the choir room the next day.

Will decides to talk to Coach.

Ugh.

Anyway, this is when the shooting stuff happens. I don’t want to downplay this because the acting was pretty decent. So instead, here’s everyone’s Cry Face:

LHB decided to call his Catfisher, and he heard a cellphone go off FROM INSIDE THE CHOIR ROOM! Then someone, who they assumed was the police, randomly yelled that everything was clear. So they all hugged.

Anyway, the next day, the school has upped the security. And then Sue is like, “‘Twas me.” Basically, she had a gun in the school and it accidentally fired off twice. I think it really speaks to the show that (A) This is actually believable and (B) It’s weird that this is something that is shocking to the other teachers because this is a woman who once shot Brittany through a canon so why are you so surprised?

She goes to tell the principal.

And then she is fired BECAUSE DUH. Long time coming, am I right? How has this person been allowed to stay at any school for this long? I can’t even.

Tina and Blaine meet up to cry some more.

LHB confronts Quinn Lite about possibly being his Catfisher, and she’s like “Erm. No.” Sam gives Brittany another cat. Everyone’s kind of over it (except Tina and Blaine, obviously).

Meanwhile, Schue isn’t having it with Sue. So Schue and Sue have a converschuetion.

DUN DUN DUN! It turns out that Sue is actually covering up for Becky, who brought a gun to school because…she didn’t want to graduate? I don’t know. It’s kind of weak, which is inherently the problem with this episode. Already, I think it’s thin (and somewhat a copout) to have this episode be based off a fluke, although it does illuminate the ambiance of public schools nowadays. Then again, this is so in the news that it probably doesn’t warrant fictional awareness. On the other hand, Glee somewhat makes a statement about how guns are readily available and may be taking a stance on gun control. But on a mutated third hand, WHAT? Why did Becky bring a gun to school again? What was the point? And will this have any effect on anything from here on out? Basically, I don’t know what to think of this. The acting was really good and it was directed well, so there’s that.

But still, Sue deserves to be fired.

LHB waits for his Catfish, but it never came. So sad. All these good-looking people have such difficulties with dating! HOW WILL THEY SURVIVE? (Too soon?)

We end when everyone meets up in the auditorium to sing about how they cried and are closer for it.

And that was that episode. They’re basically over it now, I assume. I mean, I can’t expect Glee to tackle this head on for weeks to come, like it should be. But I’m glad they’ve all come to terms with almost-not-really-dying-because-it-wasn’t-much-of-a-threat, you know? Good for them!