Sunday night’s telecast of the 64th annual Emmy Awards on ABC might as well go down in history as one of the decade’s worst. It was boring, predictable, and most of all — lazy. And that’s why it ranks as COLD in our NWN thermometer.

Let’s start with Jimmy Kimmel, the supposedly epic host that promised to keep the night “jazzed up” but failed to deliver. Some sites, like EOnline, were expecting him to be the best host in decades because that’s who he is and always been: a host. He knows this business better than anyone. But Kimmel’s stints were unoriginal and, to be honest, not that funny. That Tracy Morgan gag — uhm, wtf? I did not laugh at all. Or when he kicked his parents out? Still not laughing. Every joke of his in the opening act and through the show fell flat — none of them were LOL jokes we’ve never heard before — they were all…expected. NONE of them was quotable or memorable at all. The Cold open, however, was one of the night’s biggest highlights. Of course, not because of Kimmel but because it featured TV’s most popular ladies all in one frame: Connie Britton, Zooey Deschanel, Christina Hendricks, Mindy Kalling, Kathy Bates, JLD,  and even a naked Lena Dunham eating cake. (That was so disturbing, you guys.)

Even if you disregard Kimmel and his poor performance as host, the show was plain and dry. One of the things I look forward to the most during the Emmy are the EMMY REELS — which were cut down to a minimum during the telecast. Supporting actors in a drama got a 10-second mute reel while comedic actors (and writers and directors) got NONE. Even the reels they did feature were not that awesome — Who puts the spotlight in the drama reel on a Don/Megan scene from Mad Men when you have SO many epic scenes from the fifth season? What else was missing? Original Song. NPH’s song from the Tony’s, “It’s not Just for Gays Anymore,” won at the Creative Emmys last Saturday so you’d expect that they’d ask him to perform it. Bit they didn’t. And please don’t tell me it’s the result of time limitations because they were able to fit all of these things in last year’s abysmal Fox telecast.

And now to the awards themselves. Let’s be honest, the drama awards were quite interesting and suspenseful. Showtime’s freshman drama, Homeland, which created so much (deserved) buzz during the last year won almost all the major awards during the show: Writing, both lead acting awards, & even Outstanding Drama Series making it the first drama since The Picket Fences in 1993 to win the three major awards in one night. I did let out a few squeals out of excitement. But Mad Men winning zero awards out of the 17 it was nominated for? That was HARSH especially that the show delivered arguably one of its best seasons this year with few of the BEST performances. Has it lost its reign? Was it because of Megan? What was even more heart-breaking, saddening, and infuriating was seeing Christina Hendricks & Jon Hamm lose — again. Did you see the looks on their faces? She has lost 4 times now and he has lost 5 times (ignoring his other nominations for Guest Actor.) Also, Liz Moss has lost 4 times, too. I wanted to cry. Christina Hendricks was a favorite to win this year because of her impeccable delivery of Joan’s controversial arc this year. But who wins against Dame Smith? No one. Because she’s Dame freakin’ Smith and because the Academy’s so old-fashioned and refuses to take risks — to be bold for once. Oh, crap, I think I’m gonna cry again.

Typical Academy was even unapologetically lazier when it came to the comedic awards which, mostly, went to Modern Family — duh. They didn’t even hand out the awards to Emmy newbs like Sophia Vergara, for example, but instead they gave Julie Bowen and Eric Stonestreet their second Emmy awards that night for Supporting Actor/Actress comedy. The jaw-dropping category, though, was the Actor in a Comedy category. The true competition was between Louie‘s Louis CK, TBBT Jim Parsons, and House of Lies‘ Don Cheadle — according to critics and awards experts anyway. The winner? Two & a Half Men‘s Jon Cryer who won his second career Emmy and first as a lead actor instead of supporting. REALLY? REALLLLY? TWO & A HALF MEN? HE didn’t even expect to win! He kept telling reporters on the red carpet how there was NO WAY he’s winning against those nominees. But, oh, Academy you are evil and unfair. How do you not give Amy Poehler an Emmy after 7 nominations when she is the most adored and celebrated comedic TV actress today. It just doesn’t make sense. Why doesn’t the Emmy celebrate fresh blood? WHY?

It all just doesn’t make sense.

Okay, enough with my Emmy rant. What did YOU think of TV’s biggest night?

Heba

Heba could watch television forever. And she LOVES writing about it. She was never meant to be born in a land so far away from TV Land! Her favorite shows are Mad Men, The Vampire Diaries, Happy Endings, Community, Cougar Town and MUCH MUCH more. Follow her on twitter: @ClumsyHibz