Earlier this week, Mexico saw the premiere of a Spanish-language development of the best show of our time. That’s right, guys. In case you forgot: Gossip Girl Acapulco had its series premiere on Monday. It airs five nights a week, which is typical.
Here are some of the best moments in that first episode … and some differences from the infamous original, in order of how they appeared:
A theme song. I don’t know if it’s played throughout all the episodes, but that infectious song that was used during the second official trailer of Gossip Girl Acapulco opens up the premiere episode, with a montage of all our favorite UESers transplanted to Acapulco. For the record, it also does the same “You know you love me” opening as the original later on in the show.
Serena arrives in a plane. (I’ll just call them by their original names, lest I get super confused. She’s Sofía, but she will always be Serena to us.) In a private jet, no less. Instead of staring out of her train car window, she sips some champagne offered to her by a waiter in the jet, while reading the Gossip Girl Twitter feed.
Also, it’s a Twitter feed, not a blog. You already knew this, but it desperately needed to be repeated. Perhaps the best element they’ve updated is getting rid of the blog. It’s all about Twitter, and it makes sense.
Dan notices Serena standing atop an escalator. Grand Central Station this ain’t. And Serena doesn’t notice him. But some anonymous girl does take a picture of her descending the escalator.
Also, it’s Spanish but there are a lot of English words. Living in Miami I thought I had heard all the Spanglish I could in a single sentence, but not even our telenovelas shift between Spanish and English this much. “Retweet.” “OK.” “Whatever.” “I know.” “Rehab.” “Cat fight.” “Too much.” And so much more, including Blair’s birthday invitations, are, for no explicable reasons, in English. That’s just raro. They also say “spotted” in English, but I’m OK with that. That is a sacred word, and it deserves to be said in English always. UPDATE: According to one of the show’s writers, this is how they speak in Acapulco. Good to know!
The opening party scene is a pool party. Because it’s Acapulco so why not? Also, I’m pretty sure this is the same house in Acapulco used in all telenovelas because I’ve seen this pool before. And lastly, everyone lives right next to the beach with an amazing view, where every scene takes place. So I am jealous of all of them.
Chuck taunts Blair by asking her if she has menopause And it was hilarious.
Nate’s dad does all but suggest literal instructions on how to sleep with Blair. But then again, I always felt there was a creepy vibe with him and Blair in the original. Anyone? And, yes, they still call him captain.
Blair takes Nate into the bedroom but then tells him she wanted him to give her a birthday gift. Instead of completely tackling him like she did in the original, she teases him a bit. And then he says, “Come on! It’s not like it is for you. For me, it’s a physical pain. We’ve been going out for three years!” That’s not such a difference, but I still thought you should be notified of that. (And then she tackles him, appropriately.)
Lily emotes. Also, her name is Lily in the show.
Dorota knocks on Blair’s door to tell her Serena is there. And Blair is all, “I’m trying to do my boyfriend right now!” Well, she doesn’t say that, but she might as well have.
Gossip Girl rumors are that Serena left for a year to prison or because she had a kid.
The Humphreys own a hotel. Art galleries are for those crazy New York folk. In Acapulco, currency is defined in hotels. And it appears The Humphreys have just acquired a rundown one that they’re trying to fix up themselves to finally get some income. They’re basically like Norma and Norman Bates, to be honest. The hotel is called Hotel Boca Chica (mouth girl, literally, a more colloquial translation may be failing me, like perhaps it’s small mouth … which would make more sense, but I can’t be sure. We have a Boca Raton in Florida, which is Rat’s Mouth, so you can see how this is confusing. But there IS a Boca Chica in the Dominican Republic, that most likely means small mouth. I’m going in circles.).
The high school is called Harold’s. Which is in English and is not Constance and I have no idea why they changed it. Then again, I don’t live in Acapulco. Maybe this is a real school there?
It’s Jenny and Dan’s first day at Harold’s. As opposed to being there forever and creepily pining over Serena, they just got there. But there’s no picture of them up on the GG ACA Twitter, obvs.
Serena and Nate have their same conversation. Except they do it behind the high school with the most amazing view ever in the world. Why is this place so pretty?
Chuck makes a sex/garden analogy. He’s basically all, “Can you believe Serena is here? Are you going to sleep with her?” And Nate’s all, “I’m not a player like you, Chuck.” And then Chuck says that he’s been with Blair since they were born and then speaks really quickly but I think he said something to the effect of, “You’ve let her keep her little flower, but with some work, you can know the garden.”
Dan introduces himself. Since it’s his first day, Dan goes up to Chuck and Nate to say hi, but naturally they don’t really care.
Blair sits on a water fountain. Goodbye, MET steps.
Serena and Blair have their catch-up conversation under a beach gazebo. Filled with more Spanglish, like, “Sofía, please,” and “So ¿que?”
Dan is a surfer. And there isn’t one hint that he writes or wants to be a writer or anything to that effect.
Blair lets Dan kiss her on the cheek. That’s just, like, completely incorrect. The original Blair would never let Dan even shake her hand. And it happens twice.
Dan is the one who really tries to make a date. Since Serena and Dan don’t know each other, he takes this opportunity to just simply get a date with a girl he thinks is hot. So while Serena is trying to convince Blair that she doesn’t like Nate, she tells her she’s got a date with some random surfer guy a few yards away. And he’s all, “Yup. By the way, did you change your number? I’ve been calling and you don’t pick up.” So she writers her number on his surfboard.
But then the number washes away because DUH. So now he’s all bummed out, but thankfully Serena pops up at the mall while Jenny is trying to shop for something to wear to Blair’s party. She says this is the third time she’s giving him her number, but it’s only the second. My guess is there was a scene cut out of the airport scenes. UPDATE: This is a joke that went over my head, since Dan had lied for Serena. Whoops.
Serena puts her number in Dan’s phone while the phone is upside down. That just would NEVER happen on the original Gossip Girl. Phones are like the most important character on the show.
Gossip Girl makes a joke about Amanda Bynes. She basically equates Serena with Amanda Bynes and thinks they’re both crazy and she doesn’t believe Serena when she says she came back rejuvenated.
Blair asks Dorota on advice for lingerie to seduce Nate. With a full sexy poses in a mirror montage, to boot. Then Dorota says to take off that lingerie because those clothes are from the devil. Seriously. But not before Blair says, “Kill me now” in English. And remember the pact with God? Well, this version of Blair really does have a close relationship with him. She mentions twice that she has wanted to wait for marriage, but this is one sin that God will forgive her for — since it’s for love. And not even in an ironic way. And then she calls her pastor to ask him about her sexual urges and she wants to know if it’s a mortal sin, or if that’s just a thing people say. But I’m pretty sure that part’s a joke. Maybe.
Lily responds to Serena’s request to go out to dinner with Eric with, “Brownies!” And it’s still something I’m laughing hysterically over. Lily is the same as she ever was. (Also, Lily emotes #2.)
Chuck has girls model necklaces in a pool on top of a huge die for Nate. Because Nate is trying to buy a necklace for Blair’s birthday. And two of the models names are Diamond and Esmeralda. Then Nate gets mad that Chuck’s being all show-y, so he storms off. And Chuck responds with, “You’re going to leave me alone with all these joyas?” which is Spanish for jewelry, but is pronounced like “ho-yahs” and I’m pretty sure it was supposed to serve as a pun in English.
Also, apparently everyone lives in the same hotel.
Serena reads a book. It’s like season four of the original show already!
Nate and Serena slept together at a New Year’s Eve party. And it was in the same pool as we’ve seen. But there was still champagne involved.
And Chuck recorded it all. And then he says, “Whenever I missed you, I watched that video.” OK. He’s like the new Georgina.
So Serena throws a drink in his face.
Dan mispronounces a pretentious-sounding menu item at a restaurant. Which is just … so out of character.
After Serena is disappointed with the date because she expected “something else” rather than a fancy dinner, Dan takes her to another part of the beach, where he dives into the water. In just his underwear. And this changes her entire perception of him and the mood of the date.
Blair’s birthday takes place at the bay.
The Humphreys are from Argentina, which is much farther away from Acapulco than Manhattan is from Brooklyn … obviously.
Nate makes up with Blair by standing on a boat, as it docks, next to a guy who serenades her. Because he tells Blair he slept with Serena this episode, his father needs them to make up. And he does so. Then he hands her huge flowers, and all is forgiven. UPDATE: The man to the right is actually a famous singer in Mexico. Whoops again.
Jenny sends a text to Dan that she’s about to kiss Chuck, effectively kiss-blocking him, to which he makes the above facial expression and it’s hilarious.
Dan punches Chuck in the gut and then the face, making him flip over into the water.
The final image is Chuck in the water. The last thing we see before the credits roll is Chuck just in the water all mad, because obviously who wouldn’t be mad? Instead of Chuck being excited for what interesting things may come, it’s Gossip Girl who says it seems she’s going to be really occupied these coming weeks.
And that’s basically all you needed to know about the Gossip Girl Acapulco series premiere. Some slight changes and some storylines rushed or put together here and there. I wonder how else they’ll adapt it.