The name of the game on this week’s True Blood was laughter; inappropriate or otherwise. After last week’s episode ended with the saccharine send-off of Nora, Eric and Bill are back to being nemeses. Remember that? How they used to, like, hate each other or whatever? It’s been too long. I like Eric and Billith at odds with one another, especially when it ends with the most ludicrous levitation and over-the-top breakdown by Eric. Seriously, it was like Alexander Skarsgård took acting lessons from Calculon. Luckily for us at home, the lunacy didn’t stop there.

Okay, so remember how Sarah Newlin sent Jason to his presumed death by knifing him and then sticking him in female gen pop? “Gen pop” is still super fun to say, by the way. Well, things didn’t work out quite like she thought they would and Jason ended up being somebody’s vamp-prison bitch… cuz, like, that’s a thing, right? Honestly, when this vampires head honcho was introduced last week, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to recognize her or something, but she’s just some new bad ass. Yes, it’s this late in the game, True Blood still has countless meandering storylines and they really thought it was a good idea to introduce a new character. Honestly, after her whole distinction of Catholics (to be clear, she’s one of the hardcore, bad ass Medieval ones) she was pretty okay in my book, but she better have some sort of pay-off in the end.

Source: HBO

Source: HBO

Let’s see… what else was there? Oh, yeah, there was more stuff with Alcide, who was challenged as Pack Master, but proved himself to be more than capable in challenging Rikki. Still, he drowned his sorrows with Sam after he fails to kill Rikki cuz he’s, like, compassionate or something? I dunno, that whole thing was pretty bland for me. In other news that I find difficult to care about, Sam and Nicole are in love. His partner died 7 episodes ago. Nicole’s boyfriend or whatever died, maybe 3 episodes ago? I dunno, I just feel like we’re moving a little fast. Then again, with an abbreviated season and the whole “Nicole is pregnant” thing, I guess we kinda have to move fast on this one. Oh, right, yeah, I forgot to mention that Nicole is pregnant, but she doesn’t know. Sam can smell it on her. The romance of fairy tales, am I right? I mean, this is some Prince Charming shit right here.

In the main storyline, with all that Warlow nonsense, it was a pretty uneventful episode up until the end, to be honest, when Sookie is down with being vamped cuz she’s going through her rebellious teen phase, like, super late. Billith is all, like, “Hey Sookie, bring me Warlow” but then she was like, “But you better not kill him or anything” and then Billith was, like, “Meh, we’ll see. You two talk it over.” Sookie explains the deal to Warlow who says he’ll agree if Sookie becomes his Faerie/Vampire Bride. Honestly, the only thing that could have made this whole thing more archaic would have been a negotiation over her dowry. Sookie makes some lame joke about, “Why doesn’t any guy just wanna date me?” Well, to be fair… you’re fairly awful, Sookie Stackhouse. As evidenced by the scene where you threw yourself at Sam, just as he was happy, cuz it was convenient for you to finally take notice of him. Not cool.

Source: HBO

Source: HBO

Even when most of the storylines moved at a glacial pace, Sarah Newlin saved this episode. Things are catching up to her as she tries to keep all her balls in the air. People have questions that they need the Governor to answer, but of course, he can’t, what with being dead and all. Sarah Newlin tries to cover for this. Anna Camp’s nervous, frenetic energy is part of what makes this performance, but we finally get to see her shine in a showdown with Ms. Suzuki. Honestly, Anna Camp channels her inner Patrick Bateman in this equal parts terrifying and hilarious massacre. If for no other reason, watch “Dead Meat” for this exact scene and you won’t regret it.

Finally, since Jessica couldn’t keep her GD mouth shut about the Hep V, word starts to spread to some folks that the Tru Blood is tainted. It honestly has little to no effect on the events of the episode, except it’s what gets them trapped in the room at the end, where Jessica tells them they will meet the sun before the episode cuts to black and credits roll. I guess it’s an effective cliffhanger, but there wasn’t much build-up to this moment in this episode, only Billith’s vision earlier in the season. Oh, right, and Eric drank Warlow which… has ramifications? Eventually? I guess?

What did you think of this week’s episode?

Calhoun

Calhoun Kersten is unofficially over-educated and unemployable. he is currently finishing up his Masters thesis on horror films from DePaul University, but now resides in Hell on earth aka Los Angeles. When he’s not writing, he enjoys being a grown man who still watches Arthur on PBS, singing along loudly to Three 6 Mafia, and spending time with his dog, Karl Marx.