The Following ‘Havenport’ recap: Free like liberty

This episode of The Following begins with someone from the FBI actually doing something competent — making out Roderick as one of The Bad Guys. Then, it’s just mistake after mistake after mistake. Seriously, this is inherently the number one problem with this show. If the series didn’t make them out to be as awful at their jobs as they seem to be, we’d be totally fine. A group of police officers tackle an FBI agent, allowing Roderick to flee, and somehow no one understands what’s happening long enough for him to leave and go back to the mansion.

At the mansion, Roderick is very hurt that Joe “used” him because it breaks their very great relationship between serial murderers. So he takes that angst and uses it to kidnap Joey (ugh) as an insurance policy to not be killed… by anyone. He meets a maybe-girlfriend, a guest star who weirdly does not die, so that she can drive him? It was very confusing what he was going to do with this person. He could have just as easily taken her car and left her where she was. Literally, he did not need this person for his plans. Also, the sheriff of this town thinks that police officers aren’t going to recognize him. I don’t even understand the logic of this in any direction.

So, yeah, he gets caught. At the police station, he wants to barter his freedom for Joey. Like that’s ever going to happen, right? “Would you rather the kid die!!?!!?!?!??!” Kevin Bacon screams! Uhm, no, everyone explains. We’d just rather not send off a serial killer to go serially kill other people, so. But Kevin Bacon is not having it! He stages a rouse to get Roderick out of custody. “You idiot, Kevin Bacon! Stop doing this, Kevin Bacon!” I yell at the television. Thankfully, it’s revealed that everyone is in on the plan. They go to the house where Joey is supposedly located; FBI agents tale them to the location.

When inside, shots are fired and kill Roderick on scene, just as he’s about to kill Kevin Bacon. At this point, the FBI should already have swarmed this place… but nothing. Jacob and Random Cult Member Who Will Die This Episode are the ones who killed Roderick, by the way, NOT the FBI.. Random Cult Member Who Will Die This Episode continues to shoot, but Jacob tells him he’d kill Joey if he continues, so stop. They’re going to re-kidnap this kid. Like, seriously. This kid has been originally kidnapped. Then he was kidnapped to a mansion. Then he was kidnapped from the mansion. Now he’s going to be kidnapped from his third kidnapping. The poor kid can’t catch a break. Kevin Bacon tells Mike to take Joey as he stays there to shoot at the cult members.

Mike takes Joey and places him in a room. Joey sees a dead person so he screams bloody murder and runs out of it, because Joey is just DYING to get kidnapped again. Ugh, Joey. You disappoint me. Meanwhile, Kevin Bacon somehow loses Jacob mid-fight out nowhere. Random Cult Member Who Will Die This Episode tries to stab Mike but then Mike shoots him and he dies this episode.

“Joey’s gone,” Mike tells Kevin Bacon. AW CRAP. So now they gotta run after this kid. Basically, seven minutes have gone by and the FBI has yet to actually get to this freaking house even though they tailed them to this location!!! In the woods, Jacob holds Joey hostage behind a cottage, but Kevin Bacon’s like, “I know you love Joey, Jacob!” Why would you know this? Why does everyone think this of Jacob? Even Wife thought this. Whatever, Jacob has a change of heart, and even though a stampede of FBI officers are like 50 feet away, no one knows where Jacob ran off to.

Joey is finally freaking safe. UNLESS HE GETS KIDNAPPED.

Wife goes up to Joe and is like, “Let me love you… just don’t kidnap our son.” So Joe is like, “Okay *smoochie smoochie*.” BUT THEN SHE STABS HIM!!!! in a place that will not be a critical point of concern for his overall health (ugh). So then Joe is like, “It’s time you die, bihhh.”

Meanwhile, at the station, some Random Cult Member Who Will Die This Episode Part Deux decides to turn herself in. “She’s clean,” says some random FBI agent. He’s frisked her and she has no weapons. “Ah, okay,” they all say. Then out of nowhere she has a weapon hidden in her hair and stabs the Main FBI Guy in the eye. They shoot her onsite.

Roll credits. Roll on the floor in the fetal position until it’s over.