Since I was right about Diana being the other Blackwell child, I assumed I’d be right about who the “traitor” in the group was, yeah I guess I was wrong, we’ll get to that later. I mean who else thought it would be Ethan, I mean… really… where has Adam’s dad been for forever!?!? Why do all the (grand)parents in Chance Harbor keep disappearing? Anyways. Let’s get on with this review.

Cue Cassie walking slow mo through her house of old people during Jane’s wake. Who are these people? Jane had friends!? It’s almost as shocking to me as Adam having friends. But, back on track, Cassie approaches Diana and thanks her for coming, Diana seems standoff-ish and Cassie continues to have an awkward conversation about how she’d be okay with Diana being her sister. Diana shuts down those warm and hopeful feelings little orphan Cassie is having and tells her that they aren’t even sure it’s true. Oh burn, looks like your new sis doesn’t want anything to do with you.

Cassie and Adam share a random moment up in her bedroom. Cassie basically devoured his face like Phoebe Tonkin’s new pup Bailey devoured hers (random comparison, but you must see the video Tonkin posted on Twitter, so cute yet disturbing). Blackwell catches them, and makes the moment even more awkward. I really don’t understand how Blackwell can look his daughter in the eye as she’s gushing over the death of her grandma and have no remorse what-so-ever. Evil! Now that Cassie has no family who wil take care of her? Blackwell is supposed to be dead, and he’s basically the spawn of Satan so I doubt she’d live with him. My theory is she’ll bunk with Diana, or go to the Chance Harbor orphanage– seems legit enough. Cassie goes from being sad to out for blood!

Jake busts into the wake all pissed about the witch hunters killing Granny Blake, they didn’t even know her! Faye calms him down with a little sarcasm, promise of pills and sexual innuendo. They use a little circle magic to knock over Dawn’s purse, and swipe a bottle of pills. Score!

Cue heartbreaking scene between Charles and Diana. Like, really… this scene killed me. Diana asked her dad if there was any chance that John Blackwell was her real father, he seemed to be covering something up but tried to shrug it off. When Diana got in depth about how this might actually be possible Charles stumbled to find his words and shared with Diana that there was one point him and her mother split up right before Elizabeth got pregnant. Diana looked like she was about to fall apart. Charles comforted her by telling her that no matter what he is still her father and that Blackwell is an evil man, no shit! But, Charles has got some dirty little secrets as well— that I’m sure will soon be exposed to his daughter and the circle. I don’t care what anyone says, Shelley Hennig’s crying scenes are the best!

They’re still trying to find the other crystals, blah blah blah. They use a map (which doesn’t even have places on it!) to track down the other two. One of which is in Jake’s house. Cue Fake (Faye and Jake) sex. Before they get down to it, Faye takes out the bottle of pills they swiped from her mom and opens it up, only to find a crystal! Weeeeeee.

Meanwhile, the other crystal has been cloaked by Adam’s grandfather, so Melissa and Adam (I ship them so hard) go do some digging, which leads to a terrible magic trick and an amazing drunk rambling by Jessica Parker Kennedy. Cassie convinces Diana to come help the circle, Faye talks about Diana’s push up bra, and the crystal gets sucked into a ping pong table. Must be the traitor witch and the witch hunters! Ohhh, scary. Not. Jake has a (not so) brilliant plan to meet up with Isaac and work out a deal to stop Eben. Adam and Melissa share sob stories, and Adam figures out the cloaking spell! Just in time for the gang to travel into the woods. Like, is there any other place in Chance Harbor to meet that’s not in the middle of nowhere? Apparently not.

Charles kicks Blackwell’s ass in the coffee shop, and I enjoyed every minute of it. He then proceeded to tell John that he was taking Diana far away from Chance Harbor so that he couldn’t get his grubby, evil paws all over her. Well done, but we all know that’s not going to happen. How would The Secret Circle keep its viewers without Shelley Hennig’s cleavage?!

Isaac is dead (thanks to Eben), and Ian (the dude in the pig mask from Halloween) comes to talk to the group instead. Cassie goes all craycray, accusing Ian for killing her grandma and starts to choke him with her mind. At least she’s not the one being choked for once! Jake attempts to stop her from using her dark magic, but Cassie kind of flicks him away and he falls shamelessly to the ground. Ha. Ha. Cassie’s face becomes more intense as she strangles the life from poor Ian and Diana steps in to stop her out of control sister. You go girl! I cannot wait for Diana to tap into her dark magic. Who wants a sister showdown? Me. Me. Me! Diana suggests a truce (which I admit was stupid of her) and Cassie basically LOL’s in her face, because that worked oh so well 16 years ago. The witch traitor escaped from the witch hunters, oh boy! He’s in Chance Harbor, and has the crystal all to himself.

Irrelevant Dawn/John banter: (my version)

“Elizabeth and I had sex, Diana’s my kid, Charles be pissed.”

“You two-timing man whore.”

“Dawn, we did the deed and you no get preggers, had to move on… sorry B.”

The end.

Basically John was trying to impregnate all the women in his circle. What a sick, yet smart bastard. John convinces Dawn to get Charles to stay with Diana, and in return she gets power. Yada yada yada. Faye stole her crystal and is doing everything Blackwell says, yada. Blackwell plans on killing the elders after the witch hunters, yada. Then Dawn does a 180 and tells Charles to stay in town and fight. Hmmm… I don’t believe her change of heart.

Cue creepy carnival! We learn that Faye is deathly afraid of clowns and that she has nightmares that revolve around Diana… hmmm, interesting. We also see a reflection of the traitor’s face in their car as they are walking in. At that point I knew it couldn’t be Ethan therefore the only other logical explanation would be Nick. Seeing as they spoiled his return for us oh, over a month ago! I would have been way more surprised at the end of the episode when Cassie and Diana were chasing the traitor and found out it was Nick if I didn’t know he was coming back! But, it’s okay. I forgive the show. Diana wants nothing to do with Cassie and tries to team up with Faye, but gets denied. Sadness.

Cassie and Diana have a heart to heart and we learn that Diana needs to get off her high horse. We get that she is the face or morality and doesn’t want to end up like Cassie, but sooner or later when push comes to shove Diana is going to have to tap into her dark magic to save herself and the circle.

Faye and Jake find Ian on a ride, with his throat slashed. I found it hilarious that Jake went over and checked for a pulse… um, his throat was SLASHED, he’s not alive! The other witch hunters are dead too. They follow a blood trail to a room where there’s a sway (magical device to transfer power) and a book with psycho ramblings. There is also a picture of Jake’s parents… ding ding ding.

Cassie and Diana chase the traitor and Cassie sends a spear after the hooded man. Diana uses her voice of reason to stop her from killing him and instead Cassie gives him a sharp whack to the back of the neck. When they approach the man, his head turns and guess who… NICK! After they establish that it’s Nick, Diana says “he’s alive” yet nobody is moving their mouth. It was probably the highlight of the episode. Ha. Ha.

P.S. the last crystal is in the high school (according to their map with no locations on it).

Andrew Miller and the writing team have really been stepping up their game for the final episodes of the season. I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed that there will be a season 2. I mean, come on. So good.

There’s only two more episodes left, and next week is the prom episode. Will Diana tap into her dark magic? Will the elders ever do their effin job and take out Blackwell? Tell me what you think in the comments below!